Will she understand and forgive

Tommyb

You are where I was when joining the forum. It took me 10 months to really do something proper about it. If you cant speak to your girlfriend who can you speak to? I presume you have some sort of caring relationship and to be quite frank if you love her you need to protect her from this. Look at it that you are saving her from the lies and take it from there

Although I care about you, your partner is being taken on this ride because the bad news can only get worse.

The other problem is we create a "comfort" zone even though we know we are despearately in trouble. A safer zone than telling people which is the addiction talking because its not safe being addicted and in debt. That gamblers comfort zone was finally broken for me when I couldnt get out of bed for a week one christmas and I was so low that the tears were welling up every minute I was awake. I prayed for sleep and I prayed not to wake up if Im honest

I rose out of bed one day and went to the photo booth. With the best £5 I have ever spent I got my photos and filled out the self exclusion forms while making sure I wasnt welcome in those places.

I then picked up the phone to my parents which in some ways is harder than a partner that lives with you. My parents are careful with money and I had been using them time and time again. I told them the truth about my gambling and that started a shut down of all the devious ways I was getting money. They started to understand and the help was invaluable beacuse it was a way I could build up some pride again through monitoring and doing the right thing.

It stopped the dangers of extinction by ensuring that significant amounts of cash were not passing through my hands as I was on an allowance

How low does it have to go because gambling has all these new lows lined up for you if you continue.

The advice here is tried and tested. The alternative is secrets and things getting worse when everybody will find out in the end anyway. people are not daft and its only a matter of time before the stress and lack of money will catch you out anyway.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi thanks so much... I have got 3 letter written for her but we have a massive wedding coming up on 1st July and I don't want her to finish with me and I don't want to lose her. I am going to tell her everything a few days after that. I really hope she will support me as ever single day I'm getting more and more depressed. I have really cut my gambling down a lot but I just wish I could tell her everything but I'm so afraid she won't understand. This has just got a tight grip on my life and I want to stop now before I can't go on. I really don't want to hurt her because she is everything to me and I love her so much

Hi,

I’m married to a gambler who didn’t tell and the children and I eventually found out the hard way. Wha hurt most was the lies, betrayal and being taken for a mug.

We have stayed together but it’s not been and still isn’t easy. We both go to regular meetings twice a week in order to look at ourselves and change the sick pattern of relating.

Secrecy facilitates gambling but the cornerstone of recovery is becoming honest. Stopping is the first stage of a long journey, it takes help and support available at GA and it’s about becoming the sort of person who doesn’t need to use.

In the meantime, are you really the sort of person who would go through with the wedding without telling her something crucial about yourself that is going to affect her life as well?

CW

Morning,

My gambling life unravelled after my wife asked the question "why have we no money". I broke down, confessed all, considered suicide but most importantly became honest from that moment on.

Delaying the inevitable maybe a good idea in your own mind but your partner may have an inkling something is not right, plus who are you actually kidding here.

What would happen if your friend blurted out your addiction one day!!!.

I wish i had the balls to confess at the time instead of being cornered and admitting all. My wife stayed with me but laid down several conditions with the main one being giving up all access to cash, cards and anything financial.

Tommy i have read through your diary. You relapsed and have also mentioned i tell her then its a birthday reason and now a wedding reason. Sorry mate but IMO you are making a serious error in delaying.

Best wishes

Having been "protected" from knowing the truth long enough for Mr L to escalate the damage to an unbelievable level I can guarantee you you are better off telling her sooner rather than later. Yes, there are going to be bruising conversations and no-one can guarantee she'll stay but not telling her leaves her living as much of a lie as you are and that's the thing that comes up over and over on the f&f side. Telling her gives her the chance to make her own informed choice and means it's very much harder for you to gamble in secret should she choose to offer her support.

I just don't want to hurt her. Believe me if I could turn back time now I do anything. I'm a mess and if I lose her I really don't know what I would do. She is everything to me.

Sorry Tommy but time for some tough love.

Dont want to hurt her - damage already done.

Turn back time - every addict on here could do with that.

Everything to me - is she or is it the gamble instead.

How about identifying some practical things. Counselling. GA.
Things that might help your recovery.

Things that when you tell her you are an addict you can show you are trying to deal with your addiction.

What would happen if she finds out about your addiction?

Only you can answer that but you must begin to take steps in your recovery.

Best wishes

She’s supposed to be an equal life partner, not your crutch, your mother or your enabler. Everything’s perfect if only it weren’t for the gambling? But the gambling is there, the addiction is there and your life together at the moment is not perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist.

We’re only as sick as our secrets. Get help and encourage her to do the same. Before the wedding.

CW

It's not our wedding... It's our best friends and in a pervious commet it is her birthday. The wedding is 30th June and her birthday is the next day. Thats why I don't want to tell her yet because she is stressed enough but I promise myself and I promise you all I will tell her everything in the 1st week of July. I just want to get better as I can't go on like this are my heads going to go. Everyday I feel like I'm going to explode

Morning,

Your recovery from addiction is personal and i will leave it to you to decide the best path.

Have a look at a diary for me titled 25 years off, one day at a time.

The first entry on this diary explains all.

I wish you well

Thanks please pray for me and please pray my girlfriend will understand how hard this is and I will never forgive myself for it

Right I really need to stop this. The lies I'm telling her are killing me. I just wish I had a time machine. If I could just turn back time and thinked before I acted.

Why do I feel the need to gamble to try win money to get out of this hole and I dig myself deeper it. Is it normal to think I'm always going to win but I never do??? Is it just me who gets this feeling??

Honesty is the way forward

Excuses are the way backwards

I know and trust me I want to be honest but I'm just so afraid I'm going to lose her. I don't know who I am anymore