Starting again.

Hi Derv, nice to meet u in chat - read all the diaries on here and keep posting.

Good luck with your recovery.

Dev--you are doing well mate-keep it up.

I CANNOT LOSE IF I DO NOT START

Stumper

I went on the train today and i was with my son and it was freezing ..I really wanted to go into the cafe..and it felt like I wanted to look at my old enemy..THE FRUIT MACHINE?..they used to be my down fall ..until the dredded roulette came out to really finish me off..I avoided it though I think my son knew I had a temptation..coz last time i went to that station is last year when I took the family away on holiday...and I was waiting in the cafe and won about 60 quid on a pound, however that set me off and I went crazy on the holiday and gambled it away and although I had a lot of money at the time it isnt the point I let my family dowm by wasting time in the grotty arcades ..and I P***** off my family big time...especially my bro...hes sensible!...he pulled me 2 one side and said, " you are doing really well in your life, but you need to stop this"..I told him I dont usually...but hey that was cr**....I never managed to beat it..more than 1 year and over 10k later ..here I am trying to sort out this mess....I still am trying to get money...but I am slowly realising the hard way..VRY SLOWLY....that I cannot get it from gambling...all the debts in the world should catch me up and I have to resist and face everything properly and orderly...because it is kinda like hiding in the murky shadows of empty addictions and lonely payouts that actually go nowhere..whilst you lose touch of money and reality..just for that unhealthy rush of thinking that you are going to win.

Good post mate--i do not know where you live but I think I heard the smack of reality hitting you in the face a short time ago. Your post gave you every reason to quit and why you should not be a gambler. it is now upto you to follow and believe in your own words.

All the best

Stumper

good quality posting derrykid. . You ve started well in your quest. . One day at a time mate we can do this. .

You know what I am quite a guy who always acted tough..but hey that post actually broke me down..and it is different when you write about it (your own addiction) and I kind of getting to understand myself, stuff about my self my anger, my ANGER (when I lost) & my grief..my stupidity...I actually cried for an instance..a grown man..hey..that feels good!

TNX guys..nothing is more embarassing than losing your money..all of it!

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP!

TNX AGAIN.....

Mate I slightly disagree with your last post. If you lose all of your money once that could be seen as bad luck or even stupidity. If you do this again and again and again then that is embarassing and compulsive gambling.

That is why we are here.

I think most of us cry a little when we read our own and other posts if we are truthful. The posts are sad and so were we when we were gambling but we all have the power within us to be sad no more.

Have a great gambling free weekend

Day 5..

All is well "early days"...I have to keep posting daily...cozz I dont want to make any mistakes...lots of thinking going on...urges are always on the go..no contemplating at the moment though..so all good!!

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP!!

Money matters is the biggest problem on my mind, especially when those bills roll in...I read the newspaper today and it said a guy won £100,000 on a 50p bet..garbage!..I am sure these stories are put in place to brainwash people...

IM GONNA FACE THIS NOW!....and beat it..whatever stories about get rich quick, or schemes I hear or read about...

I want time to pass fast and beat this disease once and for all, although it is difficult! .. because I have gambled at least 20 years away?!... I must read more disaster stories and outweigh the success stories..that will WORK!

Ohh...

Day 7.

All good got my results 2 day and I passed all exams...told my mum im getting help.(ty gamcare).and my friend...it is onwards and upwards ..I hope from now on!....

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP!

I CANNOT LOSE IF I DO NOT START...

DAY 8...

JUST REPORTING...GAMBLE FREE TODAY...!

it is early days but I will put in the effort!

Day 9 I think?

I woke up thinking a lot today..some days I forgot then I remember what happened and it is a horrible thought but I just say to myself I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP! and i reinforce everything..which allows me to press on!

Good lad Derv you have made a good start. Keep it up but if you feel down read a few other diaries as it may help you ignore some of the urges that you will probably get.

All the best

Stumper

All good 2day..tired though...no ups = no downs = peace!

Im facing this, I am feeling good it really does help with your support!