Hi
I'm new to this and iv been denying I have a gambling addiction for some months now.
My story is this...
I am in a relationship and due to get married in 6 weeks. She knows from previous occasions I have been gambling and she's not been happy but I haven't been able to stop. I denied I had a problem and shouldn't of.
I have now admitted and accepted I have a problem and need to deal with it which is why I have asked to be referred to counselling through this site.
I am now at a crossroads as to how the relationship is going to work out. I don't want to lose her as she's the love of my life and I'm really scared. I hate what I have done and how Iv hurt her but I don't think she is going to forgive me.
I have gotten myself into a small amount of debt through my gambling by trying to hide where my money was going and also chasing losses.
I want to beat this thing but I can't work out where it has derived from as I haven't always been a heavy gambler it's almost like it happened overnight and I'm struggling to understand it however the main thing is that Iv got a problem and want to do something about it.
Not entirely sure as to what I'm writing or asking here but putting it down in words seems the right thing to do right now but not sure how it will help but sharing my story on here as I'm new.
I feel ashamed, Iv lost weight due to worry and through not eating, stressing out and a whole array of other feelings I'm experiencing but I'm just praying to god that I don't lose my fiancГ© and gambled away more than money.
I just hope that with some success stories Iv read, I can experience the same outcome.
Thanks for reading.
Phil
Hi Phil.
Welcome to the forum and well done for writing all that down.
The way forward is you keep going with this honesty and openness and I feel you need to sit down with your loved ones and talk about the extent of your losses, what you have been doing and what you intend to do in a full recovery.
I gambled on and off for forty years. I was never really in control but it got worse in the last years before I entered recovery. I used to ride the losses until it got so far out of hand that I was losing all my rent and food money.
This is about finding out who you are and if your relationship is to work in future your loved ones really need to know all about this now. Could you really have hidden it because that has even greater consequences and leads to further gambling. Take it from me that you can take some relief from stopping sooner rather than later. You have to understand thet your partner will be shocked but Im sure theres something about you that can make it right with proper help and measures.
Its a complex addiction which is rarely about just one factor
You will make gambling history if you are ready to stop. Be aware that it will take, self exclusions living on an allowance and proving yourself again. I dont have any cash from family without them seeing where its going. Thats the way I want it as I must never be complacent. Yes its cost me some trust but gambling could have cost me my life which was spiralling downwards
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of dignity and control. You can do it and there are many success stories on the forum.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thank you for taking time to read and reply to my post.
I totally understand your advice but I'm scared that my partner is going to leave me and with such a short amount of time until the wedding if she does leave me Iv got to face up to all those people especially her family and it's such a daunting prospect to not only lose her and be lonely but knowing everyone is going to hate me or think bad of me.
I'm a hardworking and nice person I believe but this will just shatter a lot of people's opinions of me I'm in such a lost and dark place right now it's hard to see how it is going to work out.
I just want to be the person I used to be when we first got together a few years ago I guess I'm extremely worried and disappointed in myself.
Hi Phil, Welcome to the forums, I found writing things down makes me more accountable for my actions, it was also like drawing a line in the sand and saying I will no longer cross over and gamble again.
I (sort of) agree that in your situation it may be best to discuss your situation with your future wife, but first come up with a plan of exactly how you will tackle your problem so she knows you're serious about quitting. How and when, well thats up to you, I think if I were you I would want to get it out of the way asap so that the dust can settle before the wedding.
I dont think you need to tell every tom, d**k and harry but make sure you take the necessary steps to give yourself the best chance to succeed.
All the best and whatever you decide good luck.
Hi phil I know it is a scary thought to come clean to your fiancГ©e. It may be that she is supportive and gives you the extra determination to stop and stay gamble free. Maybe showing her that you have help and a plan in place may show her that you are doing something about it.
There is no way to know how someone will react to coming clean but as someone said to me on this site the consequences of not coming clean are far far worse .good luck on your journey
Thanks all
I'm still in the same position as I was yesterday, my relationship is still up in the air and I'm facing the potential prospect of facing everyone about the wedding not going ahead due to my idiotic behaviour.
I haven't gambled since last Thursday but that's probably down to having no money but on the other hand I don't have any urge to gamble or obtain money to do so as it really has hit home the damage I'm causing mainly to my loved ones.
Therefore I feel I can easily recover this right now and put things right it's just wether I'm given the opportunity to meaning getting married to my partner and continuing our happy life we had together before all this hurt I caused.
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