I just found out two days ago that my husband of only 8 months, we have been together 6 years, got a gambling addiction last year and got into 12k of debt. He broke down and openly told me himself.
Luckily “we” have savings so it can be cleared and still have a decent chunk there as his mum gifted us 30k to put towards a house. This isn’t because his mum has money, she doesn’t really but instead has saved all her small amount of earning for years as he and his siblings cover her bills since his dad passed away quite suddenly and traumatically 2 and half years ago.
I am very good and organised with money and always sorted the finances which is fine by me because that’s how I have always been and always will be.
I now have access to his credit report and bank account so I know nothing else is hidden.
I have been through his statements for the last 2 years and can see it was really bad last spring/summer but since then the betting has gone down majorly and doesn’t really look a gambling problem as such and more the fact he has got himself into a cash flow issue trying to sort it alone which he come to the realisation was it no longer possible.
I knew from the beginning of our relationship, he was never great with money as we both had very different upbringings, he has 3 older sisters which have basically babied him. Whereas, my mum was a single mum and I had to pay bills from 16 for her to just survive.
Reading other forums I understand that this could be a hell of a lot worse but I suppose what I need is to find out the following from people who have been through the same.
He of his own accord too signed up to gamstop so he can’t get tempted but he is a very closed book and doesn’t want to seek any therapy or anything like that and says he can only speak to me. He was an alcoholic and now only drinks socially, we still have alcohol in our cupboard from Christmas and that’s how little he now drinks and all his family say to me, I’m the only one who got him to stop as no one else could for years which gives me some sort of hope and satisfaction that he isn’t lying when he says I’m the one who can help him.
Am I being naive? Do you think it will happen again once all these raw feelings subside? I understand no one can really guarantee anything but I’m so stressed, I’m not eating or sleeping in a panic that’ll I’ll stick with him to get through this (which I want to) for better, for worse as they say but then it happen again and we lose everything once we have children (we was going to start trying next month) and a house.
I’m so hurt and upset he hid this from me for so long and married me knowing this but deep down I think he thought, he could resolve it on his own and then I start blaming myself because I’m so organised with money. Is it my fault for saying you should save x amount which leaves you with x amount which is more than enough.
I think I’m also scared I’m just going to live the rest of my life in fear and become obsessed over checking his finances.
Sorry for the long post
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
