reborn on the 4th July

January is def a tough month for everyone it seems and not just for us people on here , coming out of xmas leaves many on a downer , finances are tight many will not av spent time with loved ones due to so many relationship break ups , its cold and miserable with not much to look forward to

On many occasions I say sometimes all u can do is fight and ride it out the corner will turn the key for me is never to go back to all that misery , the position I am in is no way the best but it is certainly a thousand times better then where I was 15 months ago , twice I went back to gambling but not fully it lured me back but it didn't beat me I fought back I didn't want the life I knew before to return

I still av a long way to go to get where I really want but I won't stress or worry bout that as I can't change that for now what I can do is enjoy each day as it comes and today I will

Morning Sir,

True what you say this morning I echo those thoughts and opinions! What is great to read is you continue to find the positives, you look back at where you were compared to where you are now and it's a monumental difference! I often look at the things that still aren't quite right in life and think at least I'm trying to make them right now! I think you are the same the work is in progress! It might not be perfect tomo but you can see the light and that's enough to keep us going!!

Thanks for walking alongside me every step of the way it's great to have people like yourself still moving forward it spurs me on and gives me hope that we can win and we can right all the wrongs even if its not today!

Flagg

Hi Castle,

I enjoyed reading ur post where u said Jessica sent u a txt saying she loves u, it made me smile.. It's moments like that which r priceless 🙂

I admire ur strength and determination, I am so proud of u 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xx

hey Castle....tis true about January..but similarly to you I was ony thinking the same thing today whilst driving back from work...

Despite it all not being as I would like...im actually ok...and y'know? a big stablising foundation that has gone in in my life is..routine.

Not very exciting to some but I have a pretty solid routine every day and for me its the key to freedom.

I think from your posts Castle.. you also have a routine that is not soley dependant on others..No one to let down,..no one to please and also the end result is healthy and not destructive.

Think routine is the key to keeping in the middle lane and balance.

r and d xx

Couldn't agree more with routine , thats the main reason jess came through the divorce unscathed she knows every day where she is and who she is with and that was key she needed stability in her life , it was a bit tense for her when I was in limbo where I was living esp in the early parts of leaving ex but I also made sure that I put jess 1st in every decision I made and trying to av as little impact on her life

Back to work today after a few days off which was nice to av a rest been in touch everyday so hopefully everything will be ok , pay day today got a hefty month this month and still more to pay on solicitor front b4 thats over , for now just keep chipping away with money I will av a much better idea when the divorce has gone through and no more to pay out , that will be a huge relief when its done

Another step forward and a little bit more light at the end of the tunnel on this incredible journey

Hi Castle,

You sound a little more positive now.

I have been reading through a lot of diaries and the bleakness that everyone starts with at the begining of Jan gradually changes as the month goes on. I think I can include myself in that equation also.

So Womble says...."bring on Feb"!

This year is gonna get better and better!

Womble xxx

Its great to av a few days off but goin back and picking back up is not as great but got back on track after a long day , phone bout my pension again ! Told 5 days and the info will be here once that arrives can get solicitor to arrange the court for decree absolut , to say I knew nothing bout divorce b4 I filed I now consider myself an expert believe me u av to be a quick learner

Jess doin ballet so managed to post for a bit off home to watch big brother jess is obsessed with it she loves rylan for me I wouldn't mind Trish knocking on my door one can live in hope lol

Hi Castle,

thank you so much for your lovely post . Your a BB fan eh, i havent watched this one .

I have such admiration for you and how you have dealt with the tough times, you have shown such humiliaty and patience throughout it all and im sure in a few months time you will look back at this phase in your life and take great strength from how you dealt with it.

The finish line is in site, keep going castle your doing amazing.

take care

blondie

hey Castle.....

Thank you for posting...havent much to say over last few days ...well for me anyway.lol

Also agree with Blondie ..very much a man of humility whilst getting battered from all sides some days...and with patience ...

Have'nt watched BB since Vanessa Phelps had a meltdown but i was hooked in the early days..

I may start watching it if Brian Cox.. celebrity man of the Universe goes in as have still got the hots for him.lol

R and D xx '

hey Castle...

You sure we havent got the same relatives.?..lol...also experienced that over regimented thinking too with my lot...

I think some of that side of me has relaxed a bit but still i have my to do lists every day..reckon I would have been great in the army..

Guessing its all about balance and i could do with taking my social life up a notch but i havent got the cash to be doing that too much or petrol money to do the drives to pals as its normally a tenner in the tank and a bottle of wine..most have kids so its me that usually has to make the effort to go to them.

Clamped down this xmas too....not cos im tight but iit dawned on me that my married pals have 2 incomes to buy me one pressie but i am one income to buy 3 or 4 pressies !!! espcially if they have 1-2 kids....lol..bah humbug

Hmmmm..knocked that on the head now..but eventually the balance will come and when the weather picks up i will be out an about with Dots more..fancied joining the ramblers now fitness levels have gone up...used to drive everywhere in my old job but now using my legs more...lol

Hope you and Jess have a good weekend...

R and D xx

Thanks Rachael its so funny sometimes the stuff we talk bout on here , yes it is a recovery site for gambling addicts but really so much more than that

Been thinkin bout pay day and how my view has changed so much b4 when gambling the buzz and excitement that would come with it the annount of money I would av to gamble with , no sense of responsibility of what I needed it for to me it was just tokens to give away and when it was gone it was like an enigma to find a way of getting more with no thought of the consequences that would a!come my way for many years to come

Pay day was yesterday I paid out what I owe and left with a reasonable amount just the not knowing of how much more of the solicitors bill is left to pay , but now I am so reluctant to spend more than I av to , not tight in any way but now show so much more respect and value for it , I watch every penny I spend and make sure it lasts

Always take jess for a nice meal on the Saturday after pay day its something we both looked forward to , she's been teasing me this mornin as we watched big brother last night from the last two nights and to my dismay Trish went out , think she's gonna take after me in that way winding people up with a touch of sarcasm , the old saying goes parents make the kids who they are , with jess she can av my good qualities as long as she steers away from my bad ones and thats something I won't let happen

Thanks

Really busy day yesterday ,the snow causing havoc 1st thing managed to get to work , straight from there went to gym then jess was on her way round , she wanted to watch big brother from last night straight away so didn't go out to eat just ordered a Chinese in , when she went to bed just after nine so did I

really pleased to wake up to no snow as it does nothing for me whatsoever other than grief and stress so for me I hope it dont come back again anytime soon

Working today so another busy day ahead , life is still goin forward in the right direction but with no giant strides but thats ok as long as I dont go back

And that I won't

Hey Castle

Hope you have had a decent day.

Its great to read that you are still going forward in the right direction.

I don't mind the snow too much but I've got this fixation about clearing the path and driveway as soon as I can. My missus who is a snow lover thinks I am nuts and she had the kids at the kitchen window booing me the other day as I was shoveling it all away. I must get it from my dad he's just as manic with a shovel when it snows too.

Keep strong mate, you are doing great. Speak soon

LA

Hiya castle. Haven't been posting to much lately been a busy boy. Glad all is well with your good self. I realised my diary was a year old recently and wanna say a massive thank you for all the support you have given me during this time. Some of your advice had got me to this stage and really helped a lot and I still use that advice now and will continue to. Thanks again and looking forward to many more posts between us as life just keeps getting better for us both.