My other half has been gambling for a long time now. I first found out about it at Christmas time last year, and it really caused a rift between us. He told me he would stop, close his accounts and come here (which he did for a short while) and I honestly believed him. I thought he had stopped, but this evening I found a betting app on his phone and saw what he'd been spending. I was so angry, he's lied to me again and made me feel like my heart has been smashed with a hammer. I love him to pieces, but how can I plan a future if I can't rely on my partner financially? I feel like it would all fall on me if something happened. I'm cabin crew so I'm often away from home, now all I'll think about while I'm away is what he's spending his money on, which I don't feel is fair. I tried to be supportive last time, but what about being supportive and respectful towards me? I feel so selfish reading all this back, it's not about me, but it has a knock on effect. Help... 🙁
It absolutely is about you, the problem is his, but you're the one dealing with it. Theres so many of us here have asked exactly the same questions of ourselves and our futures, you're not alone.
I call it gamblers fog, when they're gambling they dont think about the consequences for anyone or anything, i dont doubt he loves you, but the gambler doesnt care about anyone, keep talking....
Hi Squidge,
Thanks for your post, and I hope you're finding the forum to be a supportive place, or at least feeling less alone about things. You're absolutely not selfish to feel the way you do; it's reasonable, and most people would feel similarly. When someone close to you does things like this, it certainly affects those around them and can be really destructive to relationships. You're right in that it's going to be hard to plan a future with someone you don't feel you can trust completely, and that's going to take some time to build back up. How transparent is your partner with his finances? How proactive is he in getting professional help for his problem? Are your own finances completely protected? These would be good things to think about.
If you'd like to chat with us anytime about any of this, we'd be happy to speak with you. You can reach us on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or the Netline from 8am to midnight every day. We've also got partner agencies in many parts of the UK that provide individual counselling at no cost, if you wanted to speak to someone face to face for a few sessions and get support or learn a bit more about gambling addiction. Your partner could access those as well, of course, and that might be the best thing he could do to address his gambling.
Hope this helps, and feel free to give us a call if you like.
Travis
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