I have read many of the diary entries and think it will help me group my thoughts and hopefully give me a chance to reflect.
Day 1
I have reached the end of the road with gambling and need to stop now, if I can then I might be one of the lucky people that gets out before I do too much damage.
I won almost 4000 last year on a football accumulator and that's really where it all started, I always had a coupon on and pretty much always lost. It wasn't about the money just gave me a bit more of interest in the beautiful game.
Since the win I have been addicted looking for the same rush, I've had wins along the way but worked my way through the 4k in less than 9 months. Unlike before I would put on bets of 3/4/500 without thinking about it. Random games of football in Kazakhstan or unranked tennis matches. If I won straight over to roulette to try and double it
I told myself keep 3k and you are ahead, then it was 2k then 1k and now it's gone plus about another 1k of my savings.
Nobody knows except me and my bank if they ever bother to check.
I'm going to try and go it alone and attend a GA meeting when I'm at work.
Day 1 - Down £188 it stops here.
Day 2
So far so good, normally my weak time is about lunchtime then it consumes me for the rest of the day.
I lay awake until 4am wondering why I have let this get so far, it has never kept me awake at night, it wasn't really a guilt or remorse, I was just going through it all in my head. I'm finding commenting on here helps me reinforce my own thoughts, I might be trying to help someone but it's really helping me.
Football tonight and I'm already thinking about long shot odds but I will resist and get through it.
Day 2 - No bets
Day 3
Today has been a hard day, not for the want of gambling as it hasn't really entered my head to place any bets. I started getting thoughts that I don't really have a gambling problem and if I was just a bit more careful I would be okay.
I know that's not the reality and reading the messages on here helped me remember that I have had these thoughts before and it always ends up the same way.
One of the messages talked about a little creature in your head feeding off your gambling habit and you need to starve it of energy. That's exactly how I feel, I am normally such a rational person but something in my head manages to distort everything and make gambling seem logical.
I plan to carry on with my diary just to write my thoughts down, hopefully I will see a day that I don't think about gambling or having daft thoughts.
Day 3 - No bets
Well done
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Day 8
Long weekend full of birthday celebrations, lots of family time and car breakdowns but more importantly no gambling...it was a little difficult going out to watch the football and being surrounded by people with bets on but I resisted. When asked about not betting I was honest without going into detail, just explained I won't stop if I start and left it at that.
I may also have a bit of a drink problem but it's more going too far than relying on drink to function but something I need to address.
It was good not having the inevitable downer of losing bets which became very common a few weeks ago. I seemed in a permanent bad mood at tines which I know people noticed.
Days 4,5,6,7,8 No bets
Hi, well done so far? Have you made that GA meeting or any other support yet? Tri x
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