Do compulsive Gambliers have any form of responsibility into their recovery

Hi Tazman,

Haven't posted on here for ages, but your soul searching post inspired me. Personally I do take responsibility for my gambling addiction that began in 1970. Bookmakers back then were shady huts, usually attached to the side of a working mans club or down some blind alley. I would drink ( under age ) in the same club as my father visited twice a week. Yes they had a bookies next door.

The first time I entered I was shocked, stench of stale smoke, expert advice from habitual loosers on what to back or not no back. Men would even spit on the floor. How depressing yet you know what ?. I felt right at home & loved every minute I spent in those sh-t holes. The only good thing I can find to say about them in hindsight is when your pockets were empty you went home & faced the consequences. They were closed on Sundays back then & 24 hour markets were unheard of.

Years later we had mobile phones then internet betting, fantastic the blindness it created. You couldn't see your wallet emptying in an old cash only bookmakers shop, as the marketting tecniques got better & better telling us how easy it would be to get rich quick without having to graft for it. The bookies were getting richer as CGs became poorer.

I'm 68 years old, my gambling started at 15 ( the school leaving age in those days ). When I started gambling no-one dragged me in the bookies kicking & screaming. It was my decision & mine only & so I take full responsibility. My last bet was 9th August 2018. Do I still want to gamble ?. Yes often, but I've long since handed over finacial resposibility to my wife. When I say I haven't gambled I mean I haven't gambled. Never kidded myself it's a slight blip or play money I've purchased & refused to re-set my GF clock. In my book if a person tries to defeat an individual or an orginisation & money is involved it's gambling.   

My 5 year Gamstop exclusion is almost up but I will renew it anyway.   If I gambled again it would destroy me knowing the hurt it caused my loved ones. For me personally looking in the mirror & realizing that in the last 5 years I've learned nothing would be the final nail in the coffin of recovery. Whatever & wherever my addiction has taken me I do accept responsiblity & feel the shame so therefore have 2 alternavises, beat myself up about the past or strive everyday to be better.

Best Wishes In Recovery

AL

@tazman

For many years I blamed many institutions: Banks, Payday Loan Companies, Credit Card Co, Casinos. Etc.. After losing money with each of those institutions due to my addiction I held them responsible for my problems and would always go down the route of complaining to them for allowing me to gamble and waste money. On a few rear occasions I was able to claim some money back from them, however I'd quickly plough it back into gambling. It got to a point where I couldn't get anymore credit and my repayments were much higher than my income. I remember being on the phone to my credit card company trying to extend my credit limit to from 18k to 20k, when they declined my request it was at that point I realised these institutions weren't to blame, it was totally down to me to take responsibility.

@oranje01 in my situation looking back at my early days i was bailed out on a couple of occassions and was even handed money to pay for my bills which i gambled and lost , my family had no idea about this addiction it my idea to hand my finances to my family i still take responsibility has i should have tried to do it sooner however my early few years when it became a full blown addiction i just couldnt resist even when i had no money i would still be wirh couple of other ppl in bookies which made it worse as we would give each other money and their has been times where ive had no money at the end of night i have had a months salary which with few days went back and cycle would repeat itself this worked against me as i got more and more addicted however within the last decade my situation has improved as i have had on and off relapses where i have gambled for short period of time and then stopped completely its only occured to from my last relapse i should have never have attempted the relapses went just like it was planned as i may not have learnt my intention was to make x amount and just quit forever, which did happen however i just couldnt quit and i became in debt in over 10 years, this last relapses reminded me of a time in my early days

Hi

Being in the recovery program I would understand that no one could stop me gambling or stop me lying.

For me people in the recovery program would help me help my slf.

For me the addictions only indicated to me that I was being self destructive to my self and to the people I wa suppose to love.

I use to think that gambling was the most exciting thing in my life..

When in action I was cuasing my self more pains and more fears.

I lied because I feared being honest.

I like many people did not stop gfambling from day one.

The more time and effort I put in to my recovery the healthier I got.

Sharing and talkin things helped me make much healthier choices.

The simple truth I could not trust my self with money.

I have been in recovery since 1969.

If it did not work would I still be going after over 54 years. 

All the best

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi 

Every time we go back to gambling we get to learn and understand what our last emotional trigger was.

My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears that I could not reduce, my frsutrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of peole life and situations, loneliess due to me isolating my self and fearing emotional intimacy, and boredom because I had not written down and committed my self to fulfilling my needs to fulfilling my wants and fulfilling my goals.

The question is how much time and effort am I willing in to invest in to my becoming a much healthier person.

The gambling estblishments never hurt me. I hurt my self.

The gambling estblishments never lied to me. I lied to my self time and time again.

I am a non religious person, I am how ever a much healthier spirtual person.

Was I being healthy lying all the time to my self and  other people.

What is my worth today.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

Being in the recovery would help me understand how unhealthy I was.

Being in the recovery would help me get honest with my self.

The addictions and  obsessions were just a form of escape and fear based issues.

By being consumed by the addictions and obsessions I was living on the edge of panic and anxiety most of the time.

WIth all that pain and fear I lived in fear of being honest adn open.

Addictions were painful

Recovery was about healing my pains and the pains of my hurt inner child.

The recovery program would help me understand how healthy I could be if I set my mind to it.

The recovery program was abaout my commitment to my self.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

No one to blame but me. It was hard to blame myself at first because I never realised I had an addiction, pretended it didn't exist and hoped it would just go away. 

Truth is I regret everyday since the very start. I wish I wasn't this way...I wish it would go away. So far the demons have settled and the urge to play has fizzled away. But I know I can't let my guard down and be the person I became. 

I wish I'd never found gambling - I couldn't blame anyone else, everyone around me told me to stop but I was just to engrossed in it that I just carried on. 

Hi

Being emotionally vulnerable is not about blame.

Recovery the word which is about healing, and for me that was healing the hurt inner child in me.

You can call it by any name you like.

All the pains in my past caused fears in me that I did not understand.

Being a healthy spirtual person is and was about my healthy ineractions with my self and with all other people.

The addictions and obsessions were not about money.

The addictions and obsessions were reacting in unhealthy ways and wanting to escape people life situations and my self.

Once I was well invested in to a healthy recovery program I would learn to be honest to my self.

I would give therapies that would expose my thinking and my feelings at different times of my recovery.

Sadly I would do or say things that I would regret that were unhealthy.

Sadly I would not be there when people wanted or needed me.

I would also not do things which I knew I needed to do

Do I ignore my pains, or do I say I want to heal the hurt inner child in me.

It was important to learn and understand what my emotional triggers were.

My emotional triggers were my pains that I could not heal.

My emotional triggers were my fears that I could not reduce or face.

My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

My emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom because I was not able to be productive with my time.

Recovery was not about blame but about understanding where we came from.

Admitting to my self that I was emotionally vulnerable could I do some thing about each one fo my triggers.

Understanding that I was emotionally vulnerable was not a weakness but a sign of my strength.

Understanding that I was asking for help was not a weakness but a sign of my strength.

Understanding that questioning every thing was not trust issues but more about understanding more about my self.

By mixing with healthy like minded people I was going to see healthy spirtual values deomonstrated to me.

By mixing with healthy fearless minded people I would learn what it is like to live a fearless life.

Being in a healthy recovery program is not about blame but about finding a much healthier life in our self.

There was a lack of emotional growth in my life due to pains and trauma.

So my emtional age and my physical age did not match up.

Since my healing and being in the recovery program my age are closer together.

For me gambling was an escape from could not cope with life and people.

Only once we abstain from all unhealthy habits can the healing really kick in and start.

There is no benefit from being hard on our selves.

How can we ehal our pains if we are still hurting our self.

Our healthy truth and our healthy honesty sets us free. 

I am a non religious person.

Yet I am a much healthier spirtual person today.

So if I can find a healthy recovery any one can.

So understanding that blame has nothing to do about healing our pains.

It is important to understand how ever healthy I was living in guilt shameregret is livign in the pains of my past.

The recovery is about healing all of those past unhealthy pains, not living in them today.

How much time effort and energy am I willing to invest in to my recovery and my healing today.

Am I willing to put in the same amount of time and anergy I put in to my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits?

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham