7 Years, it has to stop!

Hi, I'm not new to the site but this is my first post.

Just a bit of background on me. I am 25, in a well paid secure job, have a great circle of friends, have an amazing family and a brilliant girlfriend. So I ask myself why do I still keep doing this to myself?

Let's go back to day 1, I remember my first time on a FOBT (roulette machine) in 2008, when a friend introduced me to them. I put in a £5 note and put 50p on ZERO and it coming in and I walked out with £18. I thought I could do it every time, I look back at that moment in my life and think how wrong could I be!?! But £18 was a lot of money back to me then because I was only an apprentice warning £100 per week.

As I have a huge interest in football, I used to love nothing more than putting on a football coupon (usually a fiver) on a Saturday afternoon. Most weeks I'd lose but the odd week of the year I would get the odd few hundred pound. I was fine gambling that way, however once I knew about these evil FOBT's, that was it. When I was 18, I started off putting £10 here and there in them, usually losing but collecting the odd £50-ish here and there. Then came along the proble, I had a 'streak' of winning and then I thought I could always beat the machine (which we all know they're long term unbeatable).

Once the end of the month came that was it, I would take a days holiday off work just so I could catch that bookies at 9am sharp. Usually resulting in me being pure skint by 11am and having no wage left. Resulting in me lending money off mates and family members, after I told them some lie. This went on for well over 12 months and I owed everybody money left, right and centre. Then I confided in my parents who were angry at first and then they were very supportive. They said they noticed a change in my personality. They say I become 'sneaky' and 'can't look them in the eyes'. My parents still to this day have ownership of my bank card, and they 'drip feed' me my money as and when I need it.

I have had a few wins of £2500, £1500 and £1600 that stand out, but the bookmakers always get their money back.

I agreed with my parents that I would see a GAMCARE councillor, however, it wasn't for me and the 'urge' was still there to gamble. All this viscous circle would carry on up until last year. I managed to sort myself out, become debt free and jetting off on expensice holidays such as America and my health had improved. I also met my girlfriend who changed my life (for the better). I was diagnosed with OCD and the Doctor said they could maybe link the urges I get with my OCD!

Where I am now is I have the odd gamble but when I gamble I go into 'self destruct mode'. In December my parents trusted me with my debit card again , and the day before payday I took a payday loan out of £400 just to gamble with and blew the lot within minutes! So I gave them back my card because I felt like I wasn'tready for it back.

This month I won £300 on a football bet, which I then fed into the FOBT. And I keep going in and blowing the odd £40 here and there, which I don't want to do. Today has sickened me, I gambled online and put around £50 of my money on blackjack and got up to £1200 and lost it withing minutes! Plus, if my girlfriend (she's totally against gambling) or parents found out I have gambled again they will mot be happy. However they frequently check my bank statement and will notice the money out to the company. I am just sick to death of letting everybody down but why do I keep getting these urges?

Sorry to witter on, but it feels better now I've got it off my chest.