Owned...and such a mug

Hi UO, thank you for your reply. You have raised the six million dollar question above

In reality, I do not have an answer to your question, I can only tell you about myself and why I am here again

At this stage, I have basically taken a time out, having read the signs and owned up to them that I have indeed lost control of gambling again. I am a habitual gambler and have been for 30 years now. Currently, my state of mind is strong again, having pushed myself to a point where I am so disgruntled with my betting patterns that I have made a conscious decision to move away from it and spend my time on more positive things - I am choosing to leave it behind, to not let it destroy me, and to not let it take away from the life that I have left in front of me

I could quite easily write the words that everyone wants to hear, such as "I am done with gambling, that I'll never go and do that again, that gambling is pure evil and I am going to kick this habit forever more"

Being completely honest, I cannot say right now that I will never gamble again, that feels like a huge statement to me

Instead, what I am doing is abstaining for a period of time, I have not fully decided how long, but long enough to get my life, mind and soul back into a better place. If this turns out to be for the rest of my waking days, then so be it for the better, but I don't want to make this a situation whereby I try to convince myself I will never ever have another bet - in my opinion, this fear of being controlled by never being allowed to ever do that again, has led me to go back to gambling before - someone tells me I can't do something, what does it make me want to do? Yep, you get it?

This may sound bad, or defeatist, inappropriate or unconvincing to many people, particularly on this forum, but I have come to recognise through all my relapses, that changing the way I have lived my life for 30 years is not just suddenly going to be changed overnight, it's something that requires serious hard work and dedication to a change of thinking & living

My pattern is there for all to see, through my various diaries where I have used this site before

I am not going to set myself up as a shining example of "this is how you do it" as I have learned over the years that this infliction is an individual thing, different in many ways for the people that it affects and different in how we all individually deal with it

There are other people on this forum who are fantastic examples to other people, who have achieved so much, who have managed to completely change their lives and quit gambling and for whom I have the greatest respect. Some people will be able to emulate this and that is fantastic

For me, it has been a dominating factor of my life, albeit except for the periods of time when I have been free of gambling, which probably amount to about 3 to 4 years out of the last 30 years - I do not know if I could ever be one of the people who quits forever or if that is what I want from the rest of my life

These times were reflective for me, when things were "normal" and when I was able to rebuild my life at various stages, and through use of this site, I have managed to cope with the self induced pressures that I created in my life due to my irresponsible gambling

During other periods of this time, I have lived alongside gambling without causing massive destruction in my life, and only through abstaining have I managed to regain control

Therefore, I find myself here again, abstaining and reflecting on a period of lost control on a mission to take back control once more and to regain my life - put simply, I can only deal with this one day at a time and that's what I am going to do right now

I have seen many times the struggle that people have with coming to terms with their personal situations caused through gambling, indeed I have had my own struggles, but I find that with some strength of mind and inner belief in myself, that coming to this point is better for me than descending further and deeper into trouble with gambling

My opinion is that it is better to be here today on the Gamcare forum, in the place that I am right now, than it is to be on some website somewhere else handing over large amounts of money to faceless individuals who care nothing for me or my well being - one day is better than none

Therefore, I am here and starting a new phase in my life and have chosen not to gamble today

Had a good read of various diaries this evening, recognise myself in so many ways in so many different diaries

It's good to be back. Looking forward to calmer waters, but don't want to be wishing the days away before things get better

Did things today that I haven't done for quite a while, like washing up! Oh joy!

did you have your marigolds on lol? Good luck on your journey...its a tough one...we can only but try x

No marigolds Lady H as we use fairy!

A couple of days in and feeling good

Managed to book a holiday yesterday, so me & the wife both have something to look forward to going away for a week

I have told her that I have stopped betting, she is pleased, but quite frankly, she spotted something was different before I even told her. It's fascinating how we think that nobody notices our moods and our body language when we are submerged in a battle with Mr G

But as the mist and fog clears around us when we clear our own minds, those closest to us know before we even open our mouths

Weldy wrote:

No marigolds Lady H as we use fairy!

A couple of days in and feeling good

Lol that did make me chuckle 🙂

Good, see your holiday as a reward, better spending your money on that than Mr 'G'. Well done for telling your mrs too, I can't do that...trying to go solo this time !!

Off for a week today, shall try and make the most of a quiet week and relax

So how has your week been?

It's been a very chilled and relaxed week, rhanks Lady H for asking

On my last day here and the sun is out and it's very hot. No thoughts of gambling, but then it is rather easy when you are in a foreign country and not surrounded by temptation. Still, has rounded up the day count to two weeks quite nicely.

Back to work tomorrow

Weldy....where u at? 🙂

Helllooooo?

Weldy, I hope you are ok. Please let us know,

Hey. you're not a mug. You're a good person who got suduced by a gambling habit. Doesn't have to stay that way.