After 7 years together I took the plunge last Week and left my fianc.
I have known he enjoyed a flutter more than most people for around 6 years but I only really realised how bad his problem was after we engaged last year...every few months he comes to me needing hundreds or thousands of pounds to pay bills - his job means that every month he has to pay large sums of money to the companies he buys materials from. He gets a lot of cash in hand from his customers and he bets it instead of saving it to pay bills.
He lied and manipulated me on every occasion making promises that he couldn't keep and convincing me that our relationship would improve which only ever lasted a couple of weeks before his mood began to fluctuate again and I would be left feeling low, worthless, second best and not worth the effort of his affection or attention.
I never told family or friends for fear they would judge us but the relief I felt last week when I opened up to my parents was immense and it turns out they had already picked up on some of the issues although they had no idea just how bad the situation was.
I'm now left with a wedding that I need to cancel and I'm feeling extremely embarrassed and shallow that I allowed myself to get caught up in the excitement of planning a wedding day when deep down I knew the marriage would be a disaster.
I'm feeling very guilty that I should maybe have tried more to help him and I feel as though I have abandoned him but in reality I think I was just enabling
Him by being so sympathetic and willing to dig him out of some bad situations.
The distrust and loss of respect for him have completely taken over and for months I've been battling with myself over whether to leave him or not and last weekend I had a lightbulb moment when I realised The addiction has forced me to fall out of love with him and that I was done with this life.
I've been staying at my parents for the last few days as I wanted to be amicable and allow him time to think straight and move out of the house so I asked him to move out by today. The mortgage is in my name because he has such bad credit ratings and he is refusing to leave and won't let me gain entry to my own house.
I think he is expecting some kind of payoff for the contributions he has made to the mortgage payments but he won't be getting anything else from me - I think he should be more than satisfied by the fact he will be walking away with 7000 less debts to pay because I've taken loans out in my name for him and will obviously have to continue paying them once he's gone.
He says he has an appointment to see his GP next week to get some help and I really hope that he does and that he can try to rid himself of the demon that is consuming him.
As for me, I'm done with him and his demon, I am feeling quite liberated and I'm hopeful that my life can only improve from here.
Hi Lil. Well you've certainly been through the wringer both emotionally and financially. You have my sympathy but if you don't mind me saying so I think you've dodged a bullet.
Don't blame yourself for having to cancel the wedding. You've been brave and sensible in calling it off. Many people would have gone through with it and hoped for the best but you didn't and you should be proud of yourself. There's an old saying ' Marry in haste - repent at leisure '. Well it's not exactly in haste after seven years together but you've given your OH every chance over the years and he's let you down. You did the right thing.
As it's turned out it's lucky that he has such a poor credit rating as you'd probably otherwise have taken out a joint mortgage which causes a lot more problems in a separation. Despite your current difficulties caused by his reluctance to move, legally you have a home to call your own and it belongs to you and you alone.
Now that you've made and taken the big decision you need to look after yourself first and him a firm second. If he can demonstrate long term that he really does want to clean himself up then maybe things will improve between you but until then you must look after yourself and leave him to make the big decision as to where he goes from here.
It will take time but I'm sure what you've done will lead to a more contented life for yourself, a life we all want.
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