I feel like i am never going to live a normal life. I have gambled for the past 30 years. I have lost £100's of thousands of pounds. I have lost my wife and i'm afraid of losing my new love, job, self respect etc.
I have self excluded from websites, shops and have handed my accounts to my son in the past. It was all going so well. I paid off all of my debt and was in credit and partially enjoying life. That was for a year or so. As soon as i had control of my money i was desperate to gamble. I even drove 20 miles to the nearest bookies to gamble every day. This actually saved me money as i could only be bothered to feed the sports machines with £500 at a time. Since lockdown i've joined non gamcare gambling sites, mainly russian and have now got into debt by £30,000 plus...
I am 51 and really don't want to spend the rest of my life in debt and reliant on gambling. I am at the end of my tether. it is going to ruin my life.
Any other people in this situation that can give me hope or help??
Hi bumblebee. Welcome and well done for reaching out for help. Have you thought of counselling to examine your gambling and to try to help you through this.
yea im not going to lie to you at 51 you have got one hell of a journey ahead of you
it can be done dont get me wrong but there is a lot of work
ive been gambling on and off right through my 20's racked up 10K debt in my early 20's literally only settled it 6 months ago took me 5 years
i am 30 next year
gambling has easily set me back 5 years
i think had this period been in my 30's it would have been in 2 or 3 times as much debt and taken 2 or 3 times as long to clear
generally as you get older ( and i have seen a lot of gamblers in their 50's,60's and 70's lurking around casinos day and night ) it gets harder and harder not only to stop but to actually heal and repair the financial and emotional damage it does
my advice would be to get in touch with a bankruptcy or insolvency practioner and also some sort of councillor tmorrow
like i said there is a lot of work to do
What is the difference between I am helpless and I not helpless? Choice. Choosing to do something. You have identified that you are a gambler. You have identified that you get yourself into massive debt when you let your guard down.
No one is a slave to this. We choose to do this. Every relapse you do is a choice to gamble. If you want to empower yourself and gain some self-confidence. Then own very dam thing that you do. Gambling or being straight. Because if you should lose everything again you at least own your decisions and no one can take that away from you.
It is so easy to forget the own willpower. That is what makes you helpless. If you change that helplessness you will eventually change into something you want to become.
Never give up.
Best
c
Hi BB and welcome
You need to stay with the forum now and follow the tried and trusted advice.
How can I get through to you. You handed away your self respect and dignity very early on. You are heavily addicted and very confused.
It will happen again and again UNTIL you finally realise what you have to do to heal your mind and never be complacent again.
I gambled for 40 years...I complately stopped with help and so can you.
Look again at what its done to you. Its destroying you! Obviously you dont need it in your life. It is ruining your life right now and it has ruined much of your past life.
Some of what you write is the pure confusion the addiction creates.
With healing you will start to see life clearly. You need to tell people close as secrets are no good for you. You seem to have always left the gambling door wide open.
Somebody needs to shut that door for you and keep a firm eye on you...do you understand? You have a drug addiction and you need to start learning about the power that controls you like a puppet.
The answers are within you. You have an addiction in you and it needs to know the recovery fight is on!
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Evening,
As always great advice provided above which you must take on board.
Your initial post mentioned difficulties occurred when having control of £££'s again. I would suggest completely restricting your access to cash again. Pass your accounts back to your son. Contact stepchange for advice on your debt. You can recover from this but only if you take serious steps. The addiction always lurks in the background. Time allows for recovery which you must accept.
I wish you well.
Best
Many of us myself included have done the same...while our finances have been manage by others/ straight after finances have been returned..
the main problem generally is laziness/blind hope/head in sand, thinking that your problem will magically disappear/ you'll get bored and never do it again in the same fashion/gamble. or and complacency you've gone through counselling help, but haven't put barriers in place to protect you from you, thinking you'll be ok.
put all barriers in place main is the source of spending/ block cards to online transactions.
think of all ways you could get to money you could use block all bases...
speak to bank they have people that help with this generally or move to a bank that does.. be proactive this is very very important as you know... and you can sink lower if you dont sort it out. if any of us spent the hrs weve spent gambling we'd have x3 phds lol, use your time you have well.
maybe If your son is willing ... if you need a bit more time out to regroup..
Give him back your finances and tell him your route to recovery once worked out..
go through courses and couciling, spend the time.... life doesnt have to be dull try and replace whatever buzz you get from gambling with say exercise, eat well sleep well, think clearer.
Hope you get through it and come out the otherside with an amazing holiday maybe,,, as a treat.
Thanks to you all. Wise words. I'm not sure where i'm going to end up. It is all too easy to be gamble free for a few days/weeks. I'm afraid that i will go back to it and easily forget how i felt when i gambled. A bit like childbirth i guess, you forget the pain otherwise you wouldn't have more than one child!!! I'm running out of time to make my life worthwhile so i hope i do listen to the words a make a change for good.
Best wishes to all.
Yes Wise words BB and you need to act on them right now.
Yes we know that the addiction drove us back to it as if the painful memories were not enough...we have lived it!
There is a known phase where you will pay lip service to it but the addiction is laughing at you because it knows you dont really want to stop or cant stop.
I would stop you if I was living with you because I would rescue your money and keep a firm eye on you, your credit reports and everything. Money is no good with you at the moment and you have to face reality
I get the sense you dont want that as your response is very easy come easy go as if you havent had your rock bottom moments yet.
We have been there ...we understand the confusion as you dont quite know what force has a grip of you. Its a drug addiction more than anything
I hope you do listen, Its your life your money and your decision. This is no game about a silly flutter...gambling addiction kills people and its a progressive illness on the hellride downwards
My job ( because I actually care) is to make you think about it. Saying there there and take care is of little use to you.
Phone gamcare and find someone close. Try explaining it...none of your gambling makes sense and you know you are not proud of it which is why its secretive.
Telling us is a good step...dont get me wrong but you have to build further with complete openness and honesty.
You almost seem resigned to your fate which is the main thing an addiction does to people...they lose the will to recover from it
Best wishes for a life free from gambling
What's your story Joydivider. You seem to have been through the turmoil of gambling.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
