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GemLou I'm so sad reading your post, you sound like someone so caring and someone who so does not deserve any of this pain and grief he has brought to you and your family. My partner was never aggressive like that however in the last month we've been apart and I've ran things over and over in my head millions of times, I am shocked at how the loving, kind, considerate, generous & wonderful man I fell in love with turned into someone so nasty, inconsiderate and self-consumed.... The man that once adored me and would do anything for me would leave me in floods of tears because of his behaviour without a second thought. I struggle daily with missing him and even now still worry about him and what he's doing, still telling him I'm there for him for support and wanting to help him overcome what he's going through but he throws it all back in my face constantly. But a friend gave me a piece of advice which I hope might help you too... She said to me that I was missing the old S, not the person he now is, the person that gambling turned him into. I need to constantly tell myself that to accept that we can't be together for now because he's not that person anymore, it's heartbreaking and shattering and what makes it harder is that it's absolutely not your fault. I've gone through analysing the years we were together and wondering if I'd changed things about me or did/said things differently that he wouldn't have gambled... But it's them and their demons and their issues that only they can deal with and only if they want to, I know you've heard that a million times over tho. I've finally accepted that as loving and caring and supportive I am towards him it will never be enough. And we deserve so so much better than that, and so do your kids. I know how hard that is to come to terms with when you're in love with them tho and know the person they can be. Anyway, I hope you are okay, you are going through a massive trauma right now, my friends tell me to accept the feelings and don't fight them, take every moment as it comes and try not to cave in to him. He needs to lose everything, he doesn't deserve any of it right now and will never learn if he doesn't realise the extent of what he's lost. Take care, you are in my thoughts xxx

Thankyou all so much. I had an early peaceful night and I actually managed to sleep all night! My friend came first thing with bacon bless her! I know these first few weeks will be the hardest but I just need to keep busy and take each day as it comes.

I'm keeping him at arms length and he hasn't stepped foot in the house since everything happened. I usually caved and let him have the sofa etc but not this time. He asked last night and I said no. He asked to come around to talk to me this morning and again I said no. I've agreed he can have the kids as long as he takes them round to his mum's. It's sounds like I'm being harsh but for my own minds sake I don't want to see him. I hope you are ok SL90, im here anytime you need to chat! Xx

Hi GemLou89

You're not being harsh at all. I would call it being sensible. Take a break, you deserve it. 🙂

Best wishes

Hi Wal1957 🙂

I am definitely looking after number 1 and blocking him out for now. I'll deal with him when i'm a little stronger. He's seeing the kids today, he hasn't seen them since he went off the rails on Saturday. I've told him he can take them with him, I don't want him in my home. So see a friend or something to occupy my mind while the kids aren't here. I hope you are well!

Gem x

Doesnt sound harsh to me. Sounds cool calm and collected. Start as you mean to go on.

Any friend that brings bacon of a morning is a good friend indeed, round of applause for that.

Agreed! She's dragging me out for a windy walk with the dogs this morning so my mind is occupied. He turned up for the kids and brought them presents etc as expected. He kept trying to niggle at me but I didn't rise to it and told him I don't want to be with him anymore and that was that. Quite proud of myself 🙂

Hi GemLou89

Im so pleased to see you're having a better day, and have some peace, and yep you should be proud of yourself 🙂

Thankyou so much, I hope you've also had a better day today xx

Hi Gemlou89

I have thank you, better after talking to everyone here. 🙂 x

Hi as67,

I always feel so much better with the support on here. I have my councilling today, I have the children so I was worried that I wouldn't be able to go but she has offered online councilling which is fantastic 🙂

Gem x