Hey everyone. Long story short my partner told me a year into our relationship that he’s had a gambling problem since he was 20, he’s now 41. The reason he told me is because he’d bet away his bill money (we didn’t live together at the time) so I bailed him out. Since that day he gave me full control of his money & I transfer him his bill money the day before they’re due to come out of his bank which I know is a massive thing & I’m proud of him for taking action. HOWEVER, since then he tells me when he’s struggling or has urges which again I appreciate is a good thing. A couple of times he’s admitted he’s got abit carried away in the casino after a night out but nothing major (he only has enough in his bank for that night) He has been away this weekend, his bill money was due to come out so I transferred him it as we have done for the last year and he’s told me he’s gambled most of it away & now needs to borrow money again.
How do people handle this, I don’t want to show him how angry I am because I don’t want him to stop being honest with me but I don’t want him thinking that it’s okay because I just accept that relapse can be part of it & that his actions have no consequences.
sorry if this is long winded I’m new to this & I want to support him the best way I can but not be naive.
Thankyou
Sorry to hear this @caw91 judging by your comments it sounds like you are going above and beyond with the support, encouragement and trust you are bestowing to your partner. I don't believe it's fair to tell you what you should be doing as all of us suffering with a gambling addictions are different and each personality has a bespoke way of dealing with it. What I can say is he is a grown up with a conscious and responsibility, he has to accept it is unacceptable behaviour to spend bill money particularly if it has in impact on the household. I the past I have gambled all of my rent and priority bill money, it took someone to tell me it was unacceptable before the penny dropped. If you do decide to tell him, please be very tactful and non aggressive ? an argument is the last thing you need.
Hi if you lend him the money you are enabling him. It’s his responsibility. It’s not ok to gamble your bill money and if he never learns the consequences he never learns to deal with his addiction. Stopping gambling has nothing to do with someone doling out money. It’s about taking responsibility. It’s about not gambling at all, limits don’t work.
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