Hey guys,
So today (04/12) marks my first week gamble free!
And I have to tell you, it feels AMAZING. I will keep updating this thread as days, weeks, months and years go by.
My biggest challenge to overcome will be 10/12, that's when I get my sallary. This year I will use them for saving, downpaying debts, and even buy my loved ones some Christmas Presents 🙂
I copied my post from 1 week ago in the introduction forum, as it is interesting to read through the thoughts I had back then.
What helps for me is to always think "One day at a time", which I have been telling myself every day since I quit. And it started to become really integrated in my mind, which makes it easier to deal with the losses and not gambling.
Well, hope everyone is having a nice december, together we can do it!
Lots of love and well wishes from me 🙂
____________________________
My post from one week ago:
Hi!
I have been scouting these forums on and off for years, trying to deal with my gambling problem alone. I have come to a point where I need to share for me to move past my addiction.
I am 28 years old, and my gambling addiciton started with my first win on a slot machine when I was 14. Since then I have gambled ALOT - and more than I could afford. I currently have debt, which I will have to slowly pay back. Today I listened to a podcast where previous addicts and family members of addicts talked about how it affected their life - and one story really made me realize which path Im on my way down. A woman in her mid 30s spoke about how her husband had killed himself because of gambling, leaving her and two young children behind. I have not (yet) come to a point where I feel life is not worth living anymore, but I see clearly that if I follow down this dark path I might be in the risk of feeling it.
It's not only the debt that affects me negatively - its "only money". What I've noticed is that I'm not focusing as I should at work and I'm pushing friends away. I also have recently met an amazing girl, and we love each other. Yesterday she told me she felt I was a little "off" - which was because I had gambled and was having the usual gamblers low. Thinking alot about it after she told me that, I realized that the gambling could in the future push her away from me - which is the last thing I want in the world.
This night I woke up in the middle of the night and could not sleep - I felt I soon needed to take a stand - will I continue to fall back to gambling if I feel sad, lonesly, bored etc - or will I find more healthy activites instead?
I got up in the middle of the night, signed on my computer, and went through all the gambling sites I could remember I had registered on (theres so many .... ) and I made a standard email which I mailed to every single casino saying I wanted to close my account due to gambling addiciton. What I also did was to install "Gamban" (which ironically was tipped by a casino-site), and it actually works - its blocking all the casino sites on my phone and PC.
So now the real job starts! I have a decent job, so I will be able to deal with the debt, and I have family and friends and a girlfriend around me. I just need to take on day at a time. I also just started to go to therapy, due to having panic attacks - and Im sure the stress and anxiety around my losses and gambling has contributed to these intense attacks. I tell you guys, having a full blown panic attack in the middle of a client lunch at work is NO FUN. But - Im glad Im getting the help I need.
There has been so many days Ive felt horrible about gambling, and it came to a point where winning didnt really mean anything - I would just keep going for the rush.
So that was - probably very unorganized explained - my long but short story.
If there's any tips for me out there I would greatly appriciate it - there are so many strong souls on these forums and I would love to hear how you are handling the urges and the downs from stopping.
Thank you for reading.
Welcome to the diaries Zarsan and thank you for sharing your story.
One thing for sure is that many people here will empathise with the sadness, guilt and suffering you have experienced through gambling.
It is not easy for a compulsive gambler to stop gambling but it can be done and many people who come to GamCare go on to live happy, productive and meaningful lives free from gambling. I wish you every success.
Stephen
DAY 13
It is quite odd to not gamble. Before I always gambled when I had bad days, as it would get my mind off.. And ultimately leading to an even worse day as I always lost in the end.
But - Im hanging in there - havnt gambled yet, and I havnt even watched a casino stream on twitch or watched youtube clips of wins, which was something I did all the time before when not gambling.
I feel I have actually really decided to never gamble again, which is scary and feels good at the same time. Im finally taking control of something which have controlled me for so many years.
Has anyone expeirnece any withdrawal symptoms? Because I feel I have in a way ... My anxiety is worse than ever, even though Im going to a therapist. And Im just feeling a little off now and then... But all in all, I feel better now than I did when I was gambling, even though its tough.
Thats me checking out - will most likely update again in a week or so!
Good luck everyone.
Welcome to the diaries Zarsan and thank you for sharing your story.
One thing for sure is that many people here will empathise with the sadness, guilt and suffering you have experienced through gambling.
It is not easy for a compulsive gambler to stop gambling but it can be done and many people who come to GamCare go on to live happy, productive and meaningful lives free from gambling. I wish you every success.
Stephen
Thank you for the kind words Stephen 🙂
Hi everyone, a little update.
To get straight to the point, I relapsed. I went 25 days without gambling, and I visited my girlfriend in London (I am from a country where they have no land based casinos as it’s illegal). We went to a casino there, and I thought I’d just play there a little as I’ve only been addicted to online slots so I thought it would be fine. Boy was I wrong ...
I played 100£ and stopped thanks to giving my girlfriend my card, so I thought I’d never do that again. But this awoke something inside me so I got back home and then after a couple of days trying to stay clean I went online and burned away another 200£ after having some drinks.
I managed to uninstall gamban from my phone so it was just a playground of gambling open for me. I luckily managed to stop at 200 ... Before I never managed to stop until it was too late.
I am determined to not play any more, but this sinking feeling is back and I know I need to go through all these days again to get to where I was.... It really sucks, wish I never had this addiction but I know I can beat it! I will keep taking one day at a time and be more active here.
wish you all a merry Christmas and happy new (gamble free) year!!
Hi Zarsan
I am so sorry to hear about your relapse but it takes courage to be open and honest about it so well done. I know you will know this already but you will have to revisit your blocks, make sure you have everything in place that you need.
You have had some good gamble free experience behind you which I hope gives you confidence that you can do this. Please keep popping into this site or into the group chat room if it is helpful for you x
42 days since last gamble! Haven’t touched it since my last relapse. It’s just a less stressful life without gambling.
stay strong people!!!!
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