Advice from the other side

Hi Girl J

I am the mom of a compulsive gambler ... a son 27 years old. I can only speak from my experience. I do not nor ever did love my son any less. I was angry, disappointed,frustrated and worried for him.

It's quite possible that your mom knows there is something wrong already... just not what. As good as compulsive gamblers are at thinking nobody knows, those closest to them sense something is off.

Do I wish my son was not a compulsive gambler - absolutely! Do I wish he had never told me - Never! Being a parent comes with lots of great things and lots of heartache. That's just life.

The best way to ease the blow and worry for your mom is to tell her what things (tangible) that you are doing to help yourself. Action not talk is much appreciated by those on this side of the forum.

Take Care

Cathyx

Trust me..your mum will not love you less love. ..
She's probabally aware something's wrong. ...
And chances are...you won't cope fighting this addiction alone...
Us mums are tough cookies..I've been through some very traumatic things with my girls. ...do I love them less ? never..
I helped them the best I could...and supported them the best I could..but....just in case you can't confide in mum...start a diary here...ring the helpline...talk to us on here....well support you ..take care x

Thank you Cathy and loxxie. I needed to hear those words. I am absolutely petrified I've never been so scared to do something as much as this before. She definitely knows something is up she has bailed me out plenty of times but thinks I am just wreck less with spending and online shopping.

What I think I'll do is start a diary get all the blocks in that I can alone and when it comes down if I have the guts to tell her then I can show her the actions I've taken alone to show I'm serious about stopping maybe she will appreciate the willing to stop she can see then? Baby steps for me towards this it is ultimately my end goal (apart from quitting gambling for good of course) and it is something I am working towards building courage for. Thank you ladies I needed to hear from the other side of the situation, it was stupid to even think she would love me less she's an amazing mother who's always been there for me xxx

Hello GirlJ

Welcome to the forum there is some great advice from forum members here and wanted to let you know we are here to support you. There are advisers on our helpline and net line that will listen to your concerns. They can give you information on where you can get further support such as counselling free across the Uk. It may help to talk through what you could say to your mum with an adviser.

The helpline and net line are open 8am -midnight everyday. The freephone number is 0808 8020 133 and you can also contact us through the netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline

Keep posting we are here to support you.

Take care

Forum admin

I think the worst part of gambling is the lies...I think I speak for many of us when I say that if we had found out sooner it would have saved us better financially and in terms of salvaging our relationships. Gambling always seems to come to a head when things get really bad and the truth has no option to come out and then we're doubly hurt because of the deceit, the lies and the hurt because you felt you couldn't tell us.
Therefore I think it's so important that you tell you mum and she'll respect you for admitting that you have a problem and asking for help.
Incredibly clichГ© I know, but a problem shared really is a problem solved, especially when it comes to people who really care about you.

Becky_25 wrote: I think the worst part of gambling is the lies...I think I speak for many of us when I say that if we had found out sooner it would have saved us better financially and in terms of salvaging our relationships. Gambling always seems to come to a head when things get really bad and the truth has no option to come out and then we're doubly hurt because of the deceit, the lies and the hurt because you felt you couldn't tell us. Therefore I think it's so important that you tell you mum and she'll respect you for admitting that you have a problem and asking for help. Incredibly clichГ© I know, but a problem shared really is a problem solved, especially when it comes to people who really care about you.

Very wise words, as a CG myself I know the lies and deceit are one of the biggest things that have hurt my wife, also from a CG point of view we all feel ashamed and embarrassed about our addiction !!

Darren

Thanks Becky. It's so scary I just don't want her to feel let down or obliged to pay of my debts incurred as she would offer that. I know that one way or another I will tell her. I haven't found the right way yet. I'm hoping to get through these first couple of weeks gamble free so that maybe when I tell her I can show her statements and that to show I have been serious about the change and that she can trust that I'm takin actions to stop rather than have this big shock and feel totally responsible for my every move cos I'm not capable. Hope that makes sense. I'm 12 days gf and continuing each day to seek new blocks and methods to keep gambling at bay. Sometimes I honestly wish for a drug or alcohol addiction as this for people who haven't experienced it can seem such a joke. I see so many comments of why are people doing that just don't spend money on it or think people mustn't care to throw so much away all for a couple of spins but it's as real and destructive and equally as bad for health I'd say as drug or alcohol. Anyway what people aren't going through they won't fully understand and that's fine I just hope when I tell her she will realise it has been out of my control and I've not done this to be irresponsible or greedy. Time will tell. Xxx