Hi everyone,Â
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New to here, just wanted to see if anyone has had the same situation I am currently in and how it went. I am with my partner nearly 4 years, last year we set up a joint savings account, during COVID I had started online gambling (slots) which has been a bane of my life ever since. During 2025 it had gotten much worse and as I was the only one with access to our account I started dipping into the savings, transferring into my current account multiple of times each day for months on end. When I would win a decent amount I would transfer back to savings and so on. Few weeks back my partner wanted to see transaction history and get a statement of the account. I had to come clean with my gambling. It was very very difficult as I was very ashamed, embarrassed and most of all exposed as a deceitful partner. She still wants to see all the transactions. I am so embarrassed so give her a full year statement. I know I will have to as she mentions to me transparency is part of recovery. I am afraid of judgement when she sees them. Please any advice.
Thanks
Mike
I got given three very good bits of advice when I came clean. I dont like telling anyone what to do and everyone's situation is different.
I emptied the dustbin. Everything and I mean everything. If anything else comes out down the road it will bite your partner 10 times as hard.
Whoever you are telling be honest. Tell them about the addiction but don't ask for support, only they can decide that. If they are who you think they are then they will be there for you. It might take timeÂ
Bite your lip. Remember, you are in the wrong, just like I was, so don't get into an argument. Don't tell them they need help from gambling harm, just stay calm
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Same situation here, she found out by finding a letter i left in the wardrobe. She was distraught that i'd lied about it for the best part of 18 months. It was the lying that hit her the harder, i tried to soften the blow of how extreme the gambling was but lies do not help that's for certain!! I came clean about everything and we had a big discussion about it and i'm now working away for next few months.Â
Fast forward three weeks later i relapsed as of a week ago, she asked to see my bank statements and i had to come clean again as i couldn't show them to her. I stupidly said it was only the last couple days of gambling when in fact it was 6 days worth!Â
One bit of advice from me, as i'm fairly sure this will be the end of the road for our relationship is don't lie at all even if you think it's the right thing to do it will make it 10x worse!
She's more distraught about my lies than the act of gambling. In my silly brain it seemed the right thing to do to make it sound not as bad but believe me, no matter what it isn't, don't make my mistake!Â
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And completely empty the dustbin. Anything that comes out later down the line will be far worse.
I told my partner absolutely everything, regardless of the consequences. Since day one of recovery I've not told anyone a single lieÂ
@whtkf9oabz hey, sorry to hear about your latest setback, yes I am working towards telling her about it all, the shame and embarrassment of it all is hard to take. I hope you can work things with your partner and with yourself and get back on track.
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