reborn on the 4th July

Thanks guys some great replies there full of advice support mixed with normal chat this place for me is a godsend

Had a good day off got some bits done then drove ten miles to a meeting which turned out to be pointless in my view the information was already there anyway so a return journey home in the rush hour traffic but like I said I just get on with it now

Had jess last night which was a bonus as I'm working a day shift today , I asked jess and she jumped at the chance I dont think the ex was too pleased as she was put on the spot a bit , I probably shouldn't av offered in the 1st place but can't change that now

I am hoping in another week I should hear something from solicitors as the 21 days will av passed that they had to respond to my complaint , my gut feeling is that it will all the in together with the decree absolut comin through but not stressing bout it been quite patient on that one in honesty I know its over like a no 10 and 11 batsman needing 300 and all day to bat , its over just a question of when , mind u like the batsmen the solicitors are stayin in as long as possible

For me just enjoy today

Hey Castle

You are right there my friend and acceptance is a key to maturity ....i guess on this forum we are all growing up in front of each others eyes ...no shame or embarrassment as we all know we have flip sides some more extreme than others but also folks on here all trying to understand each others points of view even though they may be alien...

In the 12 step programmes they always ask for a willingness to change ..not enforced..

I guess willingness gives us all a choice and we can chip away at our blocks over time..

It's not "just add water " cured....and it never will be and I think we all in our own way have come to accept that ,myself included.

We have to work with our strengths and minimise our weaknesses and avoid our triggers.

Have a great weekend Castle xxx

Gotta love a pointless meeting I have a few of those myself. Glad the urges aren't really there as it can be hard after a slip but your moving on nicely. Hope your answers from the solicitors come soon and there the right answers. I agree with what you said about getting your brain thinking right thats what I try to do with and early post. I think it helps. Have a good weekend mate.

Thanks Rachael David

Jess had a late night so still asleep so managed to post a bit this morning , with it been fathers day want to make sure she gets my full a attention

Received a letter from my solicitor yesterday bout my complaint , the response I got was that whey would wipe off the 214 pound outstanding balance on my account but any future work would av to be paid for , after digesting this my thoughts are I dont know how there could be 214 outstanding as there as not been any need for much work to be done since my last invoice and what I dont like is I still dont know when the divorce will come through and how much more there will be left to pay , in honesty this is what I expected but not with the I would av to pay anymore , if they had said we will wipe everything off no more to pay I would av accepted this , this leaves me where I can appeal again and take my chances or cut my losses now , so will take some advice on this one and not rush it I av 21 days to respond , I was hoping the divorce would be through by then , I just need to stay calm and focussed as I can feel myself getting irritated by it all again

I hear a little girl waking so time to go thats my priority the solicitors and divorce can wait

Great priority there Sir Castle ....and if anyone deserves closure on this now it's you my friend .

Closure is my word also for the day ...as when that day happens we can both stop waiting to breathe and finally exhale and let the whole d**n thing go into history .

We keep finding this strength from somewhere and I'm glad ol Lucy and CB gave you a blast form the past there...that's a codep relationship in carton form ..lol

respect my friend

r and d xxx

Thanks Rachael thought a lot bout that clip yesterday

Had a fabulous day with jess , visited my parents and gave my dad is presents usual bottle of whisky chocolate but thats what he likes , as always a bit awkward whenleaving as my mom always pressures jess for a kiss goodbye and at times she's very reluctant to the point when it becomes quite embarrassing , she's a very strong minded child and to be truthful I think she picks up the atmosphere when it comes to hugs and kisses as for me the barriers come straight up , I believe with jess my mom is trying to make up for what she missed out on with me and my sister but thats a story for another day , then went to the fair which jess loved and then to her cousins where we all jumped in their hot tub , jess got me a DVD which I watched last night so a really good day overall

I emailed my reply back to solicitors saying I would agree to their offer with the understanding of how much work their is to do on my divorce and if it was minimal then ok I did suggest that all further work should be free as to me its just a case of the decree absolut been sent out to me , my only worry is to agree then a huge final invoice comes through and I av already excepted their offer and can't do anything bout it , so it goes on and on got to stay focussed and strong as its so close now and then it will all be over

Back to work today , spoke to the staff who is off sick with stress she's now got another sick note for a further 3 weeks so got some more juggling bout to do with Rotas the only good thing is I know and can plan ahead

Still no urges no desire to gamble I will enjoy today and see what it brings

Hi Ya Castle,

No urges, no desire to gamble. Just enjoying the day and seeing what it brings. That's sounds just right! You deserve some peace my friend. Enjoy! -joanxxxx

Hi Castle,

Thanks for your recent post bud.

So pleased you enjoyed your weekend greatly and that your ordeal with your divorce is soon to come to an end. You deserve a break and I hope you can look forward to the rest of your life, very soon.

Congrats on remaining gamble free, thankfully gambling seems a long way from your thoughts at present with so much going on - Good on you.

Have a great week mate

Thanks Joan Andy

A good day yesterday work went well picked jess up from school and she had a friend round and in the evening had a few beers , a straight forward day just the way I like them

Still finding it really difficult to move on from friend at work , we still talk and still get on ok but there's still a pang of bitterness every now and then , looking back making the decision to stay with her son and partner but mostly me putting up with it for too long really ate away at my self esteem and now trusting people is a big issue , by not seeing her other than work has helped I'm now at my strongest ever , does she like that ? No not really it will be really interesting to see how she reacts if I ever meet anyone else whether she still wants to be friends then , time will tell on that one , now I dont give into her its prob not surprising I dont give into gamble I always knew the two were linked but I dont blame her only myself for been an idiot all that time

When I do move on and meet someone else I hope she doesn't blame me again the only person she can blame is herself , she made her choice in life and now she will av to live it

Been on my mind for a while that so good to get it off my chest

Hey Castle

Thank you for being there ....never liked Jonis voice as a young singer but as she has got older I love love love her voice ...gravelly and seasoned ...she really is a legend and that song stands the test of time.

I watched a docu on her and how she was reunited with her adopted daughter . Her pals said her work was complete ...much of it grief based and i didnt realise what a fab painter she is too...

Thinking about your friend at work and to be honest she hasn't a leg to stand on to blame you if you meet someone else which I know you will. She would/could not make changes to accomodate you because of her lad which i guess is her choice but likewise she can't expect you just to wait I the wings and live like a monk....

Timing ...eh? ...it's a bummer,

Keep posting Castle and dumping the trash as we do xx

R and D xx

Yo,

Thank you for your post this morning , in the process of regrouping mentally .

Sure within a few days , I will feel a lot better .

Till then please note that you to have had a massive impact not only on my recovery but many many others .

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Thanks Rachael shiny

Yesterday was on a late and back on an early this morning which I dont mind but yesterday was just awful , set off to work full of positivity , got to work greeted by staffing issues which to be fair thought ok I can deal with this , then after been there an hour I received an email from the solicitor who is dealing with my complaint , previously they had offered to waive the 214 pound outstanding on my account I had put the question to them how much cost was left , the reply was that another 150 plus VAT and 45 court fees totalling 225 and would I agree to this and they would proceed in finishing my divorce off asap , I was livid has I av already paid the 45 pound court fees 6 weeks ago , to me a guy who is dealing with my complaint can't even get the facts right I just dont know where they get their figures from the 214 I couldn't work out and now another 150 plus VAT to do what ? As u can imagine my head was in a spin working till 10pm loads to do I just couldn't concentrate , I couldn't reply to it I was too angry and didn't av all my divorce file I av kept to check the facts and with been back on at 6 this morning I av no time to do anything , I had a meeting that afternoon not for long which my head wasn't in it during that someone phoned in sick and finally my line manager phoned me to say that hes goin to need one of my management over the next few weeks for some days bearing in mind I av a full time management team off with stress and another one on holiday for two weeks , so an awful day but managed to get through it

So I av two choices accept the offer which taking off the 45 will be bout 180 to pay or I challenge it back , I av very mixed views on this part of me wants it over the other tells me to fight , fighting is goin to drag it on and on so its something I need to think bout whilst working I can't deal with it so I will get through today I'm off tomorrow I will look at the facts again and make a decision

The reason my line manager wanted one of my team is than another store manager was goin to be off he had just found out is wife who has been battling cancer has got 3 weeks left to live , for me this puts life into perspective I can moan and moan get stressed as much as I like over my divorce but I do av my health something I think we all take for granted at times it shudders to think how u deal with news like that

Out of all this I'm very concious of how I'm feeling and am pleased that that gambling demon that lies dormant inside me is not rising

Thats up to me to keep it that way

Castle

I know we are not meant to give advice but when have I ever not said what I think... ; )

I think it would be better for you to pay the money and not challenge it but in doing that I would also ask for something in writing to say that this is the final cost..no further additions ,admin costs ,VAT etc..

I only say that because with these solicitors you may end up paying more by challenging it than the original figure plus it would involve energy from you and also occupy the small amount of peaceful headspace you have worked so hard for....

Just my opinion my friend and as always meant with good intent ...plus you also have a lot on your plate work wise plus challenging it will keep you locked in further to a situation that you need closure on xxx

R and D xx

Ps

Thought just popped in my head..."loose the battle to win the war" xxx

Thanks Rachael

Not much of a better day yesterday after only grabbing a few hours sleep due to been up so early and working late tied in with the solicitors been on my mind all the time , my 1st thoughts was that email couldn't av come at a worst time I just wanted to deal with it straight away but couldn't with work but in reality it gave me time to think and not make any rash decision , the anger inside me with the way I am been treated was burning me up but now I am calmer and thinking more rationally , believe me I want to fight this all the way the truth is I know its no good for me my stress levels are through the roof feel so low bout it all losing my concentration levels all a recipe for gambling and thats got to be my true focus

So today I will email my reply and agree to the offer with the understanding the 45 pound be removed from my final invoice

Then I need to shake myself I feel very isolated with all this not a lot of support trying to be strong for jess when all I feel is bitterness I could honestly just sit and cry

I will not let this beat me I won't go out and gamble , the determination is still strong I want that better life I need to sit tight face upto all of this deal with it accept the money will av to be paid and not try to chase it like I did previously

Today I will be strong I am the better person