I just want to say to everyone on the f&f side of this forum that there is life after living with a CG.
Having spent nearly half my adult life married to one who promised recovery time after time but as soon as the dust settled went straight back to it laying all the foundations with lies and deciet, I finally took control of my own life.
6 months in to rebuilding my life and my families with out my partner and I finally feel alive.
I'm not sure which was harder. Staying with him for so long working to forgive all the terrible things he said and did or making the break for my own sanity. Leaving wasn't easy. But it was something I had to do. I needed to live not exist. My partner wasn't prepared to put effort into anything except throwing good pound after bad. I put effort into helping him but he never helped himself
Now I have a life a hope a future.
The path to recovery for me hasn't been easy. Lots has happened and I still have a lot to deal with from the fall out of his destructive past time but I no longer doubt my ability.
I'm doing this not only for me but my family. I'm doing the right thing for all the right reasons.
We do have that inner strength to make the break. I proved it to myself
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Thanks rob
I've made use of various councillors in the past and it's part of what enabled me to pick up the pieces. That and my determination not to let a compulsive gambler blight my life for another second.
Things keep coming along which try to trample me back into the ground but I'll keep fighting with all I have never to go back to the mess I once was. I've come too far now.
I've still a steep hill to climb which has only been added to these last 24 hours but I'll make it.
I'll just keep picking myself up and carry on.
Morning KS
Hey thanks for the post, sounds like you were a bit deflated with it all yesterday
Remember tomorrow's another day and I am sure your world is looking better today
Have a great weekend keeping safe
Stay strong and take care
Suzanne xx
PS coloured my hair last night have gone slightly darker and it' not green lol
but it is a different colour change is as good as a rest
Xx
Hey
Blonde to black too extreme nooo lol
Go a nice easy medium ash blonde,my new colour now
Stress and sun had sent my hair white blonde lol
There is every point,come on,think positive
I know what you mean about work its hard to be at work when we are low and anxious
Think positive use your strengths do something totally out of routine today and surprise yourself
You are stronger than you think
Suzanne xx
Hi
You have just had me chuckling again
Don't colour your hair first it might turn green lol lol
Bring everything on I say we can deal with it
Suzanne xx
KS
You have gone through a very traumatic period in your life, it takes time
Don't do anything hasty in any areas YOU know your moods change
I am pleased you have your Mum to talk to
Look into your heart and make the right choice for you and your family and what you really want
None of us can see into the future but we can see now and today
I don't know your immediate circumstances but I am here for you to lean on
Suzanne xx
The more I think about it the greater the urge to get it done.
Today depression has hit hard.
Today I feel sick to my stomach
Today I am alone with only my thoughts and they're doing me no good.
So today I'm choosing something constructive and it may be a real rash decision to make but one which I feel is a step in the right direction
Today - right now I'm going to go thro every cupboard and drawer and sort stuff out ready to pack. If I've not used it or worn it for 1 year it's going in the bin.
If it holds memories it goes to the skip.
Next week I'm going to quit the job I hate so much lock my house up and move to my mums and sort my life out there.
I really can leave it all behind.
I'm going to take a hypothetical eraser and wipe it all out.
For me now it's the only way.
Shocking how having a CG in my life for so long has left me emotionally & mentally
Not only that but a person I loved unconditionally with all my heart could turn their back so easily
Time to be selfish
Have just posted to you on my thread
You would think I would have the hang of this by now lol
but I am a dizzy blonde still lol
Suzanne xx
What a week last week was. Gladly it's all behind me and I've moved on from it. I know to expect days like it so I've found new things to keep me from getting that low again
I've learnt to cope with huge changes in life. Sometimes I just need to give myself time to accept them I forget I'm human and not a robot.
I know what I want and don't want from my life and I will no longer settle for anything less.
I'm stronger than I think
Hi keep
Thanks for your ongoing support and I am really pleased that your world is so much more positive this week
My job is on hold at the moment I have been going through a process at work for 3 months now, management restructure (yeah right)
I have opted for redundancy and hope I get it (all this wAiting for the outcome is very stressful but it has not even edged me back to wanting to gamble)
I love fresh starts whether it be moving or changing jobs (guess I am quite an optimistic person really, I have to be with the ups and downs of life lol)
We are hoping to be moving next year further down the east coast
Why should we keep taking second best in our lives, we only have one
You are stronger than you think
Take care and be positive
Suzanne xx
Morning and thanks as always Suzanne
Went out last night - first time In a while. Met up with new people and really enjoyed myself.
Think getting out doing new things for me is going to have to become a habit
You really do only get one go at life - no dress rehearsals so don't waste it
Evening diary
A note to self more than anything - today has been a brilliant day. So much fun and laughter I'd forgotten what it felt like
No one has analysed me or talked about my past they've just accepted who I am today and no more than that
All days should be like today for everyone. Full of smiles and no hassle or stress x
Goodnight
The dawn of a new day again brings new things. Work done and dusted for another week allowing some time for me to get what I need and want out of my weekend. Some quality family time a trip to the hairdresser get the car valeted and some much needed clothes shopping ahead of a night out on Sunday - yes I'm being a rebel and going out on a Sunday night haha
I'll probably be full of regrets on Monday morning saying those immortal words "never again" but it's gotta be done so I'm going to enjoy it.
That's what life about. Enjoyment.
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