Same old, same old....New old??

welcome back craig

for what it's worth gambling isn't gone in my life;

it may minimize it may go into hiding

but its not gone

some good posts on here

have a catch up

tri

Day 1 and mission accomplished.

Took positive action and did some cashflows to see how much of an affect the recent gamblibg had. Its not left such a big hole this time but I am aware that if I dont stop now things will escalate quickly.

Your right triangle, gambling never goes away permanently but it hides waiting for any opportunity to re emerge.

I will take a look at other forums later tonight.

Regards

Craig

Day 2 safely negotiated, looking ahead to day 3.

Craig

Day 3 is now behind me. Tomorrow is day 4 and half way to the week.

Craig

So I have now gone 1 week without gambling and I feel good. Not going to let complacency get the better of me this time though!!!

Craig

Hi Craig.

Very well done on picking yourself straight back up and one week is very good going.

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne

Thanks for the post. Hope your doing well.

Been a few days away as I have had yet another birthday. I decided many years ago I wouldn't get old but obviously father time didn't listen. Anyway, been a fun week with family and friends and thankfully NO GAMBLING.

So day 12 has now come and gone and feeling positive.

Good luck to all on this journey.

Craig

Hi Craig,

Well done on your new Recovery days.

To be honest I get a fright when I see someone with 160 days going back to gambling.

Your life must have been so much better after the worst of the raw pain wore off.

What happens to make you choose gambling then ?

Do you just get caught off- guard? Over tired or stressed out maybe?

I am just trying to get my head around it. I know it happens and happens often. I am on day 112 and am trying to find out as much as I can to prevent a relapse. Right now I think nothing would get me to part with a single penny. My brain was fried when I gambled. It is un- fried now and I want to keep it that way.

I would love to know what we all can do to prevent a slip.

Take care ,

Suzy

Hi Suzy

Very good question and I guess the only way I can answer is honestly!

First of all why go back to gambling! Bloody stupidity is the main answer. However, in a bit more detail I can explain my thought processes and prove how it can never be controlled.

So 6 years and 2 months ago I broke down and couldn't take it. Admitted to my parents about it and basically they gave me the financial help but nothing else. I think they were in denial or just don't appreciate the magnitude of the problem that gambling has. They basically said oh well you tried that and you wont do it again. Anyway, in some respects I didnt mind as it was a relief to simply open up.

I'm an accountant so I know a thing or 2 about finances and basically I asked my parents to loan me money to pay off credit cards etc as it was getting too much. They lent me 25k which I used to pay all credit cards, but I defaulted (paid off a reduced balance to clear it - 50 to 80% of what was outstanding). I then had to pay off the loan to my dad (it was a bank loan not his money, but in his name) which was cleared last year after I was left some money from my Nan who passed away last May.

So 21st August this year the defaults came off my account and I was credit worthy again so I have now got 55k in unsecured debt which paid off a secured loan and has given me some savings which I intend to use to top up a deposit on a house next year along with the equity in mine. Any savings left over will then pay the loans back to reduce my monthly out goings.

So I basically had money for the first time in 10 years and thought I'll have a go at gambling and be sensible about it. So I put in 500 and thought thats it. Win or lose thats all I put in. But of course that wasn't all I put in. But I kept saying this'll be my last xxx etc. Until I had blown 7k again (oops). My problem is online slots. I'm actually successful at sports betting but cannot keep off of slots and casino games. I get bored gambling on sports because you have to wait till the end of a match to find out if you win or lose so I play casino games in between and that loses me a fortune.

Everytime it's the same thought. I can control this I can bet within limits, but it's a load of balls.

After about 2 weeks I find better things to do and if I am being honest I have not had an urge to be since I stopped again, but every now and again I think just another 50, but it will never be just another 50 for me.

The fact of the matter is I get addicted to things quickly. PS3, Wii etc I don't play because if I do it'll be for 4,5 + hours. I play Sudoku, crosswords. Tonight I finished a 1,000 piece puzzle which has taken me 5 hours in total. I just love doing things and cannot sit still and do nothing (unless on a beach where I'll read a book or do a crossword).

The bottom line is it's a combination of boredom and greed, but mainly boredom as my job provides me with a good living.

My advice is don't ever think you can control it because you may do for an hour, a day or even a week, but in the end it will take control.

Don't be scared or worried, just sensible. Don't let the thoughts of gambling into your mind (difficult given all the adverts etc - should be banned like cigarette adverts!!). And never ever think you can "just" have one bet.

Also, keep doing what you are doing. Help others as it's amazing how when we tell others how to stop we take it on board ourselves.

Oh and love life too. I think of all the hours wasted on gambling and think what could I have achieved in that time. I could have walked our dog or gone to gym. Done housework, read a book or simply enjoyed watching a film. Instead I got stressed and upset over losing money. Well not anymore!

Thank you so much for the question as it has felt good opening up.

Take care Suzy and everyone.

Craig x

Hi Craig.

Thanks for your post.

Thanks for sharing your honest post, I like Suzy was wondering about the 150 ish mark.

I am on 158 days and I have no desire or wish to gamble, but I am aware that once we get spare cash again, it can become dangerous, as you have honestly said.

We can't bet within our limits it would never be enough, the only way is to abstain.

Thank you for being honest and your post makes me realise more , we cannot win because we cannot stop, but I am also thinking now it's not about winning or the money it's the need and urge to just gamble and gamble.

Gambling is a waste of our time lives and money, so what is the point.

Thanks again for sharing, and I wish you the very best on your recovery.

Suzanne xx

Hi Craig,

Thanks so much for your reply. I understand things so much better after reading all the details. It reminds me of all the times I too tried to control the amounts of money and time spent on gambling. It escalates.

Those were my relapses. I see that now when I read your diary.

We cannot continue to gamble indefinitely or we will lose everything. I read quitting gambling is difficult but maintaining it is so very hard.

This is our time now to put all the effort into zero tolerance to gambling. It is easier to not gamble than it is to control gambling.

Those online slots are designed to lure you in and wreck your head. They are fast paced and require no thinking. I read all I could about them and we really don't stand a chance once we play the first free spin. From then on we might as well pass our bank details to the online casino and cut out the playing.

Keep up the posting. A few minutes every day is so worthwhile.

Thanks again,

Suzy

Hi Craig I've read your posts with interest and wish you the very best in your recovery.

I'd also like to thank you because you have actually helped me in what you wrote in your posts especially the part when you said

'My advice is don't ever think you can control it because you may do for an hour, a day or even a week, but in the end it will take control'

I absolutely needed to read this!

See I have started my recovery diary today...again!

I really want to move forward and leave gambling behind me once and for all. I have struggled so much in letting go of the belief though that I could hold on to my winnings and have the willpower to quit when ahead and leave the casino.

Oh I have said the saying over and over 'I cannot win because I cannot stop'...but I realise I never actually accepted that! I still struggle with it.

I have been doing the slots consistently on and off (more on) over the past 4 years almost.

I have gone in there and won large amounts of money straigh off..like boom boom boom...taken the money out and always lost it back. Once I left with a very large win but wasn't long before I returned and lost that all back too bit by soul destroying bit.

SO on top of everything else I then lash myself mentally for not having the willpower to leave and use the money wisely. Ha what a joke! I need to get it into my head once and for all that there is no winning and that I am a compulsive gambler with a sickness so gambling is out of the equation full stop.

Thank you again for posting and all the very best to you x

Hi Suzy and Alannah

Thanks for your kind words and I am glad it was of help. It's amazing how many of us have similar stories to share.

Good luck with your abstaining and as you have said keep posting a little bit each day. It will help and hopefully keep you from returning to the gambling demon.

Craig

Day 16 safely negotiated (although with temptations along the way).

Onto Day 17 of the recovery.

Good luck everyone.

Craig