Winning...at last

Bit fed up in my job at the moment seem to have picked up too many hours and feel it's time over the coming weeks to put my experience and results of my degree to good use and settle into something that both pays well, is rewarding and offers a set work pattern!

Personally speaking though this is the most content I have been in a long time a new job would just be the icing on the cake. Things have fallen into place really well in my personal life since I stopped gambling and I am chuffed if not a little emotional!

117 days gamble free

There is something strangely reassuring now we are getting real feelings back lol,

You are doing great

Suzanne xxx

Well after my longest spell of abstinence I've really messed up today! I feel in bits I've lost about £350 and I go on holiday in two weeks time, this behaviour has really messed things up not sure if I will be able to afford my holiday now 🙁

I broke my trusted transferring of wages to my parents now im not living at home and have ultimately paid the price had a lot of urges and thought I could just have a few spins on the roulette even though I probably knew deep down this would not be the case.

I don't know whether to tell my parents or not or what to do and feel so low. Things were going so well as well 🙁

Hi stone,

Sorry to read this, but you must break that triangle now my friend, don't chase the money, you will not win.

Hard I know to say but you must get straight back up and carry on, think recovery, you slipped, but you have not given up.

Stay strong, and don't be too hard on yourself.

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xxx

Thankyou Suzanne 🙂

I feel really low tonight and will post more once the shock of my behaviour passes!

Hey stone roses

You know what to do now..- be kind to yourself and work your way out of this fog. It will lift and things will get better..addiction is sneaky, it never stops looking for our weaknesses...but we can fight thise thoughts off and you are no different.

Believe in yourself..stand bk up and show addiction what you're made off!

S x

Well today is a new day and life must go on I guess. Still incredibly low after the mistake of yesterday I dont know yet how I am going to afford to get through the month and go on holiday it couldnt have struck at a worse time.

I guess the triggers were having money available, being off work and a bookies neae to where I now live. So I will be self excluding and getting my wages paid into my parents account so that they can just give me money as and when I need it. I was also quite bored, tired from work and as I walked to the bookies even though I knew I was making the wrong decision I could feel the excitement and adrenaline and foolishly convinced myself I would win or if i lost I would limit myself. The truth is that will never be the case I cannot stop once I start. It is also a life problem as seeking adrenaline and a buzz through harming myself is not the correct solution to things.

The way I feel now I cant say I will never gamble again as yesterday proved but I will remember this pain to drive me forward and get back up on my feet. I hope in time this is a very important and valuable lesson. At least I know now after some period of abstinence the end result if I choose to gamble is always disaster.

Although I guess deep down I knew this would probably be the outcome and wish I didnt have to deal with this I have no other choice than to embrace the recovery journey that until now had served me so well.

The positives have been unbelievable and yesterday came at a time where really life has been good since I stopped and I wish I had remembered that.

Its pretty raw right now but I will let go and try move forward again and try my best to live a gamble free life for I truly dont wish to feel like this again.

Sandra and Suzanne thanks for your kind words its tough at times fighting this battle on the whole alone.

Sending you a big hug stone.

(((((((Stone))))))))))

Suzanne xxx

🙂 its been a tough day full of anxiety, stress and worry but its almost over with and its been gamble free. I forgot how hard it hits when you gamble and I never want to feel like this again. Its going to be a difficult month but I will get through it and even though it doesnt feel like it now im sure the pain will lift in due course.

Hopefully I can let go so I can move forward. I guess its kind if good I really beat myself up about it as it shows I care and that I know I dont want this to be a part of my life anymore.

More than anything I want to do this for myself and for my parents to see I dont gamble so they can truly be proud of me and not have to worry.

The gambling episode last week and also a small and short gamble on saturday has really knocked the stuffing out of me really hard to readjust my mind to that of a non gambler and feeling very run down, anxious and stressed. Even though I despise gambling I feel vulnerable and scared of going back to it. Determined to get back on track and today is the end of day three.

Hate feeling like this but will battle through. Hopefully speak to my counsellor for some advice tomorrow.

Hi Stone,

4 days today, you are back on track, recovery is an ongoing

process, these feelings feelings will subside again, just push through these days,

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Been having some difficulties overcoming this addiction recently. Its hit me for six. I need to somehow get my act together and overcome this once and for all as it is very painful.

Made it through day one its been tough but its a start again. I need to put my all into recovery again.

You can do this stone, 100% now to recovery and break that triangle for once and all.

Well done you for not giving up on giving up, day 2 today is more positive than you think:)))

Suzanne xxx

Hi Stone just read your diary there. Sorry to see your having a hard time but least you have come back now. You know this can be done as you lasted over 100 days last time. Like previous people have said you have to keep the triangle broken especially if your having a hard time with work etc.

Good luck mate