e just been looking for advice as the mother of a son who has been gambling for years. This month he gambled all his wages and is now selling the phone I gave him. He won’t talk to me and is insistent on carrying on gambling in spite of the misery it is causing him an and all around him. At my wits end!
Hi desperate mum
does he live with you? Do you help him when he has no money? Will you buy him a new phone?
you can find help and support from meetings, gamcare counselling and this forum. There are many helpful guides online too.
if you want to stop the cycle you have to stop enabling. Detach.
its very difficult to do this when you love someone and you want to help and make things better. But you can’t. He has to be the one to decide that gambling is not the answer. He needs to realise his life is unmanageable.
you should only offer emotional support, no money, no new phone.
unfortunately most gamblers go on until there’s nothing left.
what is he gambling on?
managing his money can help, but if he’s not talking to you he’s not listening or looking for help.
i used to write letters then you can say what you want and they can choose to talk about it.
if he’s in debt he can talk to stepchange
you need to look after yourself, don’t pay his debts, don’t give him money.
my mother in law took loans out for my husband when he was in his 40s, after being asked not to lend, not to keep secrets. Helping a gambler with money keeps them gambling, keeps them sick, keeps them lying to their wife.
the cycle will continue until you break it, change your reaction. Offer help and emotional support, if not for him for yourself.
Hi there- I’m in the same boat. My 25 year old has been gambling and now “forex trading” for the last 10 years. His addiction is ruining his life as well as myself and my husbands. My son refuses to get counselling and wont face up to the issue- we have “enabled” him so many times and we are at the end of our tethers. We have been getting counselling to help us deal with the issue - Beacon Counselling- v good online service. We now know we can’t help him anymore and have to let him reach his rock bottom. He’s on his way there- I’m spending my day off aware that he is upstairs- not going to work- he hadn’t slept all night and we know he had no money for petrol to get to work. Before we would have given him money for petrol- not anymore. It’s killing us but has to be done. I hope you realise that you have to detach yourself from your son the gambler as it will drag you down too. Do not give him money- do
not buy him a phone- try to remove yourself from the situation. Be there emotionally for your son but not financially and please get counselling- you need it.
Im in the same position. My son has had a serious gambling problem for years now. My husband and I have tried to help, but its cost us dearly and nearly our marraige. Hes abusive with his words when i say no to giving him money. Im a physical wreck. Im not sleeping and just crying all the time. I dont know what to do anymore. I think we've no option now but to walk away. Gambling sure rips families apart
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