Feeling betrayed, sad, anxious, angry, grief

Hi nst 

I can’t comment on being an affected other, I can only speak as a gambling addict. However, I would say that gambling addiction makes you sneaky, immoral and all the undesirable attributes you can think of which are so different from your real character. He’s come clean, which is a massive move. X

Hi nst 

I can’t comment on being an affected other, I can only speak as a gambling addict. However, I would say that gambling addiction makes you sneaky, immoral and all the undesirable attributes you can think of which are so different from your real character. He’s come clean, which is a massive move. X

@jrd6wx15ae Hi MistyWillow, thank you for giving your point of view. It's nice to have confirmation that this is all so different from someone's real character and it is good that he has come clean and wants to try and get better. He has put things in place himself and is trying. I just don't know if I can live with the fear of it happening again. I know no one else has answers to that part only me but this is a whole new world to me and I'm still struggling to understand it all x

Hi,

I am an affected other, I can relate to all your words in the title of this topic.  Its exactly what I went through 11m ago.

I discovered my wife was gambling in Apr 25, right under my nose,.and becasue for years I hadn't taken an intrest in our finances, she was able to hide it well.

It was only on transferring to a new bank I began to take an intrest, this was a blessing in disguise for her as I found out and she was able to open up.

We have been married 23 years this year, so the marriage was definitely on the line here and luckily she chose me over gambling, 11m later and she is still gamble free, relieved so much support and is working her way to become a peer aid support worker.

As for me, I just supported her, I was able to take control of the money and help remove access to it.  She removed access to the sites and installed GamBan (highly recommend)  we made time for each other to fill the time that she could have relapsed.

I understand how difficult this is, not sure how long you have been together, but all you can do is offer support, we have as much of a part to play in this recover as the gambling addict does.  But they need to want to get the support, they need to own the problem and accepting responsibility is key.

Hopefully you find this forum helpful and ill try and reply as and when I can. The chateooms are good too I would advice joining a session one night.

If I could share more contact details I would

@4zm2jsecab hi Dougie, thanks so much for sharing your personal experience. It really does hit hard doesn't it. I'm so glad to hear your positive outcome. I just wish he spoke to me about it before it got so out of control. It scares me that even if he stops now he may relapse and do it again one day and that could ruin our lives with the amounts of money he gambled and lost. 

He said he had a problem years ago before we met and that he was able to quit cold turkey and using blockers etc on his phone. But my fear now is that where he had the problem before and then again now, it seems to escalate to such a high level so quickly rather than little amounts. So then I feel like I will have to be so on the ball with finances if we stay together to ensure he isn't doing anything. 

I plan to join the chatroom this week 🙂 

@qecy7r3plz no problem at all, feel.free to ask any questions.

The blocks and exclusions are key, as that aids in removing access, if he is serious about stopping he need to ensure these are in place.  GamStop app does work and can be gained free of requested via the correct support networks, like GamCare.  I questioned the validity of the App as I thought it could just be deleted like any normal app.  But after investigation it cant and it really does work.

If its joint finance then yes you have to be on the ball, somthing I never had an intrest in. But now I do and I k ow where every penny is.

Please feel free to ask any questions.  Ill help where I can, because I had noone to talk to until I reached out.

Hi Net, 

I think it's great you have put steps in place to help support you. It sounds like you have been going through a difficult time, and you are probably still trying to process everything. 

I am writing as an affected mother of a gambling addict and I know how cruel this addiction can be, not only on the individual but also of the loved ones of a gambler. I second what MistyMillow said about all the bad attributes that come alongside an addict. It changes the person to someone that their loved ones don't recognise, but it is also important to see this addiction as an illness and that anyone can change, it's just got to be down to the individual and no one else. 

As I read your words I really feel the pain in the trust being broken and I know first hand how hard it can be to get back. 

During my partners first relapse, I discovered a really supportive women's only group called WINGS, which I would highly recommend. They helped me when I was going through a really bad time, and they were all so lovely and supportive. 

Whatever you choose to do, I would suggest really thinking about it before making any decisions, because right now you are probably in a very vulnerable place and will need support. But also, prioritize your own needs and self-care because i know often they can be neglected and it's important to protect your own mental health. 

Kind regards,

Jade

I can not comment as a affected others only as a gamble addict.. I am dreading telling my partner as I know he will hate me and possibly leave.. we have 4 children together and spend every penny on gambling. My friend says I need to be honest but I can not lose him.