Hi,
I am seeking advice on if I should approach my partners friend who lends my partner money knowing it is for gambling.
My partner has admitted a couple of times over the course of the last couple of years that he has blown through savings and borrowed money to gamble with. Whilst I have tried ways to be supportive without mothering him, we have got the point where we need to stop burying our heads in the sand and tackle this head on. I want to support him so I am seeking my own advice and counselling to do this and I’m aware that some restrictions need to be introduced going forward, especially with finances. We have nothing joint (never had anything joint and naturally Im apprehensive about having anything joint given the situation) so I do have limited access to his accounts but we will explore options to support this. He has completed the bans online and in bookies etc. & will also be starting his own counselling & will be attending GA meetings.
The issue I’m wanting to address mostly is his friend who lends him money for it. On one hand I am very grateful he has a friend to confide in because unfortunately I have typically found out afterwards, so I’m glad he isn’t resorting to dodgy brokers/loaners/banks etc. but I feel frustrated and conflicted that his friend is enabling him. I’m mindful that I’m upset at the minute and don’t want to project frustrations on his friend, but I would like to understand if reaching out to his friend is likely to help. I have only met this friend once briefly, so I don’t really know him and therefore don’t know if or how I should approach this.
If I was to approach his friend, do you have any advice on how best to do this?
Sorry for the word vomit. I believed this was something he had under control and we had a “check in” system that has failed along the way. Now I know we have a lot of work to do to get him through this and that it will be a daily battle mostly likely for forever but I am willing to put the work in with him and support him through it.
Thank you
Hi anon92
unfortunately this is for your partner to address. It’s part of his recovery to be open and honest with his friends. If his friend lends him money don’t repay it. That’s the first lesson we as partners learn, if you give a gambler money you won’t see it again. If you stop repaying the friend he will definitely not keep lending him money.
i would just focus on what you can offer support wise. My husband would pay his salary to me so that all bills were paid. So that is a way to help focus on responsibility.
there is nothing we can do to stop a gambler. They don’t often tell you anything.
the most important thing is to look after yourself.
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