Not getting any easier....

Hi jw1976

I guess I'm over sensitive- probably due to lack of sleep! I think I need to accept that he doesn't love me-not enough anyway. I know I can't reach him and the frustration kills me. I think I could learn to live with it all if he took responsibilty for himself and the mess. But he won't so my life continues in an awful spiral with me continually bashing my head against a brick wall. I want to do the couple counselling to encourage him to open up. I'm hoping he won't go into shut down mode with another adult in the room. It really is my last hope- I said that about GA too! That is part of my problem- I always need the next possible solution.I always think-if I could just get him to the GP, GA, counselling he will see the light. But if I stop trying I admit defeat and that's the end of my marriage.

Hi katie

I am so sorry to hear and see what you are going through. I have come on this part of the site to get s real understanding of how much damage and destruction it does to loved ones as i sadly am a cg. I completely get that someone who isnt a cg can't and probably won't ever understand our behaviour, im not sure half of us cgs really can understand why we were able to start this whole horrible cycle ourselves. i am intelligent and love all the people around me dearly which i am sure your husband really does love you too but when you are in the fantasy world those things start to slide into the background which is truely wrong. One thing i learnt personally is that a cg will only stop when they truly hit rock bottom and for everyone that means something different. hopefully that will be very soon so you and your husband can try and mend and rebuild some type of relationship. i had a partner 6 months ago who knew about my addiction and for me that almost made it worse. The fact he knew and if i did slip up, yeah he would get angry but he was still there and somehow for me that made it worse. i am glad to say i have now made the choice to stop gambling and am truly sorry for everything i have done to my loved ones but in order to do this i had to make the decision to break up with my ex for his sake. I have since handed my finances over and done everything i can to be on the road to recovery. I couldn't keep putting him through it snd knew that it was what i had to do so we could both deal with it and i needed to take responsibility for the mess i had createdand not havinghim as my crutch holding me up. Everyones different on how they will get through it and anyone who supports and sticks by their partner is admirable. I know you have read lots annd know that he will only stop when he chooses to so in the meantime try and stay strong for the sake of your girls and from the perspective of a cg please choose to ignoree this if you do not find it helps as i am from a different perspective to you but concentrate on you and your girls. Do not waste too much energy on him for the time being if it is fallinb on death ears as no matter how much support you ofer, if hes not ready to accept it you are putting yourself through alot of pain and stress. You have every right to feel betrayed, angry and frustrated and i think that is what we deserve and need to realise the damage and hurt we have caused. Hopefully when he really does realise and want your support you may have a little left to give him.

I hope nothing i have said will have caused any offense in any way and wish you all the best.

Becky

Hi becky

Thank you for your post. I really wish you well for your continued recovery. It makes me really sad when I read about you having to leave your ex for his sake. I know my husband feels the same and I'm sure sooner or later he'll go. He also thinks I'll be better off without him and will have a chance of happiness again. I'm just too much of an optimist hoping he'll recover with me by his side. I know deep down it's very unlikely. Hopefully the couple counselling will bring this awful situation to a close one or the other.

Hi Katie,

My husband kept saying he was leaving and getting another house etc etc but he would never be able to afford it alone, not while gambling anyway. I was so angry I told him to leave and I couldn't have cared less, he was shocked by this and has seemed to have picked himself up a bit after the thought of actually going it alone and losing his safety net. Still waiting on him getting the councillor he keeps 'forgetting' to ring though. He said he's doing it today so we shall see! I wish we just had something to snap them out of it when they delve into the gambling monster mode. I feel like I lose a little bit more everytime and im still hanging onto my marriage by a thread. My moods depend on whether I'm fretting about what he's doing or not. Sometimes I just think can I even live like this? Why do I want to? Keep your chin up and just think this situation couldn't get much worse so the only way is up from here whether it be with him or alone and if it is alone at least you know in your heart of hearts that you tried xx

I keep thinking it can't get much worse but it certainly doesn't get any better! He had a call from a store card today asking him to pay £7 for a missed payment. He has a card with money on it but he immediately took my debit card out of my purse whilst on the phone and accused me of not paying it! When I said you have your card he replied- not for that! I couldn't care less about the £7 but the nerve of the man!! I haven't got mad at him- I actually can't be bothered. I know the drill- I get really wound up, he shuts down, I get more frustrated ....The only one to suffer is me.

I really hope your husband continues to take positive steps and you can be a happy couple again.

I'm burning a bit of midnight oil.

I've read Becky's post. Very interesting.

I can't offer any further advice for Katie or GL89. I've already put forward my twopenneth at an earlier time on here. They both know where they are at in their respective relationships with a CG. I hope and pray they achieve a resolution sooner rather than later and find a kind of peace in this life. Katie, I hope the couple counselling helps in this respect.

Best Wishes

Thanks MrStop. I wish you every success on your journey of recovery.