Road to recovery

Day 89

I felt really tempted to buy a scratch card today. It's the first real temptation I nearly gave into. My mind was telling me £2 won't hurt but luckily I managed to think straight and not give in. I thought that if I were to win (which I probably would have) I'd be sucked right back into gambling and that £2 card could cost me thousands. I guess these odd urges will never go away?

Day 90

The final countdown before the big 100. I think yesterday was just a moment of weakness that luckily I managed to beat as today I am 100% sure I don't want to gamble of any kind

Day 91

9 more days to go

Day 92

I just set up a help to buy isa. I know realistically I should put the money towards debt but these isas seem too good to miss out. Government pay 25% bonus. Be nice to have a pot of money to actually get a place of my own in a few years. Thinking positive

Day 93

Keep getting tempted. Need to remember why I'm here

What real life support have you got in place? Meetings? Counselling? Plus a trusted friend / relative?

Effective real life support would make the difference. Being gf matters but what sustains being gf is changing the addict thinking, bringing about the self improvement so that there can be a normal way of thinking. Going it alone removes any benchmark, there's nothing to compare to so as to know what that elusive normal might be. A room of people with the same problem or an experienced counsellor gives guidance.

CW

Day 94

Yea my local GA Is on a Tuesday night but I work lates. Can't get to another meeting until a week tomorrow. I have a few friends that know and support me. Just have to keep strong. Feel I have come a long way

FAILED

You ok? What happened? Don't beat yourself up..slips happens to most of us. You have come a long way, pick yourself up and carry on with your recovery.

I slipped. Won a fortune then gave it them all back

You can't win cause you can't stop. I know this is the last thought running through our heads while in action, but take it as a learning curve...don't think about money. They won't buy you what you so desperately need - peace, clarity, calm, happiness, connection.

Leave this blip behind, you cannot change it now. Look ahead...no point going over the mistakes we make. Learn from it and get a action plan in place so you feel safer next time if urges comes.

You can do it, only you can do it! Start now, start with care and kindness to yourself.

Thanks hopeless soul. I didn't think anyone would be around to comment but you have made me feel a little better. Thankyou

Gutted for you bud but Sandra is right pick yourself up dust yourself down and start again. You have the knowledge you just need to to use it.

KTF

Yea here I go again. Day 1

Ok wonder if someone could give me some info on my relapse. I deposited £120 onto a site and made a withdrawal of £1085. I played for some time and then spoke to them in live chat and asked them to freeze my account so I couldn't reverse the withdrawal. They were happy to do this for me and congratulated me. However I went on to another site and ended up loosing £850 (all the money I had left from overdrafts) I thought not the end of the world as I have stopped my binge gamble 4 days ago now and will finish a little bit up.

I have had no email or anything to confirm my withdrawal from the first site, so I went onto the site from my phone to ask about my withdrawal. To my surprise, my username and password were already saved. (I played on iPad) I thought iCloud must have saved my details for all devices. Anyway I emailed them and they told me this account was self excluded and no withdrawals had been made recently. Turns out I had already self excluded from this site and had made another on my iPad without realising I was already self excluded.

I have now emailed them from my new account and am waiting on a reply. Does anyone know where I stand with this now? They have allowed me to open a new account with same details (except different email address) play for some time, spoke to me in chat and congratulated me, and left me thinking I have a withdrawal coming for 4 days. Iv had no communication to say I was already self excluded and no updates whatsoever. Will they void my winnings? Will they give me my deposits back? I'm in real trouble now because I thought £1085 would be going into my bank any day now but this isn't looking promising now.

I hope this makes sense and Iv not just rambled on