My husband was always social gambler, until he won 20K on an online casino, that was it! He'd always been sensible and never lost more than he'd won, but after his big win, it spiralled out of control and he racked up debts of 47K. I knew there were debts, but it took forever to find out how much.
At the point I found out, he'd stopped gambling and had cleared 11K of the debt. I still felt hurt and upset, disappointed at the lies and deceit.
We cleared the remaining 36K, but I am now left constantly doubting if he's doing it again, feeling hollow at the wasted money and what we could have done with it, and I just can't get past the deceit.
I am lucky that he's quit gambling, but wish he would attend meetings to keep up his recovery, and to finally be able to admit what he's done to us.
What you have been through must have been so hard. I recently discover my partners gambling had gone out of control too. The loss of finances was huge and upsetting but like you said, it was the lies and deceit that broke my heart. I have learnt to not take the lies personally, its not him its the addiction. Trust is hard to rebuild but it sounds like your husband has made a huge turn around. I am looking to the future now, we have a long way to go and the addiction will never go away. For me its not about not trusting the person, its about not trusting the addiction and if he has nothing to hide he will be open to all questions regarding money/gambling that I ask him. As soon as he is reluctant, that's when I see a problem. Part of the trust being rebuilt for us was to see him making the changes needed, e.g. meetings. I wish you all the best in your future and your husbands recovery.
Hi Ems74,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for sharing your concerns about your husband’s gambling problem.
It must be really difficult for you when you found out the truth about his gambling debts, and I can understand your disappointments, anxieties and frustration in this sense.
However, both you and your husband has done a good job by paying off his debts. In fact, we also have to commend him for taking the necessary steps to do something about his gambling debts when he realised the facts of his situation; losing more than he was winning.
The fact of the matter is that gambling gets worse if you don’t do anything about it, and it can easily get out of control. It’s also difficult to try and overcome gambling addiction by yourself; you need professional help to do that.
What you can do now to support your husband is to encourage him to contact us. He can reach us via our free phone helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers.
Hopefully, with time, your emotional pain will begin to diminish provided that he continues to stay out of gambling. Perhaps your husband should consider some other activities/ hobbies that would distract him from gambling, and try not to allow himself to get bored.
I also think it’s advisable to let go of your losses as you’ll not get those monies back (I’m aware it’s not easy to do that), and to focus on encouraging your husband to go for the advice and support that we offer for gambling addiction.
Meanwhile, do take care of yourself, and please contact us again if you feel you need further help. Also, do try and post as often as you can.
Thank you,
Beatrice
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