New diary

Thanks so much for all your good wishes. Boy was our break with bro-in-law ans sis-in-law a roller coaster ride!

He returned to the family just before Christmas. Got a phone call just before I was about to call the lawyer . All looked OK until New Years eve when he announced he had just texted " the other woman ".

Bam! Off we go again with him saying he didn`t know what to do. Whether to stay or not. I was amazed that my sis-in-law didn`t get really angry.

Well managed to have a long chat with my niece who is being really mature but of course is taking her mothers side but heck, that is really understandable.

Sunday bro and sis-in-law asked if they could talk to A, my wife and myself. I wasn`t too bothered but my wife really didn`t want to do it. However, it happened.

We just sat and listened to what he said and tried not to be judgemental. I took out my old Samaritan hat for that one, lol.

He said he wanted someone to tell him what to do. He loved my sis-in-law but was in love with the younger woman. a lot of tears and a lot of f**s being smoked. Nearly got tempted myself but resisted.

In the end I said that I felt he had made his mind up and that was to leave. He agreed. We then pointed out just how much he would lose. It`s pretty unlikely I think that my niece would never forgive him.

Tbh, I felt that the guy was not really in his right mind or indeed saying logical stuff. At one point he seemed to be swinging the blame on my sis-in-law in a most unfair fashion.

It seems that later, having gone to bed, they talked for a couple of hours.

Yesterday we heard that he had finished with the other woman. We shall see.

My wife is taking it hard as since her brother died she is very close to her sister.

However, one big positive has come out of it for us. We live 200 miles away, by the sea. Will be retiring in a few years and wanted to move. For a number of different reasons we have now decided that we are going to move much closer to London, closer to friends and family.

So there ya go. My start to the new year. Just hope it gets better.

You have had a really difficult few weeks Graham!

I admire your patience a great deal. If I was able to be more patient, I think a lot of my more challenging relationships would be easier!

Please remember to look after yourself very well over the next week or two - and don't feel guilty about being selfish! However, the irony of me telling you to be selfish is painful. Wish I could do it more for myself.

Take care my friend,

f x

Hi mate

Hope you are ok, thanks as always for posting on my diary, dont realy know what else to say after reading your last couple of posts, apart from what freda has said and that is dont forget to look after yourself mate. Afterall you are my cyber dad, and a great one at that!

Take care graham, i often think bout you down there in the SW..all the best, ands

Well not much to say. I think the sis-in-law and other half are working it out. Well hope so. Seems that way.

Well another year gone and at least another without gambling. Have to say I don`t really miss it. Watched someone playing the fruit machine the other night. Funny that I still like to that from time to time. There it was, hi lo on 11. Well you go lo, course ya do. Haha, 12 came in. Funny that! Stirred a little tremor in me, one that said I am glad I don`t do that now.

You know, I have been reading a few diaries this evening. My gambling was always drip, drip. When people say that they have lost 50k or a lot more I guess I am the same. The big difference is that it seems to be done over a much shorter time now. What does that tell me?

Not too sure but my ideas go a bit like this.

Gambling has got so " normalised " over the last decade. The amount of adverts and, oh how cosy they are, seem to make it all OK. I only betted on fruit machines, then jackpots were small. Not the case now and I guess that is a major attraction. Don`t know much about fobt however i hear they are the same. A gambling buddy told me he lost close to £300 in 3 goes.

I am a fair old way off from the last bet. As an exercise, I felt safe doing it, I played for free on line some months ago on the fruit machines. Told me a lot. One minute £1200 up, the next £1,000 down. That`s pretty serious stuff. Strange how they regulated quite heavily some years ago on pay outs yet now it`s not the case. In fact I really started to understand just how dangerous on line stuff is compared to having to go out to gamble.

I try to be liberal in my thinking but some how this on line betting is creating a different class of gambler compared to what I was (am ).

I looked tonight at just how many new people are coming here. It`s scary. I don`t think I know one person who has gambled and been happy. In fact I know a guy who one the lottery, £2 million pound. It bought no happiness and I understand that he has little left of it and sadly he is a bit of a laughing stock.

I think things are tough if you are an addictive person. I know I am and very much so. Pretty much kicked a lot of it now. Getting to darn old, lol. I think the brewers are getting frightened that I might pack in my beer. Don`t worry lads, not planning on that yet. Hope the ciggie companies are not missing me too much.

On that subject, I am a sufferer of OCD, which I think has quite an impact with addiction. I have friends in the USA, other folk in recovery who are using medication for personality disorders, some of whom are reporting that it is really helping. That`s not saying all addictive gamblers have personality disorders but I find it something to think about. Personally I don`t think that gambling is always the problem but it is an awful symptom of the underlying problem. Most gamblers I know have feelings of boredom, guilt, stress or loneliness.

Anyway, a few random thoughts as you do late at night.

oh wow johnny, is it a full moon tonight or something?

i found myself going down a memory lane here myself tonight - see carol-ann!

is that something to do with age? .............. will leave the question sitting with you

i dont miss gambling at all, not in any way, and not to any extent. couldnt take me back to gambling for all the tea in china, or all the credits on an online casino. done that, been there, wore the T shirt, and no more thank you very much!!

my daughter dabbles in gambling, and goes to casino on a semi regular basis, she has been there 3 times in the last week because she has been winning. she knows the problems i have had, i have told her, she knows, and she is her own person, i need to respect that ............... but ................. it makes me sad

it makes me sad, but doesnt stirr up any feelings for going back. that is a victory isnt it?

yeah, gambling has been normalised over the last decade, u know my friend, that just makes me so angry. every now and then i have a rant and a rave at the telly when i see the adverts. Poor hubby, he just covers his ears and shakes his head, and thinks i should take my PRN!

oh how he doesnt understand, but who really understands? Hobby horse here - booze is frowned apon, ciggies are the scourge, but gamblers are the new soft touch!!!

oh johnny, i am going to stop here for fear of saying something that might get me thrown out of gamcare .......... 🙂

anyway, hope you are well, and as always

love

f***y

xx

Hi Graham,

I just popped by to thank you for all your wise words. You always make a lot of sense. I am glad you are here Graham.

Jas x

There`s been some talk in chat regarding dopamine in the act of gambling. I think some might enjoy the link. It does explain much regarding the insanity of being a CG.

http://www.boston.com/news/gl…08/19/your_brain_on_gambling/

Sorry Graham had to laugh, all this talk of 'insanity' and you posted the link twice!!!

Hope your fine and dandy my friend.

Tc

Kim xxx

Interesting read thanks for sharing. Will read it in full later on tonight. All the best Blocked.

Thank you for the link G

Jas x

Ditto,thanks for the link,very interesting read.

Seano

Hiya mate

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to my cyber dad, hope your ok and im gonna have a read on that link!

take care as always, ands

ah poo! my gamblock never let me read that link.

Nevermind, its there to protect me, even if its overzealous!

f x

Hi Graham

My time has come to leave this forum, i am very grateful to you for all your support/kindness/advice and for being a genuine caring guy!

My reasons for leaving now are that its my time to leave my diary has been a godsend and helped me so very much. But now i feel its time to break away altogether..

The urges i have are just a part of my life but i know i can never gamble in any form again! so i wont!

Genuine respect my friend afterall you are my cyver dad and a great one, thanks again mate, all the very best...andrew