reborn on the 4th July

Thanks Dave

One more day till jess gets back and can't wait to see her , this time last year when she went away every time she phoned she was in floods of tears which upset us both but this year when we spoke she has been fine it just goes to show how quickly she is growin up and what a difference a year makes

I think that can apply to us all this time last year I was a good 6 months gamble free off to Portugal and flying along then the stress of the solicitors started and 3 relapses occurred think one in Nov and one in Jan the other in April all brought on by stress a huge trigger for me, last week was close but not through stress just boredom with jess away too much time on my hands then my phone broke so had no access for bout 5 days on this site so no support or reminders of what gambling can do and the football season starting didn't help but I survived it

I am a stronger person now than I was a year ago and learned a lot more bout myself this can only stand me in good stead goin forward its not a gamble free pass to a better life though its simply an opportunity to keep bettering my life the perils will always be there the triggers of stress and boredom will always come along it simply comes down to making the right choice

I cannot win cos I cannot stop that one 1st bet will lead to disaster win or lose my mindset is the only way I can win is not to gamble, I truly want that better life and the only way I will achieve it is by not letting gambling play any part of it

Hey Castle, I too feel stronger than I was last year. I have tried on several occasions to give up gambling but this time I feel a lot more stronger and prepared with better blocks in place. Maybe it's also because I have lost so much more and reached the end of my tether. Have a fab weekend x

Hey Castle , in absolutely can give you some advice with your employee and it is passed on from my boss who has leaned the hard way! ..and I was going down the same road too..

When it comes to a headworker in work even though you absolutely know they are taking the pish you always have to keep it factual and not bring any emotion into it at all.

I was getting totally wound by a member of my team as he was and still can act in ways that are "unprovable" but his behaviour is affecting other team members.

My boss said you have to log everything , keep a book, write it down and log any behaviour this person is doing..i.e ...build a case yourself ...times in and out , lunch breaks ,using mobiles on the shop floor, logging even other staffs complaints about her ...whatever or however she is taking the ***...log it.

Also make sure your side of the street is squeaky clean and this bit may apply to you more as if she is still doing her job ok but being generally nasty it's harder ..in this case make sure that you don't even have a joke or say anything that she can use against you or do anything even like touch her on the arm etc..

For example the chappy I work with has some outside interests that sometimes in fun banter we will have a laugh about ..however ..he is the first person if he were pulled that would use anything against me even jokey humour against me and play the victim,..and possibly video record me out of context on his mobile phone.

When dealing with narcissists they respond less to sympathy and all that as they will just see you as weak and they respond more to clipped , short commands , no messing, be firm ..use closed conversation and keep the dialogue with her professional at all times..go though the motions and if she tries to discuss anything too personal switch back to work related issues or have a 3rd party with you at all times especially if you need to discipline this person.

Stick to the work rules to the letter..and cover your own back at all times as if they see a gap in your work they will use it against you ..

I've changed language now ..I don't say "would it be ok if you did this?"...I say "we are doing this ..I need you to do XYZ by midday " in a nice way of course but since I've applied clear direction and a deadline it's got better ..

I couldn't rely on this person to do the right thing off their own steam.

Basically keep it business as usual absolutely nothing personal as she will look for allies and try and get people to ever feel sorry for her or take sides in work and divide the team.

If in doubt at all avoid 1-1 with this person ..always have a 3rd member of the team with you if you need to discuss anything 1-1wise.and get them to take notes ..basically have a witness ..and even tell her that for company reasons you have to record information ...

If any staff members have cause to complain then also get something in writing.

Some of this may sound extreme and it won't get to this but forewarned is forearmed ...if you feel out of your depth flag it up higher..or even deal with hr direct..not sure how it works where you are but ask for help even ACAS or ring one of the helplines confidentially..

Also , I'm sure you wouldn't do this but if you do use facebook or anything social networky do not use her name or even say anything like "had a bad day at work ..Janet (or whoever) being a b****"

Hope that helps

Keep everything factual and backed up with evidence Deal with her like a machine , emotionless and consistent ...even if somedays she catches you off guard and is nice for a day ..

I know you will find your own level with this ...

R and D xx

Thanks pinksparkle Rachael

Some sound advice there Rachael even better than our own hr dept they go soft way too easy

Jess back today and can't wait to see her really proud of getting through the last two weeks had 3 really long days on my own but each one got easier and yesterday didn't bother me at all no urges to gamble at all, hopefully now I can kick on from this just need to watch out for the triggers

One more week to work after today then off for 2 weeks and by then hoping I'm fully recharged and fresh to go and face all the challenges that life will bring

Hi mate, hope you have a lovely weekend in store and I bet you are looking forward to seeing Jess. You've done really well not to gamble whilst being on your own, which is tough to do. Proud of you.

Castle,

Hope you have a lovely time with Jess. Enjoy your weekend.

Tomso.

Thanks Andy Tomso

Got my gorgeous beautiful little girl back in my arms it was such a nice feeling to hug her and feel her love something I av missed the last two weeks, it felt good to know I had not let her down by not let gambling play any part in my life whilst she was away, this gives me a sense of belief now if I can get through a tough two weeks like that then I can get through anything

A bit frustrating that I av to work today when the last 2 Sundays I haven't would at been bettet to spend a full day with jess but she's ok with it I av Tues off instead so can av the day together then and only got this next week to go and we will get loads of time together

Just ten days b4 we go to blackpool for a week and determined to just go and av fun and make some real special memories I will be taking my phone with me but it will be switched off for the week for emergency use only jess will take hers so she can phone her mom but I just want to switch off from everything and just chill relax and give jess my full attention

No thoughts of gambling now or then I don't want it in my life anymore

Good to read you are so happy Castle. Best wishes.

Hi castle,

What a fantastic post. I am very happy for both of you, you deserve all the happiness, and i'm sure it's double joy, when you see Jess smile.

I am sure you will have a great time away and enjoy every single moment.

There is no more space for gambling in our lives, that's why we come out as winners:)

Well done

Sandra x

That's right Castle .." .you don't want it in your life anymore "...it is the best decision you have made my friend and while gambling only subtracts and robs from you, spending time with Jess and making some fantastic memories will always be a process of addition .

Got my creative head on...thinking of a 10 day count down advent calendar to Blackpool..behind each flap a chocolate shaped like a donkey ..lol ..don't think they could make a chocolate pleasure beach lol

Have a fab time...phone off ,cooked breakfasts and chillax

R and D xx

Hi Castle

I enjoy reading your posts more and more each day, you sound as if you are in a much happier place, and your love for Jess is so strong.

You are created this life for yourself through hard work and determination, for that be very proud, you are being the person you want to be, relax and enjoy Blackpool when it comes, you really, really do deserve it.

Wilsy

Hi Castle,

I agree with Wilsy, when I read ur posts about Jessica it makes me smile the biggest smile. I can see how much love u have 4 her and how proud u r of her and it is lovely 2 read. I'm sure she is so proud of her Dad 2, u r doing gr8 Castle. U r someone that I look up 2 and respect here and ur support has helped me so much on this journey. So thank u from the bottom of my heart 🙂

I hope u and Jessica have an amazing time in Blackpool, I can't wait 2 read all about it when ur back 🙂

Stay strong xx

Hi Castle

Thanks for your supportive post, very much appreciated.

You have my continued support in your recovery and I appreciate from reading your diary how much of a role your daughter is playing in this.

Thanks everyone

Had a good few days spent loads of time with jess , she cheered me up a bit on Monday as had to do a disciplinary at another store and the individual ended up losing their job which was the right thing to do but still not nice to av to tell them

Been catching up with a few diaries and again a lot of debate goin on, I love the debate side its good for the mind it keeps me focussed on my recovery what I would say is that I don't like to see others get upset by it and av an affect on their recovery in general it gets sorted out by those involved and Gamcare av the power to intervene if they think needed

As iv posted on others I av struggled over the 18 months on here to find the motivation to keep reading and posting bout gambling and finding that balance so for me debating really helps and makes me want to keep logging on, I need this site for support its my only outlet

In life I'm not a selfish person far from it but when it comes to gambling I av to try to be I take what I need from here and put it into my recovery and if that's stopping me from gambling then its the right thing to do

When I read other diaries I don't let them influence with me in regards to gambling b4 I had counselling I blamed everyone else for it rather than myself so if I read a diary and it makes me want to gamble and I do the only person I can blame is myself

Our diaries are for ourselves too express our own personal opinions of what we think is right other may not agree and that's also their opinion nothing wrong with that I truly believe this site wouldn't work if it was all nicey nice yes it would for some for not for me I would just switch off from it my brain would not absorb anything in and become bored a trigger for gambling as far as I an concerned

Long may the debating continue and of course in a healthy way and hope it benefits everyone

Morning castle,

Sorry for a late post, just don't have much choice sometimes working on night shifts:-)

Thank you for your continued support, and am very pleased to hear that you had a good and relaxing time with Jess.

I agree with you 100% and it is down to us to react to posts or not.As you say it's me and only me to blame for yesterday's reactions. I did go ott...Trust me i have learned my lesson.

I just felt it was a bit wrong approach, but you live and learn.

Anyway great stuff on your gamble free life, you doing great and should be proud of yourself.

Keep doing what you doing, it works well!

Stay strong

Day at a time

Sandra x