Well on June 23rd 2012 I stopped gambling. Stopped online gambling, visiting betting shops, playing fruit machines, everything.
The only form of gambling I continued was my weekly lottery tickets.
Then after 2 months of progress, I thought "I fancy playing Bingo, what harm can a little game of bingo do?"
Well this lead to me signing up for various bingo sites (Again) and depositing more than I could afford to lose before setting deposit limits that I then slowly increased regularly.
Playing the slots on the sites became all I could think about again - winning that progressive jackpot and what I could give my family once I won.
Before I know it, I am spending so much and not withdrawing winnings. Even when I do win and withdraw I either cancel the withdrawls to play more or spend what I have won before it credits my bank account because I know its coming....
My partner, bless him, he knows the struggle I have had with gambling and he knows I had stopped in June.
He calmly asked me last night where the paypal money had gone from items we had sold on *******? I didn't lie. He asked the extent? I didn't lie. He calmly reminded me of the problems our relationship faced previously due to my compulsive gambling. He said he was angry but he did not shout or swear and this helped me feel even more foolish rather than defensive.
He explained that if I add up my bank statements and see how much I have wasted on gambling this year alone, then think what I could have done with that money? He said that rather than gambling bits of money here and there I could be saving it and treating the family with money I have saved, rather than forever hoping for that big win then never comes.
I feel guilty, and a fool.
I was doing so well, but one bet always leads to another. So I guess the real key to stopping is to not bet at all. Hard? yes! But I have done it before and I can do it again.
I cant let our family lose everything again because of my gambling addiction.
The only option now is not to gamble.
I have just emailed all the site providers I use and asked to self-exclude.
Today I am going to go through my statements and add up my gambling deposits (I am so scared) but that figure I will write on a post it and stick on my pc screen so that if I ever go to open an account I will be reminded that this is how much "Just a tenner" leads to.....
Ok So I just went through my bank statements, listed the amounts I have deposited on gambling sites and any credits to my account from winnings.
This is just this year.... 2012.
Well, I have won £855.00 - this is how much I have had credited to my account from gambling websites.
I have spent..... £2,907!!?
So that is a loss of £2,052.... now if I had been given £2k never to gamble again I would have taken it. Thats a wedding, a holiday, a new car.....
This does not take into account cash gambles at the bookies, but there are not too many of those as most was done online, and likewise it does not include cash wins from lotto, fruitys, bingo and betting shops.
But this speaks volumes. This tells me I have to stop now.
If I can waste 2K in a year then I can SAVE £2k in a year and start living life away from my pc screen.
I feel so low today, but the only way is up now I guess....
Hello rainbow. Very well done for taking an important step and sharing your problem with the rest of us. You'll find loads of support on here from people just like you, trying to beat this addiction. Well done on excluding yourself from the gambling sites, even better try a gambling filter for the days when the cravings hit. Read and post as much as you can, it helps a lot.
Best of luck and count me as one of your supporters in this battle..
Hello Rainbow
Firstly well done for admitting you have a problem and coming on here.....you will receive an enormous amount of support on here.
Your story is very similar to mine...I too was addicted to on line bingo sites but particularly the slots. I have lost count of the times when i have won and then reversed the winnings...the daft thing is if you win you want to recreate the feeling which ends up that you lose it plus much more and if you lose, you end up chasing...so you can never win!
Anyway I wish you well
keep strong and busy
Forwards not back
Jewels
Well done for taking this very difficult step of admitting that you are/were an addict and wanting to stop.
And stop, you CAN. It's all about making the right choices for yourself and your family.
Just forget about the 2k that you have lost. You will not get it back.
In time, you will be able to start saving your money for you to enjoy for yourself.
Then you will be a winner!
All the very best,
NT
Many thanks for your kind messages. Support is definitely something I need. It has felt strange not logging on to any of my usual sites like I do.
My partner has said that he does not mind me having one site where I bet like £10 a week limit, but the question is, can I stick to that? I doubt it, I will probably find myself secretly increasing that limit like before. The thought of never playing bingo scares me a lot! It is something I enjoy, and something I do socially with my dear friends and I dont want to be excluded from that.
What are peoples thoughts on this?
Laura x
Hi Laura,
I think u answered ur own question in ur post..... It is about being honest with urself. Would u stick 2 a limit? Wot happens if u lose? will u chase ur loses? Is it worth the stress?
All my friends gamble 2, it takes a lot of strength 2 stay strong and resist... But u can do this!
I have seen a saying on this site b4.... We cannot win because we can't stop!
It is true!
I hope u make the rite choices 4 u!
Stay strong xx
WOW,
hi Laura your story is the same as mine, i love bingo it is my hobby, i first started on this site in april and done 90 days gamble free but i started going to bingo again with my friends thought i was cured because i wouldn't go on the slots in there, i was so proud but before i knew it i was putting in few pound in machines every time i went then bit more the next week ect, iv'e realised i cant do it anymore and i must self exclude myself from the hobby i love because it turns me into a horrible person, i really relate to you as the reason i'm gambling is to take the hubby and kids away or buy them nice things but it never happens i saved 1500 in three months when i wasn't gambling and still had all bills paid and had nice family days out, like you said that big win never comes and i'm better off financialy not gambling even if i win big because i put most of it back on the site (online slots) i look forward to hearing from you on your diary on your road to happiness, my kids don't suffer because of my addiction but i'm wondering how bad will it get? this is why i am stopping for good.
good luck!!!
Hollie
Thank you for your messages. The thing is, I know you are right, I know if I go to bingo with my friends it could trigger the urge to gamble in me. I could just take enough for my books and a drink and nothing more?
I don't want this terrible affliction to cloud over me - I want to recover from the demons that make me greedy and want more money for my family.
It just seems like such a hard battle that I keep trying to win and eventually it just takes one weak day and I am back where I started - with nothing.
I am just a bit down today, I have so much I should be doing indoors but all I can think about is playing bingo online.
I need to read more diaries and keep reminding myself everyday why I cant bet.
well i know one thing and yeah i can never stick to a limit. guess i dont do the online stuff and more of a slot J****E, but yeah one 20 leads to everything i got. was getting to the point i was letting some of the bills slide and once ya fall behind its way to hard to catch up. guess for me its all or nothing when it comes to gambling and yeah im far better off with putting nothing into it.
Hi Rainbow
Well done for keeping strong and posting what you have.
I would love to be able to just gamble small amounts, or go to the bingo with set money but for me it starts a thought process and all I want to do then is gamble again and recreate those feelings which leads me to losing lots. Everyone to their own though and we all have different ways of managing but for me i know I can;t even gamble £1 as it leads me down the road of dispair and makes me into a person i am not. What upsets me too is all the wasted time that sitting alone infront of a computer brings. It got to the stage that I would rush things just to get home to play online bingo / slots.
I do wish you well Rainbow and if you can, keep bust, keep reading and keep posting.
Forwards not back
Jewels
Hi rainbow
Keep sticking with it , the early days are so hard but it does get easier as u av found already the support on here is amazin and we know what ur goin through , the corner will start to turn just keep it simple and remember the one day at a time no expectations
Stay strong
Castle2
Hi Laura, very well done so far.. As other have said already, I don't think a gambler can stick to a limit. I've done so many times before. A tenner became a 100, 100's became thousands... It always escalates. But, we're all different. Maybe it'll work for you. All the best..
I hate who I become when I want to bet. I hate that urge to just play - whichever it may be; roulette, slots, poker, bingo - whatever! That buzz of thinking I could win this time, and then I am already planning in my head where to spend the money I am going to win. It is only a matter of time before the jackpot comes in for me! (Funny because I have been gambling for 14 years and the most I ever won was £500, yet here I am planning what I will do with the £20k or whatever I think I might win one day).
I have put self-exclusions on most of the sites I am signed up to. But there are a couple I just cant seem to bring myself to close. Why not? I know when I am having a down day this is my pick me up, there are deposit limits in place, but like I said, they can be altered.
I feel so weak, and I hate having to cover my tracks and lie to those I love because I am so ashamed of my behaviour.
Every hour I have spent online gambling is another hour I have not spent with my son and for that alone I feel ashamed.
When does it stop being all I can think about??
Just two words...
...close them.
you simply cannot leave any doors open.
NT
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