After 12 years of being in a relationship and 9 of these living together I have had to call it a day.
I can't bear living with the constant worry of money and although my partner started counselling he has left me in a mess financially. He took debt in my name and continues to gamble his full wage and lie about it! We have 2 very young children at home and I'm currently finding it difficult to support us. I have a job and a decent wage but at the moment I'm paying for absolutely everything including the debt of his in my name. I can't do it anymore especially now I'm told I'm trying to be controlling and all I care about is money. I'm trying so hard to stay strong but feel broken hearted for myself and the kids. I would love to think he would get the help he needs but unfortunately I'm not convinced he's ready!
Lou this is awful I'm so sorry. I don't have much useful advice for you because I'm in a really similar position myself. I haven't left yet (im either still in denial or still hopeful i can't decide which) and we only have one toddler but I'm pregnant with our second. I just wanted you to know that you are very strong and brave for walking and although we are sad for what we stand to lose, ie a good husband and father, is that reality? How good could they actually have been to put us through this? What are they actually doing for us that's so wonderful?! They're just tearing everything down that we work so hard to build for us and the kids. I think when things have got as bad as they have for you then it can only get better for you and the kids from now on. You be responsible for them and yourself and don't worry about this huge thing that could destroy you all. No more debt, no more lies and you have taken back control of your life. It's not your addiction and you don't deserve to be affected like this by it. I know the fear of the unknown is awful, you committed to this person and had children with him believing that this was it forever and now that's not the case anymore and it's sad and unfair and it makes us so angry because its not the life we signed up for but it is ALL his doing and you are in no way to blame. Sorry if I've banged on but your story hit a nerve! Wishing you so much luck xxx
Hi Lou
Sorry to see the anxiety and stress you've been put through but the lies deceit and manipulation an active CG subjects us to is no way to live for you or the kids.
How has he taken out debt in your name? If he's forged your signature it's fraudulent and you can't be liable for it. If he's using joint finance it would be a good idea to get your name off as much as you can and make sure you refute liability for any further debt run up on anything you can't ditch. Get advice from CAB and the creditors themselves on how to protect yourself from any further drains he might make on you.
Hi Lou,
some excellent advice from Lethe, it is important to take some practical steps to protect yourself, your finances and your children's security.
Please keep posting, and also feel free to call the Helpline or Netline if you need further advice and support.
Wishing you all the best,
Eva
Forum Admin
Wow sorry to hear your story Lou it just goes to show what gambling can do and how much it can destroy. Yes sometimes a cg can be helped but we have to be realistic with the family or partners and think of their pain and suffering and what they are going through its a game changer Don't know your situation but if you feel you have to walk away for you and your children then I can understand your wellbeing is important for you and your children sadly he may not be able to give you that until he fixes himself even then the damage is done.But like I said I don't know it's tragic for all concerned but good luck with what you decide to do.
Thanks all for responding. I've felt extremely lonely the last few days. I have an extremely supportive family and circle of friends but they haven't lived with a cg so often find it difficult to understand why I haven't walked a long time ago.
We haven't had joint finances for such a long time apart from the mortgage. He used my card to take the debt last year. When I found out I almost left but truly believed he meant it when he said he'd pay me back - which he did for 6months. However the last 4 months I've had nothing towards it all and for 3 months nothing at all towards the house or kids.his full wage gambled. I can't do it anymore.
I think for so long I was in denial and then wanted him so much to sort things out so we could be a happy family. In reality he's not ready and the final straw came when he told me I was only bothered about the money! I just want to ensure I have a roof over the children's heads and a comfortable lifestyle. I don't care about holidays or expensive things.
i just feel like a complete fool and wonder what actually has been the truth in 12 years!
Sorry you've had to deal with an ill person Lou. This progressive addiction can rip the heart and soul out of any relationship. I hope you find peace of mind.
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