Road to recovery

Cynical wife wrote:

What real life support have you got in place? Meetings? Counselling? Plus a trusted friend / relative?

Effective real life support would make the difference. Being gf matters but what sustains being gf is changing the addict thinking, bringing about the self improvement so that there can be a normal way of thinking. Going it alone removes any benchmark, there's nothing to compare to so as to know what that elusive normal might be. A room of people with the same problem or an experienced counsellor gives guidance.

CW

I know you can't get to your nearest meeting till Tuesday, how about the next nearest? Did you pick up a phone list when you were there last time or you could go on the GA chat and forum in the evenings? Tri

Hi bud, it's not happened to me but I am led to believe if you have self excluded you agreed to t&c's that you will not try and open up another account using different details and they do have the right to refuse your withdrawal. It does seem a trend that they don't notice when you deposit it is the same details but when you try to withdraw they miraculously notice.

I would suggest you wait a few days seen if it comes back to you then contact them if not to get a explanation.

KTF

They emailed me back. Not only are they keeping my winnings but they won't even refund my deposits. It was a loose loose situation. They keep my account open and let me deposit as much as I want. Even days later I can still deposit then as soon as I question where my payout is, they all of a sudden flag it as self excluded and say there keeping everything. I spent all my money for bills thinking I had £1100 coming and now I'm in trouble. Il never sort my life out

Hi, I've been here quite a few times in the past and I know exactly how you are feeling right now and I know it's not good , I felt robbed and cheated aswell as many other things .

You say they will not refund your deposits that you made even though you wanted to withdraw more then what you deposited , when this happened to me and it did happen more then once or twice , I was always giving a full refund of my deposits only . The only time I never was ... Was when I had played though every penny and my balance was 0 ... Then surprise surprise my account had been locked out . There was one night I deposited £750 and played though the lot then the next day tried to deposit again and my account had been locked out and there was nothing I could do about it .... I tried to argue my case by saying I could of won my money back but now I'm unable to as I can't deposit but that was a complete wast of time .

I read on one of the gambling complaints sites that the gambling sites can do this when you have previously self excluded from the site or any sister site as it is also the players responsibility when self excluded not to resign up , so therefore all deposits that have been lost is basically their own fault so they are not entitled to a refund . .... But like I said I've always had deposits refunded but lost the extra and this has been on a few different sites ,so not quite sure how it works when there actually is money left in the account when it's been locked out ..... Maybe I was one of the lucky ones I'm not sure ....there was also a time when my account had been locked out part way though playing and I still had money left in my account , it wasn't as much as what I had deposited altogether but again I was refunded the balance that was left .

I remember how I felt and it was horrible and it was starting to happen very often because like I say I have joined and then self excluded from that many sites and then them sites had sister sites I honestly didn't have a clue when signing up that I had previously self excluded from them it was a complete nightmare .... I have so many bad memories about gambling I really don't understand why I let it carry on for so long when I actually think about properly. I feel so much better in myself and it's only been 17 days without the gambling and I will just have to keep reminding myself of all the bad memories.

i have read your diary and you have been doing so well so I know you will do it !!

Stay strong

Thanks kirstbob. Yea if I lost I can understand them not refunding me the money. The fact I had over £1000, and they don't want to pay me my winnings, I can understand. But to take my deposits away also when I won its just blatant robbery. I rang my bank and they have reversed the transactions but said they can contest it within 50 days. Yea I'm self excluded from loads of sites now and I suppose if I can take a positive away from this relapse, it's that Iv learned its not even worth the risk now. I might not even get money if I win

Hi wishicouldstop, I deposited £1200 from a credit card 2 years ago and lost it on my mobile. Online roulette. The next day i was devastated so i rang thinking i might get a bonus. They told me i had a previous account. In fact 7 and i was self excluded. They told me they would refund my deposit under their fair gaming policy. I then went to a turf wh. They refused any refund. They all seem to have different rules. My advice is to ring daily. Hound them and ask to speak to a manager. Best wishes. Toad.

I had a little nosey around at terms and conditions of betting site's today and it state's that once agreement for self exclusion has been excepted. The company will no longer try to contact you
And you except that you should not try to open an account through any means including changing emails or addresses. If a player is found to be breaking the terms of the self exclusion all winnings and any money deposited will be null and void
It also state's in tiny tiny writing that when you self exclude that they will share your information ie email address with other affiliated
Or other companies which means you will then be getting offers free bets from who ever.
Although it seems harsh you have broken the term's so although it's not right
They have you over a barrel
Personally I would take it as a lesson and move on.
I would also think about opening a new email and close the old one down.
Have a good one

I rang my bank and explained exactly what had happened and they said in their opinion it was theft and reversed the transactions. Not heard anything back from the gambling site as of yet

It's totally irrelevant whether you get all or any of your money back. Your problem isn't the money, it's your gambling addiction. Chasing a refund is providing you with a distraction.

Move your focus to the fact that you gambled and consider what you if anything you are going to do differently next time you feel the urge?

CW

No the money really was an issue. I spent the rest of my money buying something for my daughter she wanted thinking I had £1100 coming. I was left with £3 to last me and need fuel to get to work etc. If I didn't get the refund I would have been screwed so it was pretty relevant.

Sure but the direct cause of your loss was your gambling. Not their small print, however reprehensible their policy.

CW

I can understand wishicouldstops point of view as im a compulsive gambler so I know how that mind operates - we can calculate maths as good as anyone. £120 deposited and £1,085 withdrawal pending - that's £965 up. So a compulsive gambler doesn't think the same as you CW. That £965 swirls and whirls around in the mind like a dream created by Roald Dahl's BFG. You fidget and can't sit still. The complusive gambler is £965 up so playing with any sum up to that value is 'free from harm'.

This is probably a very significant factor in wishicouldstop playing on and depositing a further £850 in a separate account. Granted there is a chance that if the initial £120 deposit had lost he may have made another deposit but for a functioning compulsive gambler there tends to always be a limit - if you can't pay the bills, buy the food, get the fuel for the car etc then people start to find out about your secret so that 'kitty' hiding in the depths of your overdraft cannot be gambled.

The predicament that wishicouldstop is faced is much worse than it was fair for him to envisage and for that I sympathise. He knows he is a compulsive gambler and he knows he needs to stop. He is suffering and stressing over it. You will never understand this but at the very least respect this please and let him have some space to breath.

Wow spot on there change. I know the reason I lost money was due to gambling but I was in belief I had stopped whilst still in profit and I hadn't "lost"

I'm not entirely unsympathetic but you describe exactly the addict thinking that needs to change if there is to be recovery.

The decision to gamble leads to financial shortage all round. Accepting this does promote recovery.

CW

Hey wish...
Only us compulsive gamblers understand 100 % ...
The same as those on the other side of gambling understand that side 100 %..
As compulsive gamblers we are all here for support...help..encouragement and that is best given by people fighting the same battle...stay strong...keep fighting...x