New diary

Day 12, another good day, out with the kids and the dog, made a nice pasta bake for tea and haven't even thought about gambling, easy when you know there's no opportunity, on my days off work when kids are at school is when it's difficult, like I have to choose whether or not I'm going to gamble so I'm constantly thinking about it, even the night before. I'm so glad I can't do anything online anymore because that was so much harder, there was rarely a time I couldn't gamble, even while I was meant to be working. I know the longer I go without gambling the less ill think about it and it will get easier it will get.

Hi Lee,

Sounds like you're doing a great job 👏  keep up the good fight 👍

Great work so far mate. Week 1 is tough, and getting to double figures is a great milestone. You said in your first post you had set yourself a challenge of 90 days. Why not challenge yourself to quit for good? the temptation would (in my mind) be for me to get to 90 days and then relax and think you had won. Unfortunately gamblers never win. I know if my mindset hit that 90 day challenge, I would certainly gamble again. Up your ante. Quit for good. Get your mind into that headspace where you will never return to this. No one likes living a whole month with no money. Us gamblers do it every month! I did it for years!

Keep going mate. You are doing all the right things, but don't think that you are fixed after 90 days. Lets get you past that and gf for life.

Stay strong

Thanks clover and weirdfish, I know your probably right but I'm hoping that as I get closer to the goal, this will all be getting much easier and I'll want to extend it before I reach it.

Day 13, had another good day, got signed up with the rspb, it's only £5 a month and they send out magazines with activities for the kids to do, to help the environment, thought it was a good way to get us outdoors more, and I haven't cared about much other then myself and my own problems for so long thought it's about time I started caring about something else, nature seems a good place to start! Anything new to focus on can only be a good thing, planning on getting bird boxes and feeders next time I get paid and getting more plants and wild flowers seeds for the garden.

Day 15, had a good few days but feeling a bit low today, had email from my landlord saying he'll be increasing my rent soon, hasn't said by how much yet so I'll be stressing about that until I find out and money worries instantly lead to thoughts of gambling, just hoping I find out soon and that it won't be a big increase, this has come at the worst possible time, I owe out most of next months wages so won't be back to normal until march, I know there's people in much worse positions should think myself lucky really!

Well done Lee your doing amazing 👏 👏 👏 👏 Keep up the good work !! 👏. As hard as it is sometimes your doing a great job keeping control. 

Lee if you could go back in time and tell yourself to never gamble, how much money would you have? Now apply the same thing to yourself in ten years time. If you never gamble again, you’d have saved ten years of losses. Work out what you’d lose in a year, times it by ten, that’s how much you’ll save. Just kick it? Or you’ll never be happy x

Thanks dazza and Olivia for your comments, it's not been easy but it will be worth it I'm sure!

Day 16, a good day today, no urges to gamble, walked the dog went to the gym then work, busy day so I'm ready to get to bed and find a good film to watch, January is almost over!!!

A couple of weeks ago I decided to gamble again, and won, not very much, no where close to what I'd previously lost but I felt great, convinced myself I can keep going like this, just cash out as soon as I win even if it's not much, next day lost, didn't even get an opportunity to cash out just didn't win at all, luckily I didn't have time to keep going so wasn't a massive loss, then next time lost again, managed to win a small amount back and cashed out so again didn't feel to bad, then I got paid, lost about half of my wage, absolutely devastated but instead of coming back on here and trying to stop again I went back this morning to try andd win some back, I only took a couple of hundred in cash an left my bank card at home because I needed what was left for direct debits, I lost, but then instead of coming home I went to the bank and told them I forgot my card, cashed out everything I had left and lost that to, I'm absolutely fed up, I feel so ashamed of myself for being so stupid, over and over again!

Reality has hit this morning, woke up to a empty bank account, hardly any shopping in, house is a mess, feeling totally drained, haven't been to the gym for weeks and hardly eating anything but junk food food, I HATE gambling and how it completely takes over my life, I intend to stop for good now, my new day 1!

Day 4, feeling positive now, no urges at all to gamble, just want to get my life back on track and put all this behind me, another month with no money but I've got through plenty of them to know I'll manage.

Day 10 again! Feeling alot more confident this time, I've been staying really busy and haven't thought much about gambling, got to 16 days last time but I know I'll do better now! 

Day 18 still gamble free, made it longer then last time but until I get passed my next pay day it's not really an achievement, I'll keep checking in on here to stay focused as it's getting closer! 

Made it to day 21 before once again emptying my bank account, I'm so fed up of being like this. This time last year I was in a good position, wasn't gambling, had savings and holidays booked, now I've got nothing, scraping by each month, counting down the days till I get paid, just to do it all again! I left the bookies today feeling sick, head spinning wondering where I could get some more money to try and win some back, panicking that someone else was going to go on that same machine and win everything I'd put in, I was even considering taking some money from my son's bedroom while he was at school, I've never done anything that bad before and I'm ashamed for even thinking about it. I thought there's no point in me keeping trying to stop because I just can't do it, but after a few hours passed I've decided to keep going because as difficult as it is, I know I can't keep doing this, it's a horrible way to live, constantly wanting to play them awful machines, nearly every times the exact same, starting out thinking I'll win then after a while just praying to win back even close to what I've put in, how crazy that the best we can hope for is to break even! 

Not in a good place at the minute, feeling really low, barely eating and when I do it's junk, my house is a mess, looking at the clutter is stressing me out but I can't motivate myself to sort it out, I'm avoiding my kids, probably out of guilt and constantly worrying about money and wanting to gamble to fix it, even though I know when I gamble I loose more, I'm drained, financially and emotionally. Seems like all I do on this diary is moan, hopefully one day I'll be writing how much better life!