reborn on the 4th July

Hey Castle ...

You are the better person my friend....write this off and shelve it if you can....

Remember ...darkness before the dawn..trust me on this one .You are nearly at the end of it now and have stayed focussed all this time through thick and thin...

Keep holding the end of that rope Mr Castle as I have got the other end as have all your supporters on here ...yep the tension is a bit tight but we are pulling in the right direction..

Keep posting and dumping on here ...no need to go back ...it's just taking longer than we thought with our financial stuff .

Its a big ask Castle but TRUST me on this ...cry if you need to and discharge some stress but remember to keep that rope tied to your chair ...

R and D xx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-srzT2olJ2Q&sns=em

One Belgian Castle Horse.....18 Solicitors ....

xxx

Thanks again Rachael u av been a solid rock of support over the last year

Shook myself down and written my email , I took a bit of advice first and av asked for confirmation on the 45 pound for court fees whether the receipt I hold is the actual court fees they are referring too in their offer and also asked to detail the additionat work as my last meeting with my solicitor suggested that now I had signed the declaration for decree absolut it was just a case of waiting for the court approvals , it was all done nicely based on facts no personal feelings involved , to me it looks like they av overlooked this and is an error on their part again , so I will await their response I am under no illusion that it will make no difference other than reducing my payment by 45 pounds but at least I could do was ask the question , then I will agree to the costs and my divorce will be done

I feel more at ease now probably not been at work has helped and had some time for myself , so I will patiently await their response and just now enjoy today

A long day at work yesterday , I av to say finding it really hard to stay positive there is so many changes goin on with not the right support in place the pressure that I am been put under and the pressure I am putting under my team is too much in my opinion , maybe thats the way I'm feeling at the moment I'm just so disallusioned with it all , I know my personal life is not helping with the divorce playing havoc in my head and I guess trying to separate home life from work is proving to be tough , in in honesty I really resent the girl who is off 5 weeks with work related stress and that is not good I am comparing my problems to hers something I need to accept and stay professional

Off today so can spend some quality time with jess and enjoy it no plans as yet she's still not woke this mornin bless her slept with her cousins the night b4 so I guess she's catching up on her sleep

Still very strong on the gambling front with everything goin off still no urges , starting to lose track now since my last slip but dont mind that I always will only be as good as my last bet

Castle.

fella your resolve to fix the sh#t in your life is outstanding.

keep focusing on what's important YOU.

We can't change the things out of our control, to let them pollute our feelings is natural, the old grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence as they say!!

Keep focusing on you and yours.

A day off to enjoy that good company, a just reward for a man who gives his all.

Enjoy your day my friend, the other sh#t will sort itself.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Castle ..

The resentment I can also feel in work..I have some one who lets just say extracts the urine ...I ended up cancelling two dental appointments as a result of being made to feel bad in taking one afternoon off to go to the dentist for a filing that's come out and has been out for over 6 months running the risk of infection and abcess...

One of my staff is late for work because they were meditating!!!! w*f ....

Anyhooo..just to say i hear ya ..and there is a point to it which is we are good people xx

R and D xx

Thanks Duncan Rachael

Hardly had a second this week swapped night with jess Mon Tues so worked late last night and back on an early this morning all for the good of work with prom change over goin forward this will be a regular happening Every 3 weeks

I made full use of an employee assistance helpline which is all confidential so spoke to a counsellor just to get everything out how I was feeling I told them all the events for the last 3 years didn't hold back from anything , the 2 key points he picked up was one I needed a break which I pretty much knew but thats goin to be another 3 weeks till I av a week off , and the one that made me think the most was the question he put to me which was what sort of support do u av in place ? Other than gamcare my counsellor who I see now only every 6 weeks and was told last time I had been too many times as under NHS I should av only gone 8 times , and there's not many others I talk to apart from the odd few but they av their own worries so that made me sit up and think a bit , can phone them any time so its good to know there is another option

Staying positive as still no news on my reply from solicitors , no urges with gambling and feeling strong

For now back to work catch up with everyone soon

Hey Castle,

just reading your last few posts, and seems as if you have so much on your plate. Well done for remaining gamble free throughout the difficult times, I have great admiration and respect for guys like yourself who lead the way for us relative newcomers.

take care and keep it up.

Phil

Hi castle ..

Yep ..that's why I'm still in the forum as GC said the same thing to me when I asked for diary to be deleted and maybe leaving the site....

I'm still in the poo but I also will have no support as I can't see a counsellor as we are on permanent skeleton staff and no cover in work ...head office cut back on casuals some have no budget for them and i rarely take lunch breaks.

So I'm still here lol xx

R and D xx

Hey castle

Sulking is the cruelest thing I think......it's also an act of aggression but as usual the person who reacts badly to a sulker gets scapegoated.

Sulkers also hold people hostage and then like you say you are the one that's got to do all the running and pandering they are the Queen or something ..

I'd rather have a face to face stand off that's all done and dusted in half an hour than that...

Making the most of my diary Castle xxxxx

R and d xxx

Hi castle,

Well by the sound of it you having quite a lot on yourself recently, i hope time will go quicker and your well deserved holiday will come faster than expected:)

Stay strong and carry on

best wishes

Sandra

Castle,

I hope all is well my friend and pray for a quick conclusion to your divorce proceedings.

Tomso.

Thanks Phil Rachael Sandra and Tomso

Off for a couple of days now and ready for it been another tough week with work

Still no reply from solicitor it has been a week since I asked for clarification on the two points , trying very hard to be patient and not get frustrated with the whole matter my guess is thats what they want as in a way they know I av trapped them into admitting another mistake and dont want to admit it , the ball is in their court now I really want to send another email to remind them its been a week and no response but I'm holding off for now , any post I receive generally comes from them on a Saturday so will sit tight for now

Got a session with counselor today and am ready for that it will allow me to pour more of my feelings out to her

Read a real tricky post this morning one that puts recovery into perspective , the post explained there absence from this forum goin back to gambling but only to av cleared their debts in the process but now they av realised that this was fortunate and the reality is they want to stop again , they wanted to tell the truth and say it how it was but concerned it could affect others with what they wrote , in recovery my view there is on right or wrong its all bout the individual , so if writing what happened to benefit ur own recovery who is anyone to judge , we can only control our own decisions and can't be made accountable for anyone else's , everyone has choices so if they want to react to that post and make them think there's an opportunity to win money by gambling then thats down to them , the truth and reality is it won't help win or lose

With my 4 relapses I tried to win money to pay for things like solicitor fees car repairs or clear debt if I had been fortunate and won a large amount I think I would av done the same and been honest bout it as its their in black and white what happened a reminder for the pitfalls that lie ahead

In truth u could argue all day what's right and wrong on here with what people write , what matters to me ultimately is my own recovery and I will always do what I think is right or wrong if people dont agree well their entitled to their opinion

Castle,

Thank you for your reply on my diary. As previously mentioned I was very apprehensive about writing it but if I didn't my diary would be a lie.

It was no surprise to me to find you as one of the first to reply. You offer amazing support on this forum and we have been on a long journey together. I have no intention of ever leaving this forum again and hope we are both here together charting our successes along the way.

Only good things are round the corner for you. You have experienced turmoil like no other for the past few years but the divorce conclusion is hopefully around the corner and I believe you will look back on this as possibly the most challenging time of your life. In other words, you will be ready and able to deal with whatever else life throws at you in the future because of the experiences you have under your belt. Your four relapses have all been on the back of large unexpected bills during extremely stressful times. Soon you will enter new times where the stress will not be comparable and the relapses will not occur again I have no doubt about that.

Keep strong my friend and thanks once again for your understanding post on my diary.

Tomso.

Yo,

Good morning , hope you do manage to get those few days break , without being called in 🙂

I think you are right , and agree with you whole heartedly about posting on this site . Did the chatter bout controlled gambling which was going on before my relapse end up being a contributing factor . Who knows ? What I do know is that I welcome different points of view to gain a greater understanding on how to sustain recovery and live a productive life where the first port of call in times of stress is not standing in front of a FOBT .

If there was a stress measure in existence I think you and I would both be pretty high on that scale . So honestly my friend I believe we are both doing brilliantly . I am not going to get hung up on the relapse , and I hope you don't on yours . We are addicts , addicts loose the battle now and again . But as I said before what defines us is what we do next . Us we get back on the horse and start again when many would have thrown in the towel .

Rambling a bit here ........Sossssssss..........(sure Jess says that 🙂

Have a good day mate, looks like the sun is trying to break through the clouds here .

Shiny xxxxxxx