Wanted to create a thread here so I can track my progress and also note the days since I last slipped up. With some determination there should be no resets.
So I guess I am not really that typical of the average diary. I have a reasonable awareness into how the industry works. I do not play FOBTS at all, I bet small amounts on football matches, and usually when the odds are in my favour (for instance when a special offer is on it).
I suppose my problem is that several times a year, I lose control and discipline, 'a tilt'. This is just betting without regard to the odds, amount or what you are betting on. On some occasions you are saved, but many times you are not, and the times that you are not mean big losses.
I guess that here I have different behaviours which maybe deludes myself into thinking I don't 'belong' here. I will chase losses, but only up to a limit, and then I stop. The shame I feel about it also burns on my mind for months and I will not repeat it again for months. But inevitably, I end up forgetting about it and I go back.
So yesterday I ended up losing around £1,500 on the election on a mixture of bets and chasing losses. I have stopped at this amount and not chasing any longer. The loss bit is affordable enough, I have no debt, and also much more than this saved. But irrespective of what you have, £1,500 still buys a hell of a lot of things. For instance, that would be my half of the shopping for an entire year. Also have gone part-time at work, so money is actually more important now and I should treat it with more respect.
Getting losses out my head like this is terribly difficult and I feel very depressed over it all. I feel ashamed that I would be a lot richer had I not had these sporadic moments of madness down the years. The losses still haunt me today.
This has to be the last time ever I do something like this. Hopefully this diary will keep me honest.
Hey bigsnoo, there doesn't appear to be any rhyme or reason to compulsive gambling some people gamble daily, some have binges several times a year. But compulsive gambling always comes with shame,regret and that feeling of being stuck in the past reliving losses. Put it behind you, you sound as if you're ready to move forward self exclude from bookies/ online whatever your method of gambling is. Take the temptation away give yourself a chance to recover
The guilt and shame when I looked at my bank account earlier so see over £2500 pending in gambling losses is the harsh reality of what this illness can do (even after thinking I've overcome it and been free of it for 7 years).
The diary is a good thing if you think it can help you become more accountable for it - but the only truly way is to stop if you know it can turn into this.
I know a lot of people would disagree with me but I wish all gambling was banned!
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