Hi All,
First time poster, so go easy 🙂
I've recently realised I have a problem with online slots, I got sucked in about 2 years ago when I had one big win (£2.5k) at that point I wasn't really addicted and used that money to good use. Having won that money I felt I could do it again, so over the past year or so I have registered on countless websites (and also self excluded from many too for 5 years+). I have had many more big wins but the problem now was I wanted to win more and more, winning £2k no longer felt like enough. I have almost kind of lost the appreciation/value of money, which is crazy.
One thing I always do is ensure my bills are paid and put some money in savings, I just gamble pretty much all my spare cash 🙁
Last month I had a bad month, gambled all my overdraft (£1500) and then took out a £2k loan to get me sorted, I then began to gamble that money, thankfully I had some big wins and saw some sense - I paid off the £2k loan, paid off my overdraft straight away and also took the decision to reduce my overdraft down to £300. I still had over £3k in winnings left and did treat my wife and kids which felt great. I had about £2k left but stupidly decided to gamble and lost it all (within hours, sickening!!).
Thanfully I haven't got the point where I've accumulated any debt (but I have lost countless £1,000's over the last 2 year that I could have spent on my family, which makes me feel terrible. They don't do without but I could have got them so much more 🙁 ) but can feel this addiction taking a hold of me and that scares me, so before it becomes too late I want to get it sorted once and for all.
Things I've done:
- Self excluded from every single site I can find / registered on. Right now I have no active accounts and no way to bet.
- Applied a gambling filter to my home internet connection (I only every gambled on the laptop) so I can't access anysites - what I did do was check some sites and if I could still access them I reproted them to BT so they could add them to their filter (might be good for other to do this! 🙂
- Closed my skrill account
- Stopped watching slot streamers on Youtube / Twitch
I'm currently on day 2 of no gambling and have had a great day, rather than sitting on the laptop gambling I've done countless jobs around the house and garden that I've been putting off doing for months, been out with the family for a bit of shopping and having lunch out, it's been great!
I fully intent to stop this nasty addiction, my brother is also having similar problems (sports betting) and I'm doing my best to offer him as much support as I can.
I won't be updating this diary on a daily basis but I would like to call in regularly to give updates on how I'm going and if I've had any temptations and how I dealt with them!
It's been great reading other peoples journey and that has certainly motivated me, wishing everyone all the best in becoming free of gambling.
It's also feels great fetting this off my chest and sharing with other...
I'll be back soon within the next week to give an update, I'm certain it will be a postive update too!
Hi gambler999 and the warmest of welcomes!
It's always unfortunate when dipping into this destructive world for the first time and winning a large sum - it makes you think 'wow', 'this is easy money' and, inevitably, 'can I do this again!'.
Sadly, the law of averages is such that repitition is unlikely, and a cycle of trying to emulate that moment begins. But you realise this and, even better, have started to put some blockers in place.
You've emptied your feelings here, which is great. It must feel cathartic! I'm wondering, have you let your family know. It might be worth sharing this with them, you will know if this is the best thing to do or not. A problem shared, and all that. It might help to relieve the pressure and reduce the chance of a 'sneaky' relapse. It's worth serious consideration. And, what's more, maybe a trusted love one could look after your finances. No money availability = no gambling. Emasculating? Nope, a sign of strength.
You need to consider whether the blockers you've put in place are enough. If tempted, could you gamble, you need to ask yourself. Now's a good time to plug those weak spots.
It takes a big loss, usually, to draw a line in the sand, and your recent losses have given you that impetus. It's great you've come here, started a diary, because it shows you have a serious intent.
So consider, whilst licking your wounds, counselling. There might be an underlying reason to all this (or there might not be!). It's always good to talk things through, and Gamcare offer this free and anonymously.
It's a shame your brother is similarly afflicted and you can suggest he can get help too, if he is open to the idea. Let him know you're not gambling any more, though - don't fall back into bad habits yourself.
Remember, it's not just the money you're wasting but time. Time is valuable, and you've already noticed - on Day 2 - how that time can be better used rather than gambling / thinking about gambling / being miserable about gambling!!!!
I wish you all the best. Keep writing if you can, and if you have any questions or thoughts fire away.
Welcome to the chance of the life you deserve; you don't need the misery of gambling 🙂
Mixer
Dr Luke Clark found out that we get our highs from the near miss. Ie we love almost to win. So if your wondering why its like putting handcufs on when you sit infront of a slot you will have the awnser. Keep writing, forgive yourself. Build self confidence and turn of the autopilot. Mindfullness helps in being more self aware. Best of luck in your recovery!
Thank you c43herb and Mixer for the words.
I do feel I've put in place all the blocks I can - I can't get on anysite that would allow me to bet and even if I could I've self excluded for a minimum of 5 years off every single one of them (and their sister sites too).
Quick update to say had a great weekend with the family, got round to emptying the garage, been putting this off for ages and also tidying away the garden furniture for the winter, felt productive! Also got out for 2 early morning runs. I'm off today with my youngest and rather than be tempted to gamble I've kept myself busy going to the local butchers and stocking up, about to head out to the park for a nice Autumn walk.
I can't say I've felt any urges to gamble, I feel in a much better state of mind and it's going to be nice to look at my bank statement soon and rather than see a constant stream of deposits I see normal every day bills, I think that mentally will make me feel good.
Day 4 and feeling good and motivated, I call by on the forum most mornings just to read others stories and keep myself on track and motivated, it's great reading other peoples success stories.
Quick Update - Day 6 and happy to say things are on track, not one single wobble. I've had no temptation to "try find that one last site". I'm in a great place mentally, feel like I'm heading in the right direction and just generally feel better in myself. No longer am I rushing home to get on the laptop to try hit that big win, I'm out running and just spending more time with my family. It's great!
One thing I felt proud of was convincing my brother to close all his accounts. He had closed a couple of sites for 30 days but I convinced him to ring up and close them permanantly. He did it and I was really proud of him, he's trying hard and succeeding, he's in a good place mentally and I hope he stays that way.
Hi gambler999
Congratulations on the 6 days, keep it up.
Think we may be in similar positions. Not ended up with huge debts yet but looking at other diaries on here, so easy to end up on the slippery slope and the next thing you realise you are £50k in debt. Our families deserve so much more.
You currently seem to be keeping very positive and I will try and use that as an example for myself.
Keep it up. I am about a day ahead of you and sorry but you are not getting past!
Muststop123
Muststop123 wrote:
Hi gambler999
Congratulations on the 6 days, keep it up.
Think we may be in similar positions. Not ended up with huge debts yet but looking at other diaries on here, so easy to end up on the slippery slope and the next thing you realise you are £50k in debt. Our families deserve so much more.
You currently seem to be keeping very positive and I will try and use that as an example for myself.
Keep it up. I am about a day ahead of you and sorry but you are not getting past!
Muststop123
Ahh that's great to hear Muststop123 - very similar situation, thankfully no debt but if I wasn't to stop now who knows where it could have ended? I'm happy I've realised this before things get out of control. Great to hear you're a day ahead, lets keep it that way eh? 🙂 Don't give up and lets keep each other motivated!
Day 7 - My first week GF and it feels good 🙂
I have began to levitate towards hating online gambling and the horrible places it took me. I will never gamble again.
Looking forward to a weekend ahead with the family again. Next target 2 weeks GF!
To everyone that might read this keep up the fight and be strong, we can all do it.
Day 8 - Almost done and not a single thought or temptation to gamble. I find coming on here daily and reading the forums a big help. Thank you.
Hi G
Well done on 8 days, your positive approach and attitude is great to read and I hope it continues for you over the weekend.
Sounds like you are finding a balance here too, reading daily but posting now and then. Strongly encourage you to try the chat room too sometime soon, plenty of experience in there.
Stay safe and GF.
Thanks Ste_ven I'll be sure to call by the chat rooms one night 🙂
Day 10 - Double figures! Small milestone. Feeling good, still motivated. Had a great weekend with my family with no thoughts of gambling. Hope everyone else is succeeding!
Day 12 - Still motivated to beat this addiction. No temptation to gamble.
Day 13 - No wobbles, still regularly checking the forum to keep me on track.
Day 15 - Happy to have made it two weeks. My attitutde towards gambling has totally changed, I now despise the thought of gambling. It's been so nice having some money in the account rather than gamble the majoirty away and the living off pennies for the remainder of the month.
I now have a week off with the family to enjoy, can't wait and there will be no gambling.
I hope everyeone else is fighting hard against this awful disease / addiction! Be strong.
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