Will she understand and forgive

No she probably wont undersand unless she had previous expericence of it. Heck...I am an addict and I cant understand it myself sometimes!. Be honest and open with her and she will try to understand.She is going to know something is up because she will see the changes in your behaviour and attitude...so best to be honest before she jumps to conclusions and think you are having an affair! Apparently alot of people think that because of the secrecy of it all.Good Luck...speak to her.

I'm am going to tell her everything when I'm ready. It's her birthday next month so I want to wait to after that. Do you think she will finish with me???

I have been gambling free for 6 days and it is hard but I want to make a better life for both of us.

Hi Tommyb.

There is a point where it must be faced because continuing to live a lie will drag you down even further. A non gambler generally wont Understand until they have learnt more about gambling addiction. Its not their fault that they wont inderstand as the problem is with us as compulsive gamblers. You cant blame them or pass the blame...you will have to face this and bear the responsibility

You need to be open and honest while reaching out for a born again moment. You can seek some renewed pride and forgiveness while doing the right thing.

The tragic fact is that we were gambling with our housing money and we were laying our relationships down on red even. Thats what we were doing because the controlling part of your mind needed a fix. I dont know how I kept a roof over my head...a combination of an understanding landlord who wasnt so strict on when it was due and loving parents helped me through. To my shame I used my parents for a while before I was ready to stop so you must be fully ready to block and have no access to cash other than basic living expenses on an allowance

So it wasnt just the money it was everything on the line. You have to be ready to stop and you have to break the news with what you are going to do about it. I would say that you need to hand all your money over and talk openly about it.

You will just begin to realise what is important that the addiction cared little about. We all had a fair bit to learn about the addiction.

Your girlfriend must be made fully aware that there is no room for complacency and she actually has to protect herself through this as your mind heals. This may be within you for life but it can be controlled and beaten with the right help and measures

You can do this and there is a good life in recovery. I think you know that you cant go on as you are.

Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of control and serenity

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you for all your words

o*g I'm so so disappointed in myself. I have had a relapse. I was totally gambling free for 11 days straight and yesterday I couldn't control it and I broke. Please help me. I need to stop this now. Has anyone any ideas on stopping the urge to gamble?? Is the urge to gamble a normal thing??

Hi tommyb

It cant really be done with willpower alone especially in the early stages. If you have left a door open to gamble you have not failed as you have not really started proper recovery measures. You are just learning that its easy to gamble if not taking full protective measures. You are just at the very start of a learning process about a mind seeking chemicals at the expense of all else

You do need help from people close and proper blocks. Thats full exclusions, backed up exclusions and no access to any serious cash. It means general receipts and a pride that you are being monitored. If you cant handle that it really will be a problem for you to stop. I knew I could take no more of the gambling misery so I was ready. Are you because its a moment when it just seems right that you dont want gambling in your life

Yes the urges are normal for an addicted gambler but they do fade away when your mind heals. This is about a period of cold turkey when you may think about gambling but you wont be able to go and do it. You balance that with learning and counselling.

So what if I dont gamble...it only caused me misery...I was addicted I was hopeless and its just not for me. There are no easy odds that will change your life and you certainly have to abstain from your trigger gambling. I dont miss it because I know what it did to me. I dont have money to lose and my money gets spent on things which add value to my life

Again Im serious that you need to be living on an allowance with close support. You must now realise that gambling hurts you time and time again so you have to work on discussing that and learning how this addiction controls us.

Ive seen hundreds of stories and you need to dig deep and face this on a fundamental level. Its not about being treated like a baby. You wouldnt leave a heroin addict with a monthy wage and the freedom to go off and source it. You have access to cash and the available methods to gamble. You havent started the test yet but I would argue that its no big test when you are glad to be getting help

You will learn that gambling is in the same chapter as substance abuse. Its an addiction so complex and deep rooted. Believe me its no income scheme and its not a get it back later scheme as the addicted mind sees it.

I talk about a born again moment. Im saying that many new forum members are confused and therefore semi casual about it. They see control in other areas of their life and see themselves aa a proud adult..a gambling addiction thinks nothing of that or your relationships and your finances. It takes many more things than just money...it takes your mental health, your pride, your self respect, your marriage your home, your friends and when life becomes impossible to bear it takes lives! Scary yes?..so why dont we think of that when feeding a slot machine or betting at a casino.

I will throw in some more food for thought. A gambling addiction is a mental illness and it needs treating. If we cant trust ourselves its one of the most dangerous addictions.

There is no shame in admitting a problem reaching out for help. I advise you to tell your partner and even have a chat with the doctor. Are you scared about that? Talk about it and take it from there

Best wishes to you

Fantastic post and advice from Joy Divider . I concur with everything said . How many more times will it take to stop ? When will you say enough is enough ? Everyone has their own tipping point and I hope you have finally reached yours . Now there is a massive positive that you probably didn’t realise . You can no longer gamble normally , but it is now with remorse and conscience . The fact that you are back here and assessing things proves that you have made significant progress . In the past you wouldn’t have given it any thought , woke up the next day and carried on damaging yourself and your life . So yes , whilst you haven’t completely nailed this yet , you are certainly on the right path. As Joydivider says you need to have robust blocks in place and it has to be an all or nothing siege mentality. Either you are committed to stopping and implement or the advice , or back on the merry go round dipping your toe in the stopping category but knowing that you can easily gamble when your addiction kicks in. You can’t have the best of both worlds . You can’t kid yourself that a small amount of gambling will be fine . That’s your addiction clinging onto your shirt tails . You can do it , you have already made progress as I stated before .

Thanks so much this is very helpful

Hi I'm back gambling again and I have to tell my girlfriend everything as it's killing me. I can't control this and I know I'm getting into more trouble. Why do I keep doing this when I know it's wrong. Please tell me I'm not the only person like this. I'm afraid people will judge me and think I'm a bad person. I just want all this to be over. I want to stop telling lies. What if my girlfriend won't understand how hard this is???

Tommyb
I've read through your thread and I can see You're wanting to change and wanting to stop. But the fear of facing reality is what is stopping you from breaking the cycle. You gamble because it's a risk and you enjoy the thrill like many of us here you are searching for that high and that possible big win. It won't come. Sorry to be blunt but it won't.
There comes a point where you just have to say enough is enough. It's hard to face when you're in financial difficulties i know.. im going through it now but you have to draw a line somewhere. Make it today. You need to download and register with GAMSTOP it's an exclusion site and it will block you from accessing or signing up to new sites. If you want to do this you need to sign up to GAMSTOP and get some serious blocking software set up.

In regards to your girlfriend if you can't be honest with her who can you be honest with? I was terrified of telling my husband but I had to. You need to tell her because you need support or you won't be able to get through this managing an addiction alone is nearly impossible. You're girlfriend maybe angry and annoyed but make her listen to you. Show her the gamcare site and show her how much you want to stop. There's a family and friends support section which will give her the means to understanding better the struggles we go through with this addiction. It's scary facing the truth but you need to draw a line somewhere and get the help you clearly want and need. You seem a little lost with how to *** this addiction all I can offer as advice is it will get better if you put the blocks in place. But it can only get better if you talk and be honest. I can't answer your question as I don't know how your girlfriend will respond but I hope you find the strength to talk to her and try to get her to understand
Sorry I can't answer your question or stop your fears but just know you have the strength to do this

Thanks for your help and advice. I really hope you are right. Yes I do want to stop as it's ruining my life but I can't understand why I keep doing this. I feel so lonely and lost. I feel like people are going to think I'm so sort of a freak who is selfish but I'm not a selfish person. I can't get out of this hole I have put myself in and it's my own fault and I really hate myself for it and I hate myself even more for lieing to my girlfriend because I really do love her and I'm so afraid of losing her when I tell her. Every night I think about this and it's really getting me down.

yrI think you need to tell her as soon as possible. I found out 3 days ago that my boyfriend is a heavy gambler and nearly £200000 in debt, £120000 of which to bad people, who keep raising his loans, charge heavy interest and entice him to play cards every time he makes a repayment. He goes to repay £5000, loses £7000 and his debt goes up. When I met him, it was love at first sight, but he has shut me out completely and is refusing any help. So we split up yesterday. I’m not sure what happened but we were supposed to spend this weekend together, but somehow he is now organising a card party at his home for the people he owes money to. I’m worried sick. I love him and would do anyhting to support him, but he has shut me out completely. I can’t get him to even visit this forum. When I first found out, my first feeling was relief that he didn’t have someone else, and thinking, we can sort this out, I will help him. Unfortunately, he won’t let me. Please do tell your girlfriend. The fact you are on this forum means you’re doing something to fix yourself. I woukd give anything for him to be where you are.

Hi Tommyb,

Unfortunately most of the people on this site will have gone though what you are going through right now, so believe me you are not alone with this.

You have had some great advice from joydivider and others on here but now to for you step up. Wanting to stop and stopping are two completely different things.

It is time to start being honest with the people around you and to start putting things in place to make gambling more difficult, You need to give yourself a chance, call Gamecare and speak to someone, get some counselling or go to GA. All of these things will help you.

If/when you tell you partner then its important that she educates herself on this addiction and what lengths a gambler will go to to have that next bet.

You say you cant understand why you keep doing this....the reason is that you are a gambling addict. It really isn’t about the winning. It is about the highs you get when you are watching the roulette wheel going round, the slots going round and round or the cards being turned over at black jack. That feeling inside you praying you get a winner.

Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength. Strength that you want to face this problem head on and that you want to beat it before it beats you.

Good luck

Damo