The Devils Payroll

keep spewing Rob...darkest before the dawn....you're having a breakthrough xx

R and D xx

Hi Rob,

I know u have been down recently in chat, I just wanted 2 say thank u 4 all ur support and advice... It's really helped me stay strong on this journey!

I don't know wot 2 say really sorry, I just wanted 2 say I am thinking of u and I hope u r ok!

Take care xx

Dotty is so right. Vent your anger, blow off masses of steam. Anger can be healing, anger is not self hatred and depression. Anger is a positive outlet for all those nasty, cancerous thoughts we all have. Anger is real.

I have had therapy. If I was angry the therapist would give me a cushion to beat. He encouraged it. Imagine a huge boil that is bursting and letting out all that poison.

It is I hope the start for you.

The pathway to a slow healing process I am hoping for you.

Hi Rob,

You sound like you are hurting and having a bad time. The vile curse of gambling does that to us and your raw emotions are sure to ring true with so many of us on here.

When we are gambling we can be somewhere else, we can be someone else, the hazy clouds ensure we are hidden from emotions, from people and from life. When we stop the mist starts to clear, suddenly we see possible paths ahead but on all sides we are accosted by people by emotions and by past experience.

Before they were hidden but now they reveal themselves and we must deal with them to find our path whichever path it may be. Dotty and Graham are right, scream if you have to, you are becoming you again.

Paulds

Hi Rob,

Just popping in2 say I hope u r ok and staying strong!

Take care 🙂

Keep posting Rob...if not ....keep reading...

I'm glad you left your post on and did'nt delete it..its an honest account of where youre at and keeping it real..no stranger myself to anger and fury....

r and d xx.

Yo Rob

She's quite a clued up kiddy is oor Rach..

f****k em Rob and get the S***e out...and the guitar...

http://youtu.be/xWCQ8CAKNtY

exmug

Hi Rob,

I hope u r ok and staying strong!

I am thinking of u 🙂

Not posted for awhile, been reading though. Lots of positivity on the board with Duncs year celebrations and some people opening up and revealing the pain and scars has got me out of the corner. Like to say I am doing the same but closed up since the last post. Finding it really hard to let go and open up like that. Not sure where I go from here. Only thing I know and at times feels like its meaningless ( I know its not) is no bets since last post. Although I don't count must be over 6 months or close to it. That's all.

Fairly new to this site and feels like a big dipper ride at the moment. Some days feel like opening my soul and shouting from the treetops about the s**t in my life while other days just need to curl up in the warm and read others stories.

It's all good whatever works for you and six months is amazing so you are def doing something right.

xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWR1h-5EzUo

Hi Rob,

Over 6 mths gamble free is a gr8 achievement 🙂

It was good 2 see u post again, I hope u r ok!

We r all here 4 u if u need us 🙂

Take care 🙂

Hi Rob..

Good to see a music clip there....the way i look at it ,if you can keep connected and relating with something expressive like music or poetry ...then thats half the battle...

keep postng...the good ,the bad and the ugly..

R and D x

I remember the last time I gambled, it was really sad. I felt no high or low and it did nothing. None of the previous feelings of release and relief were present just a dull flatness, grey. Its then I knew I was done with gambling and have been since but now completely lost. I read the diaries and see the work and effort people put into making themselves a better person and digging deep into there souls. I have a lot of respect and admiration for you individuals who are able to sort through the fallout of the wars in your heads. For me I am sinking fast. Feel like my self-destruction will come full force and fear something catastrophic will happen.

Not sure what you have made use of on this site and I am fairly new here but wonder if you have spoken with any of the counsellors as you sound pretty low and empty.

No one can come up with a magic answer and everyone finds their own pace and style in recovery some needing much more help than others. Either using the chat line or speaking to someone might offer you an extra line of support to get you through this dip and allow you to respect yourself for the brill job you have done already in making your decision and sticking to it and enable you to move forward.

Take care

xxx