Is it addiction?

Hi MrsD

My name is Stuart B and I am a compulsive gambler. I say that 7 times per week at GA meetings.

I think you already know the answer but if you search online for the gamblers anonymous 20 questions, if your husband won't answer them, you probably can yourself on his behalf. I answered yes to all 20 unfortunately but if he would answer us to 7 or more than you probably have your answer. 

I really don't want to say this but anyone that would leave their daughter in a car to go into a bookies had a problem

Thanks for your reply Stuart. think I do know I have just been gas lit and manipulated so much now that I don’t know what’s the truth and what’s not. He’s so adamant it’s not a problem because it’s only small amounts he’s betting he can’t see that the compulsion, lies and personality changes have literally torn apart our relationship. His words were he’s not harming people or doing anything illegal. I’ve been lied too so much that I don’t trust my own instincts anymore and I’m scared to make massive life changing decisions when I don’t have all the answers. Can I ask what it took for you to get to the point where you could admit you had a problem an wanted to help yourself? 

@rkmg67v8el 

Hi Mrs D,

My name is Kylie, and I was/am very similar to your Husband.  I live with addiction everyday and it is a continual, exhausting battle.  There was a number of things that led me to having a bad relationship with food, then gambling, then alcohol. Unfortunately I also lied to my then Husband, I was extremely dishonest and his trust in me just fell away, well I eroded it, with my behaviour.  I certainly wasn't the women who he married and had children with.  I changed beyond recognition but hid is all so extremely well.  He still had a lot of unanswered questions.

It wasn't until my husband eventually told me that he no longer trusted me, had no confidence in having a future with me, or in fact loved me anymore.  He left two months later and I was beyond devastated, I did stop gambling but turned to other things.  

I knew I had a problem all the way through my experience, with compulsive gambling but always thought one day I would win big, my problems would be over and I could pay back my debts, that never happened and never would have.  I certainly didn't enjoy it, I was a nervous wreck.

I wrote to him years later and sincerley apologised, he did say he wish he had listened to me more and he was sorry also. I fully, fully understood why he needed to leave.  I am now trying to seek some closure, to look after myself better and look forward to the future.

I hope this helps in some small way.

Take care,

Kylie.

Hi MrsD

I gambled for 44 years and I came to a point where I was broken. I was heading down a single track road leading to only one possible outcome. This outcome I thought I had accepted when all of the lies, manipulation and more would be found out. I was in trouble at work where I was MD but I must admit that I didn't think it would go the way it has, as I thought as a gambler that there was a way out.

Gambling addiction is a mental health problem. As a gambler I thought it was only financial and didn't recognise the harm I had done to others, my own mental wellbeing being, let one the amount of time. Most people think it's a selfish pursuit but when I was taken over by the addiction, all my morals were removed by it. The addiction relies on fuel which means lies. The addiction creates isolation and disconnection. 

The one thing I really want to say is that since I've given up, I've worked on getting back to the real me, a kind and loving person, honest, empathetic and someone who enjoys the simple things in life. 

There is hope out there, I don't know how you approach it with your husband as the only person that can come into recovery is him. For me personally, intervention never worked in my past.