Am I being naive?

dont be in any rush for the vigilance to go away, to stop suspecting him would be naive.

like you, i would be wondering if he is actually at the gym and so on, i would be worrying that he doesnt have enough ga meetings etc, but several compulsive gamblers on this site have found that exercise is the main thing that keeps them out of the bookies. I dont think they can just stop being compulsive, but they can channel into into something less harmful, exercise gives them all sorts of hormonal highs that they need to replace the gambling ones.

In gamanon this is something we talk about alot, when do we feel normal again? we all reach a point where we dont worry anymore and thats hard to imagine at the start, but you secure your finances and let go of worrying, easier said than done i know, but as the quote goes “If there is no solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it" also "worrying wont stop the bad things happening, it will just stop you enjoy the good things", my head of full of this stuff, sometimes i even understand it 😀

Hi gem,

i was wondering how you were getting on! It's great that things are going well for you both. I think that if you keep positive it really helps. I think you will always have nagging doubts and will always be paranoid about money. We will always need to remain vigilant surely? I don't think you're being naive, you obviously want it to work and it sounds like you are much happier. It's never all gonna go away is it? I'm really glad things have improved for you.

Thankyou both for your replies 🙂

We have been getting on significantly better & always will if he can keep the gambling at bay. I am never too hopeful but I don't show him any doubt. I always praise him and support him but on the inside im terrified of the words "I've lost all my money" coming from his mouth. I don't think I could do it all again. It is out first wedding anniversary in a few weeks and we are hoping to go away so fingers crossed it will happen!. Your words of wisdom are always comforting Pangolin, thankyou.

I'm sorry I haven't even around much Katiecola. Sometimes I can't bear to read the site and push the gambling thoughts to the back of my mind. I feel in a slightly stronger frame of mind at the moment. I hope you are well? How is everything going for you?? Xx

Well I'm trying to be positive too. My husband still isn't getting outside help but he is making more effort at home. He tells me he hasn't gambled for 2 weeks but I have no way of knowing if that is the truth. It's a long battle but I'm trying to look forward. X

Hi GemLou

I think that as long as he is seeing a councillor and/or attending GA regularly things will hopefully continue to improve. I would be concerned if the meetings with the councillor or GA are sporadic. It would then show to me that he is not really serious about his recovery.

I attend GA once per week. Considering I used to play the slot machines 7 days per week, this is not a lot to ask of me to continue my recovery.

Having a hobby with the gym work will help him keep his thoughts off gambling. I personally prefer keeping my mind active. Reading, crosswords, puzzles etc. It's the mind that you have to control, not the body. If his gym work does the trick for him however, so be it. Whatever works, works.

Take care

Hi katiecola,

My husband said the hardest part to get through is the first 2 weeks so if your husband is being honest it's a big breakthrough. I really hope he can make it work for you. I'm praying that last time was my husbands last time off the rails.

Hi Wal1957, nice to hear from you again! I am worried about him not having a councillor or any GA sessions but I don't want to push it. I'm going to see my own councillor today so hopefully she can advise me how to tactfully approach him if needs be. I really do hope this new fitness approach is his way of sorting himself out. It has to be better than where we were at a few short weeks ago, I can't go back to living my life that way.

Gem x

Hi Gem

It depends how bad of a gambling problem he has. If its just a few dollars here or there then he might be alright, but if this is an addiction then I would be very worried indeed.

Often the first two weeks for an addict are the easiest as I tend not to have much money to lose but once life returns to normal and I can get back into my types of behaviours that's when the battle happens.

I don't think your being naive but like Pangolin says I wouldn't get too relaxed either

Hi Triangle,

I seem to remember you making a similar comment on another thread at some point. re early stages being the easiest and the battle begins further down the line. Your words stuck in my mind and I believe there is wisdom in them. I've been "clean" a while now and I know my defences must stay strong for the long haul.

I do sincerely hope things go well in the long term for Gem, Katiecola and other people on here.

Best Wishes.

Thanks Mr Stop and I see you have gone past the 100 days- fantastic achievement!

Thanks all!

My councillor did seem quite concerned that he isn't having any so I am going to approach it sooner rather than later. I don't think I will ever relax where gambling is concerned. He is a very bad gambling addict so self-help will not work for him.

I don't know if I'm being paranoid but he seems to be going to "the gym" an awful lot. Tonight I have asked him to come home after work (around 12pm) but he refused saying he really wants to go. He's been every night this week. Bit annoyed at this but I don't want to nag and drive him to gamble. Sometimes I can't win.

Well done on your success Mr Stop 🙂

Gem x

Hi
Gem

As triangle commented the first 3 months or so are without doubt the easiest. Little spare cash, partners watching & questioning us, makes it fairly easy to stop.

If you have access to his bank account, which he will have no problem showing you if he has nothing to hide, cant you see if he has gambled or not

When i started this process i had to prove both my wherabouts & where my money was being spent, this went on for nearly 2 years. I had nothing to hide so it wasnt a problem. It was a small inconvenience to put my wifes mind at rest.

Nagging isnt going to make him gamble. In fact nothing you do will make him gamble. The only thing that will make him gamble is him. The gym story you are being given may be true however unlikely i may think it sounds. It seems like its all down to you with no effort on his part.