An intro and a plan.

Hi, my name's Billy.

I've finally admitted that I'm addicted to gambling. After reading some of the threads on this forum I find that my problem isn't half as bad as some peoples' on here, but still - it's a problem. I'll explain what's happened so far as I think it would be nice to get it out of my system.

Around 3 years ago I was an appretice on £100/week wages. Quite regularly I manage to spend a good 70-80% of my week's wage on gambling - even if I won I'd push my luck on bigger bets until I lost. I knew it was getting out of hand so I decided to stop. For a good 7 to 8 months I didn't enter a casino or bookmaker's at all. The only odd bet I had was on a scratchcard or the lottery (which was next to nothing in comparison). I'd say that I lost around £2000 in total at that stage. It didn't bother me too much and I just moved on.

Since being young I've been an avid poker player and really enjoy the game. I started playing seriously around two years ago and it was never a problem. I'd only play once every two weeks or so and it was well within my disposable income - so it was good. I had fun and won every now and then. I never placed a bet on roulette or blackjack which used to be my downfall.

A few weeks back I started playing again at the roulette and blackjack after I went to the casino with a friend to play poker. I had always told myself that I wouldn't play them again - but I did. I was too tempted and started playing. I didn't lose a lot (I probably broke even before leaving, actually) so I didn't think much of it.

Three days ago I got a free £3.50 table bet from l*******s after I'd deposited £35.00 to play with online (intended for poker originally, but I ended up playing roulette). I played roulette with that £3.50 and my numbers kept coming out - even when pushing my luck. I ended up winning a total of £550 and withdrew it to my bank account. I was really happy and was going to spend it on my car insurance for the year and to pay off my overdraft (which I rarely go into, but I had done the previous week due to forgetting about bills).

Yesterday I had a few hours spare before going to meet my family for a meal and went to the casino solely to play roulette. That was my intention and I admit that. I took £100 in with me and eventually lost it after an hour or two. I was going to leave, but ended up going to the cash desk and withdrawing £400 to play with to try and recoup my losses (big mistake, in retrospect). I got all the way down to £75 and was actually going to leave at this point - but I walked past a roulette table which has recently spun my number- 11. For some reason I took this as a "sign" and decided that it was all or nothing. I placed £75 on a split bet between numbers 8 and 11. If you're familiar with how a roulette wheel is laid out, you'd understand I was pretty miffed when the ball landed on number 30.

Then I realised that I was actually angry. I've never felt angry about gambling or anything of the sort. I think of myself as quite a laid back sort of person and I rarely get worked up about anything. But I was genuinely angry. Partly because my bet lost by one space on the roulette wheel, but mostly because I had blown all the money I'd just won (and was so pleased to have at the time).

I understand that my problem isn't as bad as others I've read on the forums here, but I still feel an urge to go back and withdraw some of my savings to gamble with. I won't.

So what will I do now?

Well, I've spoken with my girlfriend about the situation and how I felt. She was very understanding and has offered to help me in any way possible. I'm going to take part in the 2015 challenge to not place a single bet for the remainder of the year. Hopefully I'll keep it up for a lot longer than that. I'm also going to be bank transferring all of my disposable income to my girlfriend's account every payday until the end of the year. Hopefully we'll be able to go on holiday next year with the money and have a great Christmas in 2015. That gives me something to look forward to and a reason not to 'f' things up.

Thanks for reading this. I'm glad I found this community.

Billy.