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Feeling Lost Due to Partners Online Problems

 
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Last Post by Ayana 8 months ago
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 sparklypeach
(@bcwvnja9du)
Posts: 1
Topic starter
 

A couple of days ago my partner of came forward and told me they have been gambling on online and got into debts through credit cards and loans which they have accumulated over a year period.

I believe this may be a relapse, I knew prior to starting the relationship with them they had a problem years ago and had put in place measures to stop. They said they saw their ban had ended and then things spiralled from there. 

They told me they don’t want to continue with gambling anymore. They said they have been wanting to tell me for a while but never found the right time.

They have been transparent about things. Showed me the Stepchange and statements. Has put Gamstop and Gamban on their phone, the bookies self exclusion and has researched about counselling. A relative is also taking control of their money.

I have also set boundaries, which they have followed.

I feel lost with what to do. I love this individual lots. I thought we were building a life together but now I have no trust, I feel manipulated and lied to and I am struggling to picture a long term future with them. I understand this is an addiction and mental health problem that can have years long devastating effects. 

I appreciate their transparency which I know is a positive step forward in getting help and a sign that they do want help. I do want to help them and offer support but I struggling.

And help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

This topic was modified 9 months ago 6 times by sparklypeach
This topic was modified 9 months ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 9th September 2025 6:04 pm
Tazman
 Tazman
(@tazman)
Posts: 751
 

I am really sorry to hear you are struggling on a positive note your partner is wanting to and understands he has an issue the truth is from what i have seen only a small minority are successful long term saying this i am 2+ years bet free reason why i am  saying this this is not like any other addiction and requires extreme measure in place as well as on going therpy such as Ga i have been to another of places and the one that have manage 10 20 30+ years without a bet are all extreme in their approach they dont carry finances attend regular meetings and are dedicated towards the program their very slim chance someone who been a hardcore compulsive gamblier to go cold turkey and not ever relapse the issue with this addiction it simply doesent matter how long u have been clean 1 slip is all it takes it get to a stage after so many relapses some people just get sick of it and not fall for the usual relapses and adapt however the issue with this addiction it comes with nasty urgues for a varity of reasons where it clogs the brain unless you have strong connections within recovery a relapse is more likly to happen as will power alone is not enough for me personally and alot of other addicts once this occurs i cannot simply stop and each time i caused misary and damage towards my finances this is one of many attempts longest i manages was 3 years bet free and done number of 3-6 months however this time i have put extra work towards my recovery which i know is making a difference

 
Posted : 10th September 2025 2:21 am
 layla
(@ut1z0la4gp)
Posts: 10
 

@tazmun

Wishing you only goodness on your recovery journey. 

Thank you for giving more insight from a recovery point of view. Most times we cannot comprehend why things spiral out of control because my husband is completely closed up. A bit scary Reading that even after 20+ years one can relapse.Last night i found out hes been lying about not gambling for the past 2 months. I was so upset.

I try to be supportive but nothing i do really helps. The only time he agrees to let me handle all the finance is if i send him money. Then thats the end of the story. Iv been trying for months to get bank access, last week he gane me a bank statement only to find out later that it had been changed to look like debt repayments but it was actually bets. Broke my heart.

Im torn between staying and supporting him or just leaving because it doesn't seem like hes making any effort. 

 
Posted : 15th September 2025 9:30 pm
 layla
(@ut1z0la4gp)
Posts: 10
 

@sparklypeach

Im so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

I understand your feelings for i too felt them.

Thankfully your partner is making effort and that is a big step.

Your feelings are valid and it can be scary at times ,with the support of family and friends it becomes a bit easier.  Talking about it helps me.

It is important to make your well being a priority first, im learning that the hard way. I set boundaries i couldn't hold because id always give in to the lies because wow the creativity of it is out of this world. I didn't think i needed help to help them but it is so essential because the load does become heavy and almost unbearable. 

Wishing you nothing but goodness 

Take care

 
Posted : 15th September 2025 9:37 pm
 Ayana
(@efhaq547nr)
Posts: 3
 
 
 
It’s completely understandable that you feel conflicted — you love your partner and can see they’re taking genuine steps toward recovery, but the hurt, mistrust, and shock from the relapse are very real. What you’re feeling doesn’t mean you’re unsupportive; it means you’ve been deeply affected by their addiction too. It’s encouraging that your partner has taken responsibility, set up blocks like Gamstop and Gamban, involved a relative for financial control, and sought counselling — those are all important steps toward long-term recovery.

For you, it’s equally important to have support in place. You might consider reaching out to GamCare or GamAnon, which offer confidential guidance for loved ones of people with gambling problems. Setting and maintaining clear boundaries — emotional and financial — helps both of you. It’s okay to take time to rebuild trust slowly and to focus on your own wellbeing. Recovery is a process for both of you, and getting professional or peer support can help you navigate what that looks like together or apart, without losing yourself in the process.

 
Posted : 16th October 2025 12:11 pm
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