The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists

I have not posted for a while but I remain gamble free and enjoy the freedom that this affords me.

Life is busy. There is always something to do at work or at home and I do not need the added complication of trying to find the money, the time and the place for the next bet.

The other day I picked up my mobile phone and out of pure habit went to the home page of my go-to gambling site. I closed the page straight away. Not because of shame or the fear of getting sucked in. I simply found it boring.

Life is getting back to normal. The debt management plan is back up to date. The mortgage arrears will be fully cleared in just over a week's time and in a month from now the remainng payday loans will be settled. Life will then be as normal as it can get - if there ever was such thing!

I now have a replacement driving licence and am about to apply for my first passport in well over 10 years as I look forward to our city breaks in Belgium and in Germany in August.

In the meantime I will focus on work and getting Zoe through her GCSEs. Then we can party!

As tough as life has been these past 12 years, it is never lost on me what a priveleged place I am in and just how difficult things could have been. Reading through so many heartfelt diaries as I have done, I really feel quite "jammy" and as though I have, to quote Beyonce, "dodged a bullet!"

Markman

Got alot of love for this post! Shunning gambling, clearing debts and enjoying family life(except the GCSEs) Thanks so much for your kindness and support, I wouldn't have kept going without this site and don't even want to guess what would have happened. I'm more focused than ever on staying GF, clearing debts and moving forward take care my friend Sx

I quietly make my way to the 50 day mark. Muted celebrabrations. That there are a few members on this Forum who are suffering greatly is not lost on me and I can only pray that they find comfort if not hope.

Congratulations on your half century Markman.

Good progress and a great attitude...stephen

Great to see you at 50 days, congratulations and enjoy being GF S 🙂

Markman
Fella well done on reaching your half century, for me you should be shouting from the rooftops, not because of the day count but what has changed since you last had a punt. I believe that relapse is part of this journey because I have only met very few folk who have found it possible to stop first time around, surely it's what is learnt from relapse that is important.
When we seek to end the misery caused by our compulsion to gamble we all know deep inside that the outcome will always be the same.
The mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
I read a different tone in your posts today, from that it appears the penny has dropped, you are living outside the walls addiction builds around us.
My friend enjoy it.
You turned that mantra upside down.
I did win because I did stop.
That is worthy of shouting about.
With strength and honour.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Stephen. Sharon. Duncan. Very moved by your words of support. Thank you all!

Life certainly has changed for the better in under two months.

Mortgage and DMP are paid to date and I am down to the last payday loan. Will be gone on three months and the family will be comfortable in the meantime.

Saturday morning I am taking the family to the Cinema to watch Coco. It is nice for the kids to be excited about something other than computer games.

On Sunday we gave decided to have Easter dinner out so I am treating the family to a gourmet three course meal at the Old Orchard pub in Harefield. Pricey, but some of the finest goods and certainly the view over the lake is the best view within the M25.

And then home to hunt for some Easter eggs.

Mrs Markman asked whether the Easter Bunny dealt in handbags and she will be surprised to find that he does.

As life becomes less stressful and more sedate the urge to gamble really takes hold.

Now is the time I need to remember the pain gamble causes. The endless losses and pointless deposits, the distraction, disinterest, dishonesty, mental slavery and sheer pain. It is just not worth it.

Markman

I thought I would share this delightful article from The Daily Mash.

This was me!

Enjoy!

A SEEMINGLY rational man has boasted about his talent for gambling on sporting events.

Tom Logan appears to be a fully functional adult human being, but when talking to friends and colleagues he frequently reiterates his belief that he is ‘good at betting’.

Friend Emma Bradford said: “It’s like meeting a grown adult who believes in the Easter Bunny.

“Tom talks about his bets it’s as if he’s in The Big Short, a savant using his unique gift to beat the system.

“The reality of it is that he ‘sort of fancied Arsenal would beat Huddersfield’ and he bets on Wigan in rugby league every week because they were really good back in the 90s when he last saw a game.

“I’m sure the bookies are quaking in their boots.”

Although he regales anyone who would listen with tales of his successful Premier League accumulator placed six years ago, Logan makes much less of his string of ‘dead certs’ that oddly did not come to pass.

He said: “The bookies may have their algorithms and their full-time researchers, but I have something much more powerful – a gut instinct.

“I do lose the odd bet. It’s still a lot of fun though, because betting shops have such a vibrant, uplifting atmosphere.”

LOL

A friend asked me why I have titled my diary "The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists."

TRTP is a novel written by Robert Tressell and first published post-humously in 1914.

It is a social satire and follows Frank Owen, a humble painter and decorator, as he observes the habits of his colleagues over several months while refurbishing a house affectionately know as "The Cave."

Frank, a self-professed tee-totaller, observes that his colleagues, to the detriment of their family and at the expense of having "ragged trousers," are envious of those "with money" and say that they are poor and yet always seem to have money to drink, smoke or gamble.

This is not a judgement on those that do drink or smoke or gamble, however this is very representative of my experience with the gambling institution.

When I was gambling at my lowest point, my trousers (or rather, joggers) were incredibly worn and ragged as I could not even afford to buy new clothes for my childen, let alone myself.

Like a true philanthropist, I would give all of my hard earned my wages to the gambling institution, whose only thanks was to reassure me that it did not care how ragged my trousers had become as my money was always welcome.

Of course, there is always the self-assured, clean-shaved, cologne-wearing, suited and booted patron of the gambling establishment to whom the above may not at first apply however how long, I wonder, until they have your smart trousers off you as well.

I can say with pride that today my trousers are no longer ragged. In fact I have a fresh pair for each day of the week - the first gift to myself since I found recovery.

As far as philanthropy is concerned, the gambling institution will now consider me a miser as tight as a high torque tick.

However, giving has and always will be in my nature, but is now channelled correctly.

The first anniversary of my sponsoring my little Mexican friend Sandra has just passed. She writes to me frequently and I have loved seeing her develop just as if she were my own. The joy that her letters bring me infinitely outweights the false joys that addiction has wrought upon me and I so look forward to seeing her grow up and develop and bask in the knowledge that I have somehow helped her on her way.

By supporting Sandra in some small way and focussing attentively on my own family I can to some extent undo the damage that this former Ragged Trousered Philanthropist has inflicted on those around him.

Markman

Addiction is banging loudly on my door and I came close to letting him back in.

The cold light of day has reared its ugly head. I feel low and my resistance is shot through.

I need to focus on my work this afternoon and when I get home when I can take solace in my family's warm embrace.

Markman

Thinking of you, cut your day into small chunks of time and you'l be home before you know it! Lock that door, take care S 🙂

Many thanks for your kind words Sharon. I got through the day unscathed!

These days I am grateful for each and every single day that I do not gamble. Each day is a victory.

The rewards of recovery come about so quickly but are barely noticeable.

One thing is certain: it is a relief not to feel compelled to "run down the road" or to "log in."

I have some very mundane tasks at work this morning so I will grit my teeth and get on with them but at least I am not distressed by addiction at the same time which is infinitely worse.

Markman

A beautiful sunny day. I was awake at the crack of dawn and full of energy which is a huge contrast to the exhausted depressive mornings of not too long ago. The boy was dropped into school early so he had time to play a bit before lessons and I got into work early and I am on the front foot ready to tackle what legal hurdles come my way.

Feeling confident I had to fight off complacency this morning. Just a little "what if" crept up behind me as I passed the brickbuilt red and white branded collection pot.

I am just 6 weeks away from paying off the last loan. In the meantime I have just enough to pay all bills and have little spending cash for my family. I have a choice - stay gamble free and potentially be in the best position in my adult life come June - or risk it all on a bet which may not come in but will certainly enslave me to addiction's mastery once more.

I have made my choice and continue to embrace recovery. I can now work solid for the next 5 hours and can then sit back a little and enjoy the IPL Cricket safe in the knowledge that those awesome sixes and falling wickets are just that and will not hurt my family.

Tonight is homework time with Louis and then we watch long the awaited new series of "Fear the Walking Dead" with Mrs Markman. All the while my Zoe works hard in preparation for her GCSEs and never fails to surprise with her mastery of her fiddle.

I am ever so proud of my family and not too long I am sure until they can once more be proud of me.

Markman

6 weeks until you pay off your last loan? How strange. I'm in a very similar position myself.

Let's make sure that we both make all the right choices between now and then. Like you, the dangerous 'What if?' question keeps popping in my head too.

And what's really annoying is the fact that we all know the answer to that question...!

Marching on together... and no, I don't support the football team with that tag-line.

NT

As ever great to hear from you NT! Just over five weeks until those loans are redeemed hey!

St George's Day today. It marks 103 days until the family's 2018 holiday in Germany. I just cannot wait to show my family and revisit places that I have not seen for almost 30 years. I think it will be emotional.

I have reset my counter to mark this and I am looking forward notching off another 103 days gamble free between now and then.

But today my thoughts are with my son Louis. I fear he has lacked attention generally which is resulting in boredom, frustration and short temper - unless he is playing some kind of computer game. I fear he is showing the same signs of addictive behaviour that I did at his age and do now. I feel responsible. I will be making a special point of talking to him, reading and talking him out on his bike and other outdoor activities. Thankfully his school work is still fine but I want to see him do better. Let's see how this goes.

Markman