Life after a CG

Mission accomplished. All targets achieved and ready for my weekend

If only all days were this easy to glide thro

Thought of the day-

Everything I've lived through makes me what i am today

Today will be a good day because I'm living for today

Every day of damage caused by a CG will only make me walk further away from it and closer to the life I want and need.

I'm keeping myself safe

Hi KS

Thankyou for your ongoing support much appreciated

The aftermath of gambling sadly keeps biting us on both sides of the fence

My OH certainly has not deserved not having any spare money for nearly 5 months now. He is the innocent party and so are you

We CGs have all the shame and guilt and think what the f**k have we done and the partner of a CG thinks what the f**k have they done and sadly neither side of the fence has any answers

On a lighter note I am so pleased your hair never turned green lol and I am sure your new colour is boosting your confidence to keep carrying on

Whatever the weather

Remember you will have mood swings, hell your life has been turned upside down

Take one day at a time girl you will get there

Listen to your heart

Stay safe and strong

Suzanne xx

Hey KS

Whatever the weather and you are doing it

Stay safe

Suzanne xx

Had my patience and emotions tested this morning - yep I stood my ground so I'm learning.

Had a read of the gam anon site to that describes the characteristics of a CG

Pretty spot on I'd say so it's helped to explain a lot.

The emotional insecurity lack of maturity - 2 of the main things I found really hard to deal with in what was supposed to be an adult relationship

These are things id look out for in the future. If I spot them I'd run a mile

Once bitten and all that.

Life continues to move on in the right direction.

I'm keeping safe x

Hi KS

Thankyou so much more your lovely message and for your ongoing support x

I am committed to paying these PD loans off before I can treat myself to anything. By November we will have some spare cash, but I feel I am treating myself everyday by abstaining, this one of the gifts Duncs talks about

It will feel fantastic when I can go out again for a meal with OH or even the pub

We have been on such a tight budget since the 28th April, but as each month has gone by the budget has improved

I never want to dig up that box again it can stay safely six foot under

How are you doing, I really hope your world is improving and you are feeling more positive and good within yourself

I came home from work to a mini heat wave lol

Feelings and moods change just like the weather

Thanks for being around and caring, it doesn't matter who we tell unless they have been through it they don't really understand and that is both sides of the fence

Gambling is such a destructive and secret addiction even when out in the open (if that makes sense)

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xx

Life continues to run smoothly without too many bumps in the road. Sure beats the hell out of the massive highs and lows.

I'm spending my time wisely. Doing the things I not only need but want to do.

I've had time to read more. I've a stack of books on my tablet that I just never had time to really relax with but now I have it.

I'm feeling so much more confident within myself. Something which I was stripped of. I no longer question my ability to achieve anything. I'm not afraid to say I won't settle for second best on anything.

I sleep soundly at night now. Something I didn't think I'd ever get back. How I am now is down to me. I looked my life clean in the eyes and decided enough was enough.

I've put me back together again.

Because of who and what I am today, makes me easier for my family to live with. The love we share the laughter and fun we have together. The pride we feel in each other makes us stronger together every day.

We are a family recovering from destruction that a compulsive gambler causes.

We were down but never out

Most importantly of all we are keeping safe

Today has been a good day. A day off catching up with friends a lie in this morning and a glass of wine and chat this evening.

A couple of letters arrived this morning which a week ago would have rocked my happy boat a bit but today because of my mindset just made me stand taller

One was about my divorce. It got me thinking seriously.

I've spent my whole married life paying for a CG mistakes. For me to divorce him I'm paying again. I have no intention of ever remarrying. I'd never trust anyone who made me a promise (too easily broken)

I feel like a CG could get you to believe black was white after so many years of convincing lies.

So what do I need a divorce for? Just to say I'm no longer married? Well in law I am but not in any other way. The day he started breaking our vows was the day our marriage failed to exist

I feel I'd be better off with the money in the bank than a piece of paper that cost thousands just to tell me what I already feel.. It's a dilemma I'll mull over the next few days. I'm letting my head rule my heart now.

Hearts get broken too easily.

Ks

Glad I had a solid nights sleep last night as today is going to be a long day

Little one sent home from school with a stomach bug so I'm up to my eyes in laundry.

The weather is horrid so I'm kind if glad to be called out of work before the forecast storm hits. Not so glad for the reasons. A mums life is so glam!

Diary -

Amazed at how children bounce back from anything. Even a tummy bug doesn't keep them down for long... Especially when they know schools finished for the day!!!

Thankfully the weekend is finally here although I'm not really sure what to do with it. Still struggling to find my feet with a new routine so guess I will be at the weathers mercy

I'm starting to think about my own personal future now and not just that of my families. I know it won't be long before they're grown up, doing their own thing and need me around less and less

I'd like to think that there's someone out there one day that will be my soul mate. Someone to trust and depend on.

And there lies my problem. How do you ever begin to trust when promises made are so easily broken?

I'll work it out one day - for now tho me and mine are keeping safe

Diary-

Today feels like it is dragging. Shouldn't complain as it's the weekend. Trying to fill the hours while your mind is elsewhere makes the day longer. I've filled it with menial tasks. But I have nearly read a whole book in just a few hours.

Trying to avoid social networking sites that are filled with countdowns to Xmas. Something I am really dreading this year. The financial impact being the biggest reason

Still trying to pick up the pieces and rob peter to pay Paul - the result of suffering at the hands of a CG.

I know it's going to take time to get myself straight completely but I will get there. A gritty determination to make it on my own.

At least I no longer get any surprise bills thro the post. Small mercies for which I'm thankful.

So what now for the rest of my day - well a beef stroganoff is ready to be devoured by the family then a quiet night for me with music channel a glass of wine and with any luck finish this book and start the next in the series. I'm actually quite gripped. Even if it does remind me of what I'm missing in life.

Morning Tuesday

Where have the last 3 days gone? I've spent them totally consumed in books. 3 in 3 days. Suffering severe lack of sleep through reading. But I really have enjoyed each one and learnt so much - more so about myself and the path id like to follow

Still keeping safe but venturing outside my comfort zone a little....

I wish more than anything I could have read ex doormats latest post days weeks or even months ago. Everything makes so much sense. I could have saved myself counselling as well as heartache.

I see a lot of what's written in myself.

So this is it for me. No more looking back. No more what ifs. And certainly no more adapting myself to suit another.

I look around me and I really do have all I need. I have my home my family my job ( which due to standing up for myself has improved beyond recognition) I have some truly wonderful people in my life. I have my freedom and space to breathe. I can now relax whenever I want. Why on earth did I ever keep putting myself through the agony

Life with out a CG in it for me is just how it should be.

A massive goodbye to the past. And a warm welcome to my future.

Ks

Thank you for posting KS...

Keeping safe is definitely something I now put as priority and you know what? ..it's not boring.

The repetition of the rollercoaster was boring and a perpetual limbo state not able to plan anything for the future or build up hope whilst trying to not to look back in anger for fear of being consumed by it...one word ..hell .

I just love the comfort of my own bed and books ! Wow now that's something I can really relate to...your growth as a person just accelerates after all this and I wonder now how I even had the time to factor anything else in.

Even today I look in the mirror and think ...how the hell did I do it.

Keep safe Keepingsafe ......it's the difference between a warm fire snugged up with a cup of cocoa compared to hanging off a cliff holding an icicle! ...xxx

Ps ..just seen your post KS..think they came out of sync a bit...

I've written a post on where I'm at with forgiveness and will just go back to reading again. This time alone has been healing but I'm even reluctant to socialise which I know has become a habit.

I get invited out , agree and even when I'm agreeing I'm plotting what excuse I can use to get out of it...lol I'm still not ready but not beating myself up.

I know I'm high risk at attracting this or similar in again so the trust is that I don't trust myself to bail out when I see red flags im terrified of falling into the same trap coupled with a feeling something is being hidden from me or a double life is at play.

Even if I went out with a man and he put his mobile phone upside down on the table if it bleeped ..it would be enough to spark suspicion.

Keep safe ...(((keeping safe.)))..I will sign off now and I shall be reading your progress and cheering you on...:-)

Rachel xxxx