Hi everyone. My fiancé and father to my kids has last night admitted to me he has relapsed after 15months. It was a lot of money that wasn’t ours either so not only do I have the worry about paying it back ASAP, I’m left thinking this is it. I promised myself 15 months ago if he ever did it again that was it and our relationship would end. So here we are, I’ve told him I can’t be with him anymore (please bare in mind I have supported his illness and recovery majorly the last 6 years) even though I love him I just can’t live a life like this and I honestly think this will go on for the rest of his life. Guess I’m just looking for some encourage and reassurance that I’m not being horrible by ending our relationship over this.
Hi @lizzy101,
Welcome to the forum.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through with your fiances gambling problem and behaviours. I can imagine it has been really stressful and exhausting.
It sounds like from you have written that you have really tried to be a supportive partner in the last 6 years.
The decision to walk away from the relationship is likely to have a big impact on your life. Can I suggest that you contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline just to have a space to talk and offload and see what other support we can offer you.
Hopefully sharing on here will also help to make sense of it all for yourself.
Helen
Forum Admin
Hi Lizzie you are quite right. You set a boundary and you should stick to it. I take my hat off to you for having the strength.
unfortunately the addiction wins unless the access to money is blocked in all forms. The reality is, if a gambler wants to gamble, they will, regardless of what we say or do. We are powerless.
The one thing you should not do is help him repay the debt. It’s his debt and he needs to learn the consequences of his behaviour. If he keeps getting help from others to repay debts it’s enabling and let’s his addiction continue.
Put yourself first, secure your finances and stick to your word.
call gamcare for support if you need to talk. Look online for Gamanon too. Look after yourself and your children.
Hi Lizzy101,
So sorry that you are going through such a tough time. You have to do what is best for you and your children. Don't feel guilty. You have a right to be happy and feel secure.
Take care.
J
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
