Day 93. Its been a while since i posted to my diary. An awful lot has been going on over the last month and im under an imense amount of pressure to raise money to get a place to live. Lucky for me i am in a place where i know that gambling is no way to make money. Far from it i look back over the last 12 months at my life and what i just threw away not even thinking about how i may need the money i was throwing away. Here I am now in need and what am I going to do!!! Well im not going to gamble first off to me 93 days is a grest achievement I have never felt so determined to better myself and to finally realise I have important things to do wiyh my money that i work very hard to earn. Now luckily for me im working a fair few hours for the next few months and have been since the begining of this month. That extra money is a deposit on a place of my own although it is a rented place it will be mine and i will have worked for it. Now im living a day at a time with my gambling but my blocks are in place and i have access to all my cash but i know just a pound gambled will destroy what im working for. Now to the other part of my life the break up. Now I never imagined that I would be in this place I thought she wss my rock and my world. Now I dont blame her for walking when i came clean about the gambling yes she tried to push through it first but it was just the final nail. Now I realise where we went wrong and ehat triggered me to start gambling to the highest extremes. We were never right for each other and the last 18 months have proven it through arguements lies to each other and unfaithfulness on her behalf. She is filing for divorce on grounds of behaviour against me which is fine but im not fully to blame for all of this. As a person i should have been stronger i should have not hid into the deep darkness of gambling but i did thrres no changing that. I can go on all day snd blame the reason for gambling on my relationship problems but that is no excuse for the weakness i had and for the narrow minded way i thought gambling made me happy. Far from it, gambling destroyed me and now im building myself up. Never to let anything or anyone rule my life like i let gambling do. I read a lot on here and the more i read the more i realise how big of a problem gambling is. So here I am the end of day93 and all is well my plan and my goals are set and for today I remain positive and empowered for whatever life throws my way. I have my kids and i have my family and friends who have supported me every day. And i have you the gamcare community for that I am grateful I really dont think I would be 93 days free without this place and the people on it and behind it. Thank you so much.
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