The last bet
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I know I can't say that the 19th November 25 was my last ever bet but I do know with daily work it will be. It's a day I don't fully understand as to what was difference. Yes there was a pending intervention from work but I wasn't the only one who thought it would have played out differently. That was also no reason to definitely stop me gambling. There had been plenty bad days over four and a half decades. I don't remember a single day I didn't gamble but numerous nights not sleeping saying to myself no more, only to wake up with a different thought process.Â
I went to bed on 18th November feeling different. I was emotionally wrestling with myself and the finality of a decision to stop. For me, it meant, I was betting on myself and could never have a bet again in my life. Nothing at all, not even a game of golf for a drink in the bar. No raffles, no lottery, no scratch cards beyond the standard drunken poison of slots and sportsbook that kept me functioning each day as a dopamine addict.Â
So for once I woke up with a decision to stop. I was broken and just couldn't take anymore. I had told my partner pretty much everything by 9am that day. I had a two hour sleep as I hadn't slept much. Woke up and decided to have one final hour of slots. I went to one of my betting accounts with the least amount of money. Went to my favourite slot and only played for 20 minutes as I couldn't do it anymore. I went onto all my betting accounts and withdrew my money. At 1134 I self excluded for five years. I wanted life but 5 years was the maximum. Pressing the button to confirm was the hardest thing to do as it meant it was final. Drawing a line and starting a different life, whatever that looked like.
To ensure this worked I then closed, self excluded and wrote rude emails to all my betting accounts telling them what they had facilitated and to ensure I would never be allowed an account with them again.Â
I'm still early in recovery on day 178 but I hope that day one stays fresh in my memory for the rest of my life.
What did day one or your last bet look like to you ?
id stopped for six months previousley and for a may 2018 birthday treat i convinced my parent sid play pub poker i went and obviously had a great time and won..... then convinced my mum that id play cautiously just the five pounds games in the pubs......
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fast forward another six motnhs of playing most days i then had started playing on the fruit machines again......
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then on the 5th of december 2019 think it was the 5th anyway i went to pub poker (allways first there)...... then walked up to the fruit machine put a pound in....... and thnought to myself this is the vicous cycle all over again....... why am i here.? what am i doing? its such a waste....
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Id 8 months ago had a full blown breakdaon,,,,,, almost lost my job....... and im still gambling ....wasting my life...... for no reason..... So i didnt play poker that night i walked out of the pub.....and havent gambled a penny (apart from one mistake a couple months later when i txt a euros tv competition to try and win footy tickets..... then realising it was gamlbing afterwards......
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Ive had a fair few escapes thru the years as im very impulsive.....like stocks and shares impulse.....pokemon cards starting but not ........ trying to get online for poker....... blocks have woeked..... been in bookies with friends and managed to not........ been invited to poker games etc..... thru these many years various things come up but ive managed to remain gamble free....... i know there will come a time when ill make an impulse decsion to gamble but soo far ive remained resolute.....
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Thanks to all at gamcare adam
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