How does it spiral so quickly

Hi Geri, welcome to the forum, good to speak to you in chat 🙂

It's a lethal, progressive disease that spreads like a bush fire if left unmanaged. Sounds like your husband came clean (albeit when he had no pot left to pee in) which is a good start & the fact that he is willing to surrender his finances is equally important! Balvaird's is a good diary to head over to, he provides receipts for everything. I surrendered my finances but still made sneaky plans to have a go with little bits of cash I used to squirrel away. Whilst you may not feel brave enough to get that involved, I would suggest you insist on full access to his credit reports to ensure there are no secrets, secreted or forgotten & maintain a listening watch on them. And more importantly, separate your finances from his where possible so that you aren't liable for his mess!

You're obviously a very strong lady & that will stand you in good stead as you decide how to move forwards with this. Don't be afraid to call the helpline or put questions out here...Strangely enough for a bunch of addicts, we're pretty good @ supporting each other 🙂

You have had a huge shock & I expect your emotions are running wild right now? Others will be along soon but the best advice I can give is to take care of you first - ODAAT

hi geri, i want to say he's not the only one to have messed up. There are a lot on here. I am one. But I have only hurt me financially, and my son's future inheritance. I am posting to you firstly because to come on here you will be expecting some response - as ODAAT has done, and secondly because as someone who has destroyed his financial future, I want to say I didn't mean to do it, when i was playing it wasn't me, sounds like a lame excuse, but the red mist decends then .................. Also I would say the reason your husband lost so much is because he was chasing his losses to get his lost capital back. Money can be replaced if you are young enough and earn enough, but real love for someone ................................. good luck, loads of advice on here, hope your husband has reached rock bottom, and the gambling is at an end

Hi,

Sorry to hear what's happened. My husband is a CG, it's horrible but you're not alone.

Active gamblers are incredibly selfish and it's all too easy for everything to become about them. I wouldn't get bogged down trying to understand their mysterious thought processes. The general expectation is that a non gambler can't understand why. The addiction produces it's own brand of thinking to justify what they do, it involves a general discontent, immaturity, denying the losses, blaming everything and everyone around them, manipulation and rationalising that the big win to solve all problems is one bet away. Actually they can't win because they can't stop. They crave whatever it is that the process of placing a bet gives them.

None of which helps you to deal with behaviour and financial strain that is unacceptable. So keep the focus on you and get all the help and support that you need to cope with the situation that you're in. Read the forum, call the helpline, try GamAnon meetings. You didn't Cause it, you can't control it, you can't Cure it. Don't try to fix things for him. His debt is his and he is responsible for what he's taken from you and the other family member. Separate your finances, get the credit checks, protect yourself. Keep cards and passwords safe and enter passwords manually.

You can't make him stop but you can decide what you expect from your relationship and if he's not delivering, you control what you tolerate and what you do.

Look after you.

CW

PS in answer to your original question, it sounds like spread betting or contracts for differences. They can lose more than they deposit so when they start chasing losses, disaster happens that much faster.

No comfort there, sorry. Focus on you.

CW