reborn on the 4th July

Hey Castle

Just a flyer to say helloooooo xxx

Thanks Sandra Rachael

Been thinking a lot bout this site and our diaries and how they are used , I started my diary over 18 months ago and the purpose was to stop gambling I wasn't really sure what to expect as it was my 1st attempt at any diary in my life the support overwhelmed me and found at 1st it was easy no urges the determination was there after a while it became harder lookin back tryin to find the balance to come on here and talk bout gambling everyday the one thing I wanted out of my life

became difficult to handle bringing many ups and downs along the way I always stuck at it and never gave up I always found reading one post would inspire me to respond and the motivation would return

The debate I really enjoy something to make me think many a time I read a post at 5 in the morning and it sets me up for the whole day thinking bout it I av also made some real good connections but tried not to be clicky posting on many newcomers there is always goin to be people who I don't connect with and just put that down to timing but I will always post to someone who I feel brings a lot of support to this site even if it is just to to tell them that it wouldn't work without them

The one thing I always remember though is its my diary my recovery and that's all that matters that's all I can control that's all I can worry bout yes I want to try and help others but I'm not responsibild for their actions just like their not responsible for mine, I read other diaries and I take priceless information and put it into my own recovery if there's anything I don't like what I read then I don't read anymore if I feel it doesn't help me I try and be respectful and know at times it can be difficult to not respond on one occasion I did when someone was giving another a really hard time for no reason at all and it all turned a bit nasty and I got involved in the heat of the moment, I learned from that and always try not to take any sides now

It is a huge learning curb and I'm still learning 4 relapses tell me this but I won't give in I want that bettet life and I will get it

Castle

My friend what a great post to read, humility is the one thing that recovery gifts in abundence.

I hope the rewards recovery gifts you keep coming as your efforts certainly deserve them.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey castle,

Top post! Fantastic to read 🙂

Well done for another day gamble free and thank you for your continued support.

Have a nice weekend

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Castle,

What a fantastic post from you, You really were reborn on the 4th of july and are earning your independance, I know it has been a bumpy ride for you but all that S***e is hopefully behind you now and you can ride off into the sunset, with your cowboy hat on shouting.... YeeeeHaaaa.

Keep doing what your doing and what ever works for you is all that matters, You to add so much to this forum and should be proud of yourself.

Take care, not sure when your off to blackpool but have a great time.

take care

blondie x

Thanks Duncan Sandra Blondie

In 18 months I can honestly say I never logged on as much as I did yesterday the main reason been the new debating thread set up by Duncan and proved to be a huge success ., for me its simple I need the desire and motivation to log on and debate gives it me doin this helps me in my recovery and that's all that matters I want that better life I don't want gambling playing any part of it I know the triggers

For me my diary is to log all my thoughts good and bad to put out the trash that I feel I av no one to talk to bout this is releasing stress my main trigger for gambling my other trigger is boredom so the more spare time I av and no plans the risk is there and that's why its important I use this site to read and read post and when motivated 2 to 3 hours can be easily passed so days like yesterday on here really helped so for me keep the debating goin

One more day to work then start of my 2 week holiday goin to Blackpool wed to wed to split it up a bit as I find nothing worse than goin away getting back then back to work next day this way I get a few days either side

No urges at all now jess back life is back into some sort of routine so hopefully the boredom trigger won't play any part soon moving forward the stress is very little for now and no real worries bout anything so I'm hoping for a good long period of no gambling or thoughts bout it but won't let complacency set it and that's where again this wonderful site helps

Never been one for counting but did quickly do the maths and when in Blackpool 100 days will av passed since my last bet pleased with that but as always my theory is I'm as only good as my last bet

Castle,

100 days gamble free is an amazing achievement and shouldn't be underestimated.

I hope you and Jess have a great time in Blackpool a place that holds happy memories for me.

Have a lovely weekend.

Tomso.

Hey Castle,

Finally not too long till your well deserved holiday. I am sure you will have a fantastic time and i wish you to get the most out of it.

Good stuff on gamble free days, as well as stress free life is a huge step forwards in your recovery.

All the best

Day at a time

Sandra x

Thanks everyone

Making this my last post b4 I go away as I av jess now 24/7 and want to give her my full attention to be honest its come at a good time to take a break from it all , I think after the recent debating thread which I initially thought was a great idea but then proved to be way too personal with some real strong views

One post in particular has left me questioning my own recovery which was a point raised why I follow a diary which is trying a theory of controlled gambling , my initial thoughts were I was just offering support to a fellow Gamcarer yes their recovery was different and as we all say recovery is bespoke but the question raised was it due to not letting go of gambling and read for the thrill which is something I had never thought bout

I still stick to my original thoughts and believe it has helped me in my own journey but did put another slant on the whole situation. , don't see this as a negative just an opportunity to explore that question

This next week at the forefront of my mind though will be jess giving her 100% and making sure she has the time of her life and creating some real special memories

Off to pack now Blackpool here we come quite apt that the hotel we are staying in has castle in the name so should be very homely lol

Catch up with everyone soon

Hi Castle... would that be " Norbreck Castle"?... Just down the road from me..

Hope the weather stays fine.

Jon

Have a super time Castle and enjoy living life ....that's what it's there for ..

Also trying to have other things in my life like a second job ..lol but hopefully it will keep me out of mischief one night a week.

Still not up for socialising but it will do me good..

have a great time at the pleasure beach...you are surrounded by GC 'ers even with your phone off!!!.Jon up the road ..me about 50 miles down the M6 ..lol

Keep Calm And Buy A Kiss Me Quick Hat xxx

Thanks for the post Castle, appreciate your continued support. Hope you are enjoying your break.

Thanks Rachel Jon

Yes Jon it is the norbreck castle and by all means come down and say hello

Jess fast asleep so managed to squeeze some posting in b4 we travel down today, had a good few days with jess not done too much as trying to save our pennies for hols

Felt really uncomfortable as I av just posted on captains diary and felt in a way I needed to justify myself why with all the recent debate like I said it as made me question myself but av been giving this a lot of thought and the truth is even though I may not agree with his theories I still want to offer support which is something I was doin b4 all this escalated so to stop and not post for me would not be the right thing to do

I won't let anything come between my recovery and that's all down to me still feel really strong no worries on the Blackpool front even with all the amusements which jess will want to go in to spend her 2ps my soul concentration will be on her and making sure she has the best time ever

This time I am loggin off the week

Yo,

Probs missed the boat so to speak , but just wanted to say have a really good time .

Who needs Blackpool illuminations when you have Jess to light up your life 🙂

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hey Castle

Just left you a wee note in response to your post to me today ...

Just to say a big thank you...Don't ever think its about me giving a second chance. It may sound strange to you but when I look at Duncs Sarah, I often feel a failure because I could not have stayed .

I had no kids as you know but there is a side of me that was beating myself up for not either being weaker and less aware of addictions or stronger and and still knowing what I do and staying ...it was like a rock and a hard place.

When I read the friends and family I know that most on their leave with children so I know deep down I would have still gone...

I stay on here like yourselves for my own recovery but also to prove 2 points for myself .

The first is that I won't live in fear of addiction as I have my whole life and the second is to finish unfinished business ....don't forget...there are not only people on the forum that read my posts..;-)

I left after a slanging match that lasted 24 hours and still felt I never was heard...it's been nearly 2 years now and aside of a drunk emotional" i love you "text from the grand national 3 months after I left ..I have heard nothing ,

My exes mum often reads on here as I believe he does or did,

In many ways If he has read or is still reading he will know exactly who I am. The good ,bad and ugly ..being on this forum was my way of having a voice...one that was not listened to when we lived together...

That's all ever wanted..to be heard and validated and to be me.

have a super time ....phone off

R and D xx....you did good!