Post Relapse

I had been doing good for about 3 months and two weeks ago I had a lapse but due to my financial blocks it wasn't a full blown relapse. But I had to ask myself , "why even did I have this lapse in judgement, when I knew better?" I gambled not because I was eager to win more money, but simply because it was a long standing habit of mine. I asked myself why do I keep going to gambling when I know it is bad for me? I have thought long and hard about it the last few weeks and I think I have finally (after 30 years of struggling with this illness, off and on, off and on, etc. ) come to a realization of what is happening to me. I came to the realization that I have mood swings and some days I am happy and some days I am sad. I think it is partly hereditary as some of my relatives have suffered from depression. I came to understand that the times I gambled were the times that I was feeling down (sad). I gambled in an attempt to 'feel better'. Now that I understand this, when I get the urge to gamble, I think to myself how can I get into a better mood other than gambling? And I try to think of ways to feel better without gambling. Going forward I am going to use this approach I hope it will work for me . Maybe some of these ideas will help you?. Best wishes. 

@gerard-g what are some of the things you do to change your mood.

I have been researching online and googling the word "happiness". What i have learned is that nearly all the experts agree, that happiness is not something that depends on an external event but rather comes from within. Take for example going to a fancy restaurant. Maybe you have been antipating it for several weeks thinking about how great it is going to be, and how happy it will make you. Then you go, and maybe it is ok, but you think afterwards, that wasn't so great. It was just so-so. The point is that when you look to obtain your happiness from external events, you are never truly satisfied, you have to keep searching and searching to find that nirvana. With gambling, enough is never enough. When you win, you get all excited and think you are so happy, but do you stop? No, you keep going til the inevitable losses come. The key is to use the power of your mind to create happiness within yourself independently of any external event. It takes some practice but it can be done. Just think of how you can be happy in your own skin, where you are, with what you have. Practice gratitude for the things you have rather than longing for things you don't have. When you can feel happy inside yourself without reliance upon external events, the desire to gamble goes away. It is pretty amazing. 

@gerard-g this is so powerful.I never looked at it that way.This has truly opened my eyes.

Its been over a month and some days after i experienced my relapse.I have managed to gain momentun and recover bit by bit.Recovery is not a one day thing that you can expect to implement and change overnight.I have suffered many set backs but still im hopeful of a gambling free life.Even though i have been gambling with small amounts,i have managed to control my financial situation and im happy to reveal that i am in a financially stable position.I can pay my bills,take care of my family and take care of myself.I read a book titled,"why Zebras dont get Ulcers".Its been a reflection of how i should approach my debt situation.Solving the immediate and not worry about anything.Thank you for the support and it feels great regaining my confidence financially and emotionally.

P.S Jay